Annie Hall Page #3

1ST MAN

(Still ignoring Alvy's protestations)

This guy's on television.

ALVY:

I need a large polo mallet!

2ND MAN

(Moving into the screen)

Who's on television?

1ST MAN

This guy, on the Johnny Carson show.

ALVY:

(Annoyed)

Fellas, what is this-a meeting o' the

teamsters? You know.. .

2ND MAN

(Also ignoring Alvy)

What program?

1ST MAN

(Holding out a matchbook)

Can I have your autograph?

ALVY:

You don't want my autograph.

1ST MAN

(Overlapping, Alvy's speech)

Yeah, I do. It's for my girl friend.

Make it out to Ralph.

ALVY:

(Taking the matchbook and pen and

writing)

Your girl friend's name is Ralph?

1ST MAN

It's for my brudder.

(To passersby)

Alvy Singer! Hey! This is Alvy-

2ND MAN

(To Alvy, overlapping 1st man's speech)

You really Alvy Singer, the ... the

TV star?

Nodding his head yes, Alvy shoves 2nd man aside and moves to the curb of the

sidewalk. The two men follow, still talking over the traffic noise.

1ST MAN

-Singer!

2ND MAN

Alvy Singer over here!

A cab moves into the frame and stops by the curb. Alvy moves over to it about

to get in.

ALVY:

(Overlapping the two men and

stuttering)

I-i-i-i-it's all right, fellas.

(As Alvy opens the cab door, the

two men still behind him, Annie

gets out)

Jesus, what'd you do, come by way of

the Panama Canal?

ANNIE:

(Overlapping Alvy)

Alright, alright, I'm in a bad mood, okay?

Annie closes the cab door and she and Alvy move over to the ticket booth of

the theater as they continue to talk.

ALVY:

Bad mood? I'm standing with the cast of

"The Godfather."

ANNIE:

You're gonna hafta learn to deal with it.

ALVY:

Deal! I'm dealing with two guys named

Cheech!

ANNIE:

Okay.

(They move into the ticket line,

still talking. A billboard next to

them reads "INGMAR BERGMAN'S 'FACE

TO FACE ,'LIV ULLMANN")

Please, I have a headache, all right?

ALVY:

Hey, you are in a bad mood. You-you-

you must be getting your period.

ANNIE:

I'm not getting my period. Jesus, every

time anything out of the ordinary happens,

you think that I'm getting my period!

They move over to the ticket counter, people in front of them buying tickets

and walking off screen.

ALVY:

(Gesturing)

A li-little louder. I think one of them

may have missed it!

(To the ticket clerk)

H'm, has the picture started yet?

TICKET CLERK:

It started two minutes ago.

ALVY:

(Hitting his hand on the counter)

That's it! Forget it! I-I can't go in.

ANNIE:

Two minutes, Alvy.

ALVY:

(Overlapping Annie)

No, I'm sorry, I can't do it. We-we've

blown it already. I-you know, uh, I-I

can't go in in the middle.

ANNIE:

In the middle?

(Alvy nods his head yes and let's

out an exasperated sigh)

We'll only miss the titles. They're in

Swedish.

ALVY:

You wanna get coffee for two hours or

something? We'll go next-

ANNIE:

Two hours? No, u-uh, I'm going in.

I'm going in.

She moves past the ticket clerk.

ALVY:

(Waving to Annie)

Go ahead. Good-bye.

Annie moves back to Alvy and takes his arm.

ANNIE:

Look, while we're talking we could be

inside, you know that?

ALVY:

(Watching people with tickets move

past them)

Hey, can we not stand here and argue in

front of everybody, 'cause I get embarrassed.

ANNIE:

Alright. All right, all right, so whatta

you wanna do?

ALVY:

I don't know now. You-you wanna go to

another movie?

(Annie nods her head and shrugs

her shoulders disgustedly as Alvy,

gesturing with his band, looks at

her)

So let's go see The Sorrow and the Pity.

ANNIE:

Oh, come on, we've seen it. I'm not in

the mood to see a four-hour documentary

on Nazis.

ALVY:

Well, I'm sorry, I-I can't ... I-I-I've

gotta see a picture exactly from the start

to the finish, 'cause-'cause I'm anal.

ANNIE:

(Laughing now)

H'h, that's a polite word for what you are.

INT. THEATER LOBBY.

A lined-up crowd of ticket holders waiting to get into the theater, Alvy and

Annie among them. A bum of indistinct chatter can be heard through the ensuing

scene.

MAN IN LINE:

(Loudly to his companion right

behind Alvy and Annie)

We saw the Fellini film last Tuesday.

It is not one of his best. It lacks a

cohesive structure. You know, you get

the feeling that he's not absolutely sure

what it is he wants to say. 'Course, I've

always felt he was essentially a-a technical

film maker. Granted, La Strada was a great

film. Great in its use of negative energy

more than anything else. But that simple

cohesive core ...

Alvy, reacting to the man's loud monologue, starts to get annoyed, while Annie

begins to read her newspaper.

ALVY:

(Overlapping the man's speech)

I'm-I'm-I'm gonna have a stroke.

ANNIE:

(Reading)

Well, stop listening to him.

MAN IN LINE:

(Overlapping Alvy and Annie)

You know, it must need to have had its

leading from one thought to another.

You know what I'm talking about?

ALVY:

(Sighing)

He's screaming his opinions in my ear.

MAN IN LINE:

Like all that Juliet of the Spirits or

Satyricon, I found it incredibly ...

indulgent. You know, he really is. He's

one of the most indulgent film makers. He

really is-

ALVY:

(Overlapping)

Key word here is "indulgent."

MAN IN LINE:

(Overlapping)

-without getting ... well, let's put it

this way ...

ALVY:

(To Annie, who is still reading,

overlapping the man in line who is

still talking)

What are you depressed about?

ANNIE:

I missed my therapy. I overslept.

ALVY:

How can you possibly oversleep?

ANNIE:

The alarm clock.

ALVY:

(Gasping)

You know what a hostile gesture that is

to me?

ANNIE:

I know-because of our sexual problem,

right?

ALVY:

Hey, you ... everybody in line at the

New Yorker has to know our rate of

intercourse?

MAN IN LINE:

- It's like Samuel Beckett, you know-

I admire the technique but he doesn't ...

he doesn't hit me on a gut level.

ALVY:

(To Annie)

I'd like to hit this guy on a gut level.

The man in line continues his speech all the while Alvy and Annie talk.

ANNIE:

Stop it, Alvy!

ALVY:

(Wringing his hands)

Well, he's spitting on my neck! You know,

he's spitting on my neck when he talks.

MAN IN LINE:

And then, the most important thing of all

is a comedian's vision.

ANNIE:

And you know something else? You know,

you're so egocentric that if I miss my

therapy you can think of it in terms of

how it affects you!

MAN IN LINE:

(Lighting a cigarette while he talks)

Gal gun-shy is what it is.

ALVY:

(Reacting again to the man in line)

Probably on their first date, right?

MAN IN LINE:

(Still going on)

It's a narrow view.

ALVY:

Probably met by answering an ad in the

New York Review of Books. "Thirtyish

academic wishes to meet woman who's

interested in Mozart, James Joyce and

sodomy."

(He sighs; then to Annie)

Whatta you mean, our sexual problem?

ANNIE:

Oh!

ALVY:

I-I-I mean, I'm comparatively normal

for a guy raised in Brooklyn.

ANNIE:

Okay, I'm very sorry. My sexual problem!

Okay, my sexual problem! Huh?

The man in front of them turns to look at them, then looks away.

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