Another Happy Day Page #8

disgusting.

I know. They're disgusting.

I hate them.

Who was that?

Like, didn't even

wash her hands.

Good god, Paul.

Can't you keep

that f***ing pit bull

Of your wife under control?

Elliot says that Lynn says

that when dad met you,

You were a stripper.

And a coke whore.

- Mmm.

- Is that true?

- Really.

- Is that true?

Baby, it's ridiculous.

Mom, now you promise me

that's not true.

- That piece of sh*t!

- You lying whore.

What? What?

Have you been telling

your kids

That I was a stripper

and a coke whore?

Are you out of

your f***ing mind?

- I didn't say that!

- Lynn, did you say that?

- No, of course not!

- That's what Elliot told me!

F*** him!

He's a f***ing a**hole!

Oh, what a good

mother you are.

You're such a good mother.

So sweet.

Elliot has Tourette's syndrome!

He'll say anything!

He has no filter!

Meanwhile you come

waltzing into this family

And you try to

rip us f***ing apart!

I tried to rip your family

apart? Are you joking me?

I raised Dylan. I'm not

the one who abandoned him.

You could go f*** yourself!

You f***ing redneck...

Let go of her!

Goddamnit, let go of her!

You found someone to

fight back, didn't you?

You're goddamn right,

I'll f***ing tear you apart!

She's gone!

Get out. Get out.

You son of a b*tch.

Think you just insulted

yourself, mom.

Shut up and go

f*** yourself!

- What did I do?

- Go f*** yourself.

The hell is going on?

She grabbed me.

She grabbed me.

And she...

she strangled me.

- What? Who?

- Patty!

Patty assaulted me, Lee.

- Really?

- Really?

- And this motherf***er...

- Okay, that's weird, mom.

This motherf***er has been

drinking and doing drugs.

Calm down, calm down.

I had a few, I had anxiety,

I had a f***ing panic attack.

Let's just get in the car.

Get in the car.

Shut up!

In the car.

- She's pissed.

- Oh, she's pissed, Ben?

Thank you for telling

me that she's pissed.

Otherwise I would

have no idea, Ben.

- Door is locked.

- Oh, this f***ing thing.

Lee, open the door.

Goddamnit.

Now why the hell they

can't make these things

A little bit simpler?

It's 12:
13 ante meridian,

And I'm reporting to you

live and on the scene

Outside the home

of Joe and Doris Baker

In the heart of

Queen Anne City,

Annapolis, Maryland,

Where just moments ago

The diabolical force,

known as the Hellman family,

Has finally submerged this

quaint, waterfront town

Into complete and utter chaos.

With their overly sensitive

self-destructive daughter,

Alice Scissorhands,

And the rather unseemly

and highly inappropriate

Behavior of their mama familias,

Some have begun to wonder,

How will tomorrow's

events unfold?

Oh, wait, one moment.

I'm getting something.

Preliminary reports

are suggesting

That no matter the outcome,

Doris Baker is

And will remain

quietly furious.

The question that begs to be

answered however, is,

Will they unite

for just one day?

Or will all hell break loose and

split this family in two

Like a Maryland blue crab?

This is Elliot Hellman reporting

to you live for F*** News.

Back over to you, Ben.

What's the name

of that tea I like?

Which one?

The one I drink.

Green tea.

No, no, it's chamomile.

So why are you asking me?

I'm asking what it's name is.

Surrender. Surrender.

Yeah. Surrender to sleep.

Jesus Christ, Lee.

Why don't you just

ask for it?

No, no.

Never turn that light on.

Mom, can I talk to you

for a minute?

No, Lynn, you can't.

Why is it you have never learned

when to just keep quiet?

I just wanted...

I know what you want.

We all know what you want, Lynn.

'cause you never

had the decency

Or the respect or the

consideration

To keep anything private.

I'm just trying

to make things better.

Yeah, yeah.

For who, Lynn? For me?

Huh? Sitting here in

the middle of the night

And I can't sleep.

I'm totally exhausted

and I can't get to sleep.

You're gonna make

things better for me?

The doctor said he's stable.

They can't do anything

else for him.

Just keep him comfortable.

It's all...

It's all I've done

my whole life,

Kept him comfortable.

I was seventeen years old

when I met your father.

He was so handsome.

So tall

And strong and shy.

I miss him.

I miss the man I married.

I miss him when he's here

And I miss him

when he's not here.

Tonight I was lying

in bed and I thought

When did this happen?

When did he disappear?

When did I first fall asleep

In an empty bed?

In an empty house?

What did I do to deserve this?

What did I ever do

that was so bad?

And I know it's coming.

I know.

Every time I wake up, before

I open my eyes and listen,

Hear if he's still breathing.

I don't know what

I'm going to do...

...When I wake up and he's not.

When there's nothing

but the silence.

Just silence.

What am I going to do, Lynn?

Okay, okay, okay.

so?

There it goes, huh?

There it goes, Lynn.

You got me.

That's what you came

down here for, isn't it?

I wasn't ready.

I'm still not ready.

Things don't change, mom.

People don't change.

They don't matter.

You do, Alice.

You do.

And you can't let them

tell you who you are

Or what you're capable of,

Because if you do,

then they win.

I'm not like you, mom.

I'm not.

I wish... I can't just

block it all out.

Don't do this, Alice.

Don't let them control the way

you feel about yourself.

I can't help it.

I can't.

You're your own person.

And you're strong.

You're so goddamn

strong, Alice.

And when it was

just you and me,

And we didn't have a f***ing

soul on our side,

I looked to you.

I always looked to you.

You know,

if you don't mind, ladies,

I would just like to say how

Unbelievably gorgeous

you two look today.

Just tremendous, you know?

Stunning. Marvelous.

You know what, Elliot,

I would appreciate it

If you did not speak

for the next 24 hours.

Why?

'cause mom caught you

doing drugs and sh*t.

And, like, it's your

fault Patty went nuts.

Oh, I mean, yeah.

That's true.

But I thought maybe we

could've moved on from that.

You know, as a family.

I just don't have the energy

to move on from that.

As a family.

- Oooh, sh*t.

- "Oooh, sh*t" is right.

What, you too?

No understanding.

What's the matter, dad?

You never got drunk or stoned

When you were my age?

Not with the frequency

And degree of enthusiasm

that you do now.

You, mom? You never skin popped

a little "D" back in the '70s?

You know what, Elliot,

do me a favor.

Just go ahead.

Go, go, go get high.

Go O.D.

Ruin your f***ing life.

Because I'm giving up.

I'm just giving up.

Really? That is awesome!

Wait, really?

Let's not get into

this right now.

Can I? 'cause that

would be great.

- Elliot!

- What?

Why do you have to be

such a f***ing dick?

What are you so pissy about?

Your chamber maiden dress?

See?

You're just so immature,

you know?

When are you gonna

grow the f*** up?

You know,

sometime near the end.

Oh, there's me!

And so he sees a road sign

with a trumpet exed out on it

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