Another Kind of Wedding Page #7

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F***!

(Car doors shut, engine roars)

(Pouring water)

Are you enjoying

the cucumbers?

Well, they add a subtle

flavor.

Hmm. (giggles)

Yes, they do.

(Albert chuckles)

- Whose are those?

- Whose indeed?

Did you steal those from me?

If you want to imagine it

that way.

Let me see those.

These are not mine.

Wink, wink.

Honestly. These are not mine.

(Cutlery and dishes clink)

(Door creaks open)

- Barbara:
Okay.

- F***!

Um, dozen raisin, please.

- Tammy:
Get the cream cheese.

- And cream cheese.

So what's the plan?

Move back to Toronto.

Unless of course,

there's a Swedish exchange

student sleeping in my room?

She's Bulgarian.

Tammy:
What are you gonna do with

your new apartment in Berlin?

It's Louisa's apartment.

She's been carrying

the bulk of our load

for a long time, now.

I thought you were making

money on your music thing?

Cuz it sounded better

that way.

Look, what-what are you here

to tell me?

She's the love of my life?

Everybody makes mistakes?

You dropped a grand on the

chuppah you can't get back?

- Two, actually.

- What?

- Mm-hmm.

- Well spent.

Look, we're here to tell you

that it's okay.

Yeah. It's better it happens

now than when you're 42,

with 2 kids.

You know, with all due

respect, Mom,

you don't know what the f***

you're talking about.

She is the best thing

that has ever happened to me.

And I would definitely

not be living the life

that I'm living right now

as a f***ing DJ in Berlin...

if she didn't have my back.

I don't know, if I only get

'til I'm 42,

that means I get 7 more years,

and I-I want those 7 years.

This is not going the way we

thought it would.

Look at us.

Can you picture you and her

like this in 30 years?

With cream cheese

all over my face?

Together! Trying to talk

sense into our broke kid.

In a bagel shop!

(Small laugh)

(Sighs)

(Door slams)

Whoa, sorry, sorry.

Hold that!

I wanna say something.

What is it?

I miss you, too.

- (Carrie laughs)

- Hey.

(Rhythmic drumming)

You know, Levi's new album

come out?

Maybe we should Zen out to it.

Just see how much better you

are than him, than everyone.

I guess I never really

thought about it.

Exactly.

Well, hey there.

I just wanted to let you know

that I'm not gonna need

- your help with a business plan.

- Okay.

Cuz I'm going back to school.

Need me to pay your tuition

and rent?

Shut up, Mom.

But yeah, that would be great.

Mwah! I'm sorry,

I don't wanna ruin your hair.

- I love you. Bye.

- Okay.

Sweetie...

I have an idea.

I have an idea!

(Giggling)

(Toilet flushing)

- Where are we going here?

- I wanna do something.

Just trust me.

- What?

- I want us to do our vows now,

without all those people

watching us.

- I was just gonna wing it.

- Yeah, so then wing it now.

Okay, okay. Okay.

Fair, I'll start.

(Clears throat)

- You'll have to excuse me.

- We're not sitting together?

You're still here?

Don't you have to get the

shrapnel out of your brain

or something?

- It's permanent.

- Ah...

I just want you to know,

I'm looking forward

to the next family function,

Bon marriage.

(Barbara sighs)

- Louisa Simon...

- (Giggles)

Ever since that first moment

that I saw you,

on that bench, in Berlin,

I knew that I was lookin'

at my dream girl.

And I felt like you saw

the man that I wanted to be,

and I vow to try to be that man

every day.

Okay, Matthew Berkman.

I vow to listen

to you regurgitate

all of the New Yorker articles

and podcasts

- that you listen to.

- Yay! (Clears throat)

I promise to moisturize

your hands when you get old.

(old man voice)

I promise to always send the

man from the past,

to tuck you in at night.

I promise to always sleep

with my feet on yours.

And I promise to never speak

to your brother

ever again.

He just needs some time.

I need you to know

that I did love him.

I think we both still do.

I'm so sorry about the sh*t

I pulled today.

I... I'm an idiot.

I know exactly who the person

is that I'm marrying.

That person grew up because

of you.

Look, I'm dreadfully sorry

about that misunderstanding

this afternoon.

Shh.

Now, you can have mine, too.

(Giggling)

(Both laugh)

I know about you and Roy.

Uh...

I would have appreciated

an invitation.

(Chuckles)

(Applause)

(Cheering)

(Nervous exhale)

(Slow ukulele tune plays)

(Sighs)

Okay.

With eyes open

I was havin' a dream

And as real as it seemed

It wasn't right

I saw you

Or was it somebody else

I remember your face

And your Converse shoes

I hope you know

what it means to me

When things get rough

and I lose control

I can't let go,

let go, let go-o-o

Oh yes... a little bit... yes...

(Shutter clicks)

Like that! That's so great!

Barbara:
Albert, move yourself!

Get me another bloody Mary!

- It's a f***in' emergency.

- Oh, in that case, uh...

Whoa! (Laughs hysterically)

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