Annie Hall Page #4

ALVY:

I never read that. That was-that was

Henry James, right? Novel, uh, the

sequel to Turn of the Screw? My Sexual ...

MAN IN LINE:

(Even louder now)

It's the influence of television. Yeah,

now Marshall McLuhan deals with it in terms

of it being a-a high, uh, high intensity,

you understand? A hot medium ... as opposed

to a ...

ALVY:

(More and more aggravated)

What I wouldn't give for a large sock o'

horse manure.

MAN IN LINE:

... as opposed to a print ...

Alvy steps forward, waving his hands in frustration, and stands facing the

camera.

ALVY:

(Sighing and addressing the audience)

What do you do when you get stuck in a movie

line with a guy like this behind you? I mean,

it's just maddening!

The man in line moves toward Alvy. Both address the audience now.

MAN IN LINE:

Wait a minute, why can't I give my opinion?

It's a free country!

ALVY:

I mean, d- He can give you- Do you hafta

give it so loud? I mean, aren't you ashamed

to pontificate like that? And-and the funny

part of it is, M-Marshall McLuhan, you don't

know anything about Marshall McLuhan's...work!

MAN IN LINE:

(Overlapping)

Wait a minute! Really? Really? I happen to

teach a class at Columbia called "TV Media

and Culture"! So I think that my insights

into Mr. McLuhan-well, have a great deal of

validity.

ALVY:

Oh, do yuh?

MAN IN LINE:

Yes.

ALVY:

Well, that's funny, because I happen to

have Mr. McLuhan right here. So ... so,

here, just let me-I mean, all right. Come

over here ... a second.

Alvy gestures to the camera which follows him and the man in line to the back

of the crowded lobby. He moves over to a large stand-up movie poster and

pulls Marshall McLuban from behind the poster.

MAN IN LINE:

Oh.

ALVY:

(To McLuban)

Tell him.

MCLUHAN:

(To the man in line)

I hear-I heard what you were saying.

You-you know nothing of my work. You

mean my whole fallacy is wrong. How you

ever got to teach a course in anything is

totally amazing.

ALVY:

(To the camera)

Boy, if life were only like this!

INT. THEATER. A CLOSE-UP OF THE SCREEN SHOWING FACES OF GERMAN SOLDIERS.

Credits appear over the faces of the soldiers.

THE SORROW AND THE PITY

CINEMA 5 LTD., 1972

MARCEL OPHULS, ANDRE HARRIS, 1969

Chronicle of a French town during the Occupation

NARRATOR'S VOICE

(Over credits and soldiers)

June fourteenth, nineteen forty, the

German army occupies Paris. All over

the country, people are desperate for

every available scrap of news.

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM-NIGHT

Annie is sitting up in bed reading.

ALVY:

(Off screen)

Boy, those guys in the French Resistance

were really brave, you know? Got to listen

to Maurice Chevalier sing so much.

ANNIE:

M'm, I don't know, sometimes I ask myself

how I'd stand up under torture.

ALVY:

(Off screen)

You? You kiddin'?

(He moves into the frame, lying across

the bed to touch, Annie, who makes a

face)

If the Gestapo would take away your

Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em

everything.

ANNIE:

That movie makes me feel guilty.

ALVY:

Yeah, 'cause it's supposed to.

He starts kissing Annie's arm. She gets annoyed and continues to read.

ANNIE:

Alvy, I ...

ALVY:

What-what-what-what's the matter?

ANNIE:

I-you know, I don't wanna.

ALVY:

(Overlapping Annie, reacting)

What-what-I don't ... It's not natural!

We're sleeping in a bed together. You

know, it's been a long time.

ANNIE:

I know, well, it's just that-you know, I

mean, I-I-I-I gotta sing tomorrow night,

so I have to rest my voice.

ALVY:

(Overlapping Annie again)

It's always some kind of an excuse. It's-

You know, you used to think that I was

very sexy. What ... When we first started

going out, we had sex constantly ... We're-

we're probably listed in the Guinness Book

of World Records.

ANNIE:

(Patting Alvy's band solicitously)

I know. Well, Alvy, it'll pass, it'll

pass, it's just that I'm going through a

phase, that's all.

ALVY:

M'm.

ANNIE:

I mean, you've been married before, you

know how things can get. You were very

hot for Allison at first.

CUT TO:

INT. BACK STAGE OF AUDITORIUM - NIGHT.

Allison, clipboard in band, walks about the wings, stopping to talk to various

people. Musicians, performers and technicians mill about, busy with activity.

Allison wears a large "ADLAI" button, as do the people around her. The sounds

of a comedian on the stage of the auditorium can be heard, occasionally,

interrupted by chatter and applause from the off screen audience. Allison

stops to talk to two women; they, too, wear "ADLAI" buttons.

ALLISON:

(Looking down at the clipboard)

Ma'am, you're on right after this man ...

about twenty minutes, something like that.

WOMAN:

Oh, thank you.

Alvy moves into the frame behind Allison. He taps her on the shoulder; she

turns to face him.

ALVY:

(Coughing)

Excuse ... excuse me, when do I go on?

ALLISON:

(Looking down at the clipboard)

Who are you?

ALVY:

Alvy ... Alvy Singer. I'm a comedian.

ALLISON:

Oh, comedian. Yes. Oh, uh ... you're

on next.

ALVY:

(Rubbing his hands together

nervously)

What do you mean, next?

ALLISON:

(Laughing)

Uh ... I mean you're on right after

this act.

ALVY:

(Gesturing)

No, it can't be, because he's a comic.

ALLISON:

Yes.

ALVY:

So what are you telling me, you're

putting on two comics in a row?

ALLISON:

Why not?

ALVY:

No, I'm sorry, I'm not goin'- I can't

... I don't wanna go on after that comedian.

ALLISON:

It's okay.

ALVY:

No, because they're-they're laughing, so

(He starts laughing nervously)

I-I-I'd rather not. If you don't mind,

I prefer-

ALLISON:

(Overlapping)

Will you relax, please? They're gonna

love you, I know.

ALVY:

(Overlapping)

I prefer not to, because ... look,

they're laughing at him. See, so what

are yuh telling me-

They move closer to the stage, looking out from the wings.

ALLISON:

(Overlapping)

Yes.

ALVY:

(Overlapping)

-that I've got to ... ah ... ah ...

They're gonna laugh at him for a couple

minutes, then I gotta go out there, I

gotta ... get laughs, too. How much can

they laugh?

(Off screen)

They-they they're laughed out.

ALLISON:

(Off screen)

Do you feel all right?

As Allison and Alvy look out at the stage, the camera cuts to their point of

view:
a comedian standing at a podium in front of huge waving pictures of Adlai

Stevenson. The audience, laughing and clapping, sits at round tables in

clusters around the room.

The camera moves back to Allison and Alvy watching the stage. Alvy is swinging

his hands nervously.

COMEDIAN:

(Off screen, onstage)

You know ...

Alvy starts looking Allison up and down; people in the background mill about.

ALVY:

(Above the chatter around him)

Look, what's your-what's your name?

COMEDIAN:

(Off screen)

... General Eisenhower is not ...

ALLISON:

(Looking out at the stage)

Allison.

ALVY:

Yeah? Allison what?

ALLISON:

(Still looking off screen)

Portchnik.

COMEDIAN:

... a group from the ...

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