Annie Hall Page #2

1ST GIRL

(Making noises)

Ugh, he kissed me, he kissed me.

TEACHER:

(Off screen)

That's the second time this month! Step

up here!

As the teacher, really glaring now, speaks, Alvy rises from his seat and moves

over to her. Angry, she points with her band while the students turn their

heads to watch what will happen next.

ALVY:

What'd I do?

TEACHER:

Step up here!

ALVY:

What'd I do?

TEACHER:

You should be ashamed of yourself.

The students, their heads still turned, look back at Alvy, now an adult,

sitting in the last seat of the second row.

ALVY (AS ADULT)

(First off screen, then onscreen as

camera moves over to the back of the

classroom)

Why, I was just expressing a healthy sexual

curiosity.

TEACHER:

(The younger, Alvy standing next to her)

Six-year-old boys don't have girls on

their minds.

ALVY (AS ADULT)

(Still sitting in the back of

the classroom)

I did.

The girl the young Alvy kissed turns to the older Alvy, she gestures and

speaks.

1ST GIRL

For God's sakes, Alvy, even Freud speaks

of a latency period.

ALVY (AS ADULT)

(Gesturing)

Well, I never had a latency period. I

can't help it.

TEACHER:

(With young, Alvy still at her side)

Why couldn't you have been more like Donald?

(The camera pans over to Donald,

sitting up tall in his seat, then

back to the teacher)

Now, there was a model boy!

ALVY (AS CHILD)

(Still standing next to the teacher)

Tell the folks where you are today, Donald.

DONALD:

I run a profitable dress company.

ALVY'S VOICE

Right. Sometimes I wonder where my

classmates are today.

The camera shows the full classroom, the students sitting behind their desks,

the teacher standing in the front of the room. One at a time, the young

students rise u from their desks and speak.

1ST BOY

I'm president of the Pinkus Plumbing Company.

2ND BOY

I sell tallises.

3RD BOY

I used to be a heroin addict. Now I'm a

methadone addict.

2ND GIRL

I'm into leather.

INT. ROOM

Close-up of a TV screen showing Alvy as an adult on a talk show. He sits next

to the show, host, Dick Cavett, a Navy man sits on his right. Static is heard

throughout the dialogue.

ALVY:

I lost track of most of my old schoolmates,

but I wound up a comedian. They did not take

me in the Army. I was, uh ... Interestingly

enough, I was-I was four-P.

Sounds of TV audience laughter and applause are heard.

DICK CAVETT:

Four-P?

ALVY:

Yes. In-in-in-in the event of war, I'm a

hostage.

More audience laughter joined by Dick Cavett and the naval officer.

INT. THE HOUSE WHERE ALVY GREW UP

Alvy's mother sits at the old-fashioned dining-room table peeling carrots and

talking as she looks off screen.

MOTHER:

You always only saw the worst in people.

You never could get along with anyone at

school. You were always outta step with the

world. Even when you got famous, you still

distrusted the world.'

EXT. MANHATTAN STREET-DAY

A pretty Manhattan street with sidewalk trees, brownstones, a school; people

mill about, some strolling and carrying bundles, others buried. The screen

shows the whole length of the sidewalk, a street, and part of the sidewalk

beyond. As the following scene ensues, two pedestrians, indistinguishable in

the distance, come closer and closer toward the camera, recognizable, finally,

as Alvy and his best friend, Rob, deep in conversation. They eventually move

past the camera and off screen. Traffic noise is heard in the background.

ALVY:

I distinctly heard it. He muttered under

his breath, "Jew."

ROB:

You're crazy!

ALVY:

No, I'm not. We were walking off the

tennis court, and you know, he was there

and me and his wife, and he looked at her

and then they both looked at me, and under

his breath he said, "Jew."

ROB:

Alvy, you're a total paranoid.

ALVY:

Wh- How am I a paran-? Well, I pick up on

those kind o' things. You know, I was

having lunch with some guys from NBC, so

I said ... uh, "Did you eat yet or what?"

and Tom Christie said, "No, didchoo?"

Not, did you, didchoo eat? Jew? No, not

did you eat, but Jew eat? Jew. You get it?

Jew eat?

ROB:

Ah, Max, you, uh ...

ALVY:

Stop calling me Max.

ROB:

Why, Max? It's a good name for you. Max,

you see conspiracies in everything.

ALVY:

No, I don't! You know, I was in a record

store. Listen to this -so I know there's

this big tall blond crew-cutted guy and

he's lookin' at me in a funny way and

smiling and he's saying, "Yes, we have a

sale this week on Wagner." Wagner, Max,

Wagner-so I know what he's really tryin'

to tell me very significantly Wagner.

ROB:

Right, Max. California, Max.

ALVY:

Ah.

ROB:

Let's get the hell outta this crazy city.

ALVY:

Forget it, Max.

ROB:

-we move to sunny L.A. All of show business

is out there, Max.

ALVY:

No, I cannot. You keep bringing it up, but

I don't wanna live in a city where the only

cultural advantage is that you can make a

right turn on a red light.

ROB:

(Checking his watch)

Right, Max, forget it. Aren't you gonna be

late for meeting Annie?

ALVY:

I'm gonna meet her in front of the Beekman.

I think I have a few minutes left. Right?

EXT. BEEKMAN THEATER-DAY

Alvy stands in front of glass doors of theater, the ticket taker behind him

just inside the glass doors. The sounds of city traffic, car horns honking,

can be heard while he looks around waiting for, Annie. A man in a black leather

jacket, walking past the theater, stops in front of, Alvy. He looks at him,

then moves away. He stops a few steps farther and turns around to look at Alvy

again. Alvy looks away, then back at the man. The man continues to stare.

Alvy scratches his head, looking for Annie and trying not to notice the man.

The man, still staring, walks back to Alvy.

1ST MAN

Hey, you on television?

ALVY:

(Nodding his head)

No. Yeah, once in a while. You know,

like occasionally.

1ST MAN

What's your name?

ALVY:

(Clearing his throat)

You wouldn't know it. It doesn't matter.

What's the difference?

1ST MAN

You were on ... uh, the ... uh, the Johnny

Carson, right?

ALVY:

Once in a while, you know. I mean, you

know, every now-

1ST MAN

What's your name?

Alvy is getting more and more uneasy as the man talks; more and more people

move through the doors of the theater.

ALVY:

(Nervously)

I'm ... I'm, uh, I'm Robert Redford.

1ST MAN

(Laughing)

Come on.

ALVY:

Alvy Singer. It was nice nice ... Thanks

very much ... for everything.

They shake hands and Alvy pats the man's arm. The man in turn looks over his

shoulder and motions to another man. All excited now, he points to Alvy and

calls out. Alvy looks impatient.

1ST MAN

Hey!

2ND MAN

(Off screen)

What?

1ST MAN

This is Alvy Singer!

ALVY:

Fellas ... you know-Jesus! Come on!

1ST MAN

(Overlapping, ignoring Alvy)

This guy's on television! Alvy

Singer, right? Am I right?

ALVY:

(Overlapping 1st man)

Gimme a break, will yuh, gimme a break.

Jesus Christ!

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