Another Happy Day Page #7

"certain responsibilities",

right?

Well, I'm the one

that drove him to school.

I'm the one that put him to bed.

I'm the one who tickled his back

When he was afraid

and had a nightmare.

I'm the one who

washed his clothes.

Not you!

Not you!

I was the one who was

always there, not you.

Patty, why don't we

get a breath of air.

We are outside, Paul!

Fine. Back off.

Just calm down.

I'm... I'm sorr...

sorry.

I'm telling you, Lee,

now she's really gonna be

On the f***ing warpath.

The f***ing warpath.

How you doing back there,

Elliot?

I'm contemplating

the symbolic nature

Of this seating arrangement.

here come the Hellmans

no sense of equilibrium

the family members catalyst

like yellow cake and Tritium

from a fight we'll blow

our way to center stage

this is rage, this is rage,

this is a crew with some rage

let's slay the beast to save

the feast, animals in a cage

get 'em, no cops

on this green earth

going to keep us from rising

we f*** up genes, these rings

and all the things

we brutalizing

not one yuppie on this family

will be my own relation

right hand up I go seven

sieg heils

at Hellman nation?

Oh, sh*t, Elliot!

Coming all the way from MIC

straight to Annapolis

Just to f***ing kill it!

In one, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness, b*tches.

Oh my god, making my baby

batter boil, boy. Woo.

They're like 6.5s.

Oh, my god.

Look at that one.

Look at that one, she's a

motherfucking thoroughbred!

Oh, she's all

classy and sh*t.

I bet she's got black,

satin sheets.

Mmm, little runway strip

to park my plane in that.

Mmm! Get my dick wet tonight.

I'd tap that.

Boy, you don't even know

sh*t about tapping sh*t.

Yeah, I do. I found this

book on my mom's bed

All about the g-spot.

I've been trying it out

on a few b*tches.

You know how I can

be totally certain

That you're full

of sh*t right now?

I'm not, but how?

Because if your mom really

knew where her g-spot was,

She wouldn't have to make

costumes for dogs.

Oh! Snap, nigga!

- Seriously, you understand?

- What're you guys laughing at?

- Baby batter.

- Shut the f*** up, Ben.

Hey, Elliot, better dance

with me tomorrow night.

Um, dancing isn't

particularly my thing.

Wait, that's not true.

You can do the macarena.

Really, Elliot?

You don't know what the f***

you're talking about, Ben.

Yeah, I do. 'cause mom taught

you and you taught me.

You were good.

Remember?

You guys know about

my brother Ben, right?

You know how he

has severe autism?

You don't wanna talk

about it too much,

Because if you talk about severe

autism to the retard too much,

Then he gets low self-esteem,

and that's not good.

Right, Ben?

Isn't that right?

Samantha, care for a smoke?

You don't?

It would make you look

so much more attractive.

Oh, my god, she is

such a f***ing b*tch.

Better to be pale.

It's better to...

- Is he all right?

- He's fine.

I'll tell you, you

can't find a better beer

Than this Michelob Ultra.

It's almost zero carbs.

How 'bout that?

Interesting.

Is he all right?

He's fine.

We have them made

for us in Indiana.

- And really, the money is...

- Right.

Now the deal with GM,

was for carriages?

- They don't look the same.

- Cubic zirconias look the same.

I know, but I'm talking...

It's just a status thing.

I just don't get that.

It's interesting,

Most people think that when

rock 'n' roll first hit...

Boom... that there

was nothing else.

Not true, because what most

people don't remember

Was that there was

this strange time,

Maybe three or four years,

When everything sort of

coincided so that you had...

You had your Perry Comos

and your Bill Haleys

And your Pat Boones.

And you had people

like Jill Corey.

You remember?

No.

Yeah, you do, because

I played you that song.

"Make Like A Bunny Honey".

I'm gonna go call granny

and check on everybody.

See how they are

at the hospital.

Good. Tell them we're

praying for them.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Look, um,

I just want to say I...

I think we got off on the wrong

foot back at the house.

And... and all I really

wanted to convey to you

Was that... that I really

have missed you.

That we, all,

have missed you.

Your mother said that you

weren't feeling good

And so I just didn't

know what to expect.

Well, after

everything you heard,

I hope I didn't

disappoint you.

Disappoint me?

No, no way, no. No.

What does that mean?

Sorry, I'm just being

kind of awkward.

Um...

Dylan told me that you

gave him a big promotion.

That's... yeah,

that's really great.

- He deserves it.

- Yeah.

Done a great job, but he's

gotta build towards something,

Like you're doing.

Yeah, thanks.

I mean, I had to take

some time off, but, um,

I'm doubling up on courses

for September

So I can graduate on time.

- That's good.

- Yeah.

I'm... I'm so happy you

finally found something.

I mean, I really love it.

You know. I...

I don't know,

I feel like maybe

I have something to

offer there in a way.

Alice, I know everybody thinks

That I don't understand

everything.

And maybe they're right.

But I want to.

I do.

Thanks, Paul.

And you know, if you ever

want to just phone me,

Or just wanna talk,

Maybe you're feeling

down or something,

I just don't want to

lose touch with you again.

If that's what you want.

Yeah, I mean, I'd...

I'd really like that.

Maybe we could, um,

Get lunch, or something.

I mean, um, maybe it could...

Maybe it could

just be me and you.

She's my wife.

Alice...

I know.

Uh, excuse me, barkeep.

Yeah?

Um, can I get three shots...

double shots

Of your finest

whiskey, please?

Um, how old are you?

Okay, I'm 17,

This is my family

and this is hell.

I beg you.

Have some f***ing sympathy.

I call it my Thursday list.

Alice is hysterical

in the parking lot.

Give me my purse.

Grab the kids.

I need to pee.

Alrighty.

Um, do you, like,

drink often?

Only really

when I'm on opiates.

Okay.

But, like,

what I was, like, saying,

Is that, like, my mother

really is the one who, like,

Raised Dylan,

not your mother.

And, like, I don't mean that in,

like, an offensive way,

It's just, like, the truth.

And, like, I guess,

like what I want to say

Is that, like, I think it's,

like, pretty disrespectful

That, like, your mother

forced Dylan to choose her

To walking down the aisle.

Mmm.

So, yeah.

You wanna know

something hilarious?

Sure.

You sure?

Sounds like

you're finished.

What?

Sounds like

you're finished.

Wait, what?

Come on out, Lynn.

Why?

Come out of the stall, Lynn.

Okay, but, um...

Oh, my god.

There you are.

I've been, like, looking,

like, all over for you.

You will never,

ever, ever believe

What Elliot just said to me.

He's, like, so arrogant,

and also

A complete,

drunk drug addict.

He ordered, like, three double

shots of, like, whatever,

And I was like, um,

do you drink often?

And he was like,

I like to mix it with opiates.

So gross.

- They're disgusting.

- So gross.

The whole family's

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