Another Kind of Wedding Page #6

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(Tammy scoffs)

Do you have a problem with me?

I see myself in you.

That's the problem.

You're a bit of a mystery.

(Roy humming to himself)

Albert:
Oh, hello there.

Roy:
Good agua.

Yes, I've been enjoying the

cucumber flavor. Delicious!

Roy:
I think about water a lot.

Albert:
Really?

Roy:
All the time actually.

Albert:
You do, eh?

Roy:
Yeah.

- Water is everywhere.

- Yes.

Water is everything.

And, it's permanent.

- It evaporates, though.

- It becomes dry sometimes.

Bet then what happens? It

evaporates into something,

- is that was rain is?

- Yeah.

- I think it turns into...

- Rain.

...clouds and then it rains.

Oh. My... God...

My God.

(Electronic dance music)

Oh... you!

Mwah!

I hate to keep bugging you

about this,

but I wanna get everybody

straight.

- There's Levi...

- Yeah.

- there's that Mexican lady.

- Mareva.

She seems like a...

lovely person.

I bet we can expect some

stories from her this weekend.

Whaddya mean?

Well...

legend has it, that when

she was at McGill,

she went through half

the faculty.

The older men.

That's what she likes to sit on.

(Electronic dance music)

Ooh, f*** off! Hey!

Get the f*** off!

(Slow Motown tune plays)

Now she has gone

I think I'll go home

My future just past me by

(Sighs)

(Muffled music)

There she goes

An angel in my eyes

There she goes

Whiskey.

I love her passing by

I love her,

For she is my dream

She is my dream

My only dream

(Door creaks open)

(Sighs)

(Muffled rhythmic beats)

(Footsteps crunch in the snow)

Do you miss your mulch?

(Passionate breathing)

- (Exhales)

- Get off.

I think I'll go home

My future just past me by

There she goes

That angel in my eyes

There she goes

I love her passing by

I love her,

For she is me dream

She is my dream

Louisa:
I know you must

think I'm like,

the most terrible person

in the world right now.

Which is fair. I guess I am.

Matt:
We just started hanging

out and it's...

it's a f***ing clich,

but it really just happened.

Louisa:
But you know, you chose

to move back to Toronto

to pursue your acting career.

Matt:
Oh, this is so messed up.

But you gotta know, Kurt,

how much she cares about you.

Louisa:
And then so much time

passed.

That's not an excuse, I know.

I'm so sorry.

(Sighs)

(Slaps chest)

Louisa:
Don't take too many

potatoes

'cuz I want you to fit

in your clothes.

Okay, don't micro-manage me.

Hey! Over here, big boy!

- Hmm.

- (Small chuckle)

Whoa, I feel like sh*t!

(Barbara laughs)

You look like sh*t!

Hey, by the way,

I'm over the whole

- chicken in the oven fiasco.

- Oh, thank God.

Hello, everybody.

As you all may know, Barbara

is an incredible singer.

- Oh, f*** me.

- Yeah!

So I thought it would be fun

if my multi-talented,

and powerful future

daughter-in-law, Louisa,

would accompany her on the piano

while she sings something

for us.

(Cheering and applause)

Misha:
Serenade me, Ronald!

We should do something

off the cuff like this

at our wedding.

Yeah, we should make a plan

to do something off the cuff.

(Slow piano tune plays)

Give her all your love

Not only just a part

But all the love

That you can find

Deep within your heart

For it's only foolish luck

The hand that

we've been served

For all the love

that you can give

Is the least

that she deserves

Kurt:
Thank you, thank you.

Thank you.

(Rapping)

What up, motherfuckers?

I said, what is up,

motherfuckers?!

(Cheering)

- (Kurt beatboxing)

- Ya man!

(Rapping) I've got two moms and

a motherfucking sucky bombs

I got loose lips, no chick

and a pissed of sis

But let me tell you what

the f*** I'm here for

I'm 'bout to talk about this

phony baloney matrimony

That we all travelled

here for

I met a girl,

real nice things seemed

Then out the blue

I get a call one day,

I say what up, who dis?

He said, it's your brother,

Matty J.

I'm in love with your girl,

Kurt

I'm so sorry,

I don't know what to say

It's goddamn Deutschland

who made it this way

So the moral of the story,

the one you need to hear

Is that blood ain't thicker

than water

This sh*t is crystal clear

if you gotta good girl

Never let the angel go,

especially to Germany

She'll end up with your bro

- Stop it! Tupac.

- No, f*** it.

Hey, I love you, okay?

I am so in love with you.

I want to be with you, okay.

You and I, we should just get

on a f***in' motorcycle,

and just...

(Punching thud)

Oh!

Tammy:
Help! Help!

- Kurt:
Whoa.

- Help! Help!

I got him! I got him

It's okay!

(Kurt giggling)

Matty! Matty, it's okay.

He's fine.

He didn't mean anything.

Get him out of here.

- Hey.

- We make a good team.

- I think we should be a team.

- At what?

I play the uke.

I'm pretty average.

- It's okay, it's okay.

- You okay?

Kurt:
I love you, Matty!

It's okay, it's okay,

it's okay, it's okay...

It's okay, everything's gonna

be fine. Just give me one...

Carrie:
No!

Tammy:
Matty!

Kurt:
It's okay.

I'm so scared. Please.

Glad that's over.

Whoa! No, no, wait! Wait!

I'm black belt in karate.

Well, a brown belt,

but I got too busy with sh*t.

But I will take you down.

- What the f***?

- Don't make me do that!

No, no, Matty!

Kurt:
Thatta boy, Matty!

Matt:
I'm gonna kick your

f***ing ass.

Oh please come!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Hey, come on, let him in.

(Fighting grunts)

What does that bandana mean?

It's just to wipe.

Oh, it's not code for

anything?

You want it?

You can have it.

Your sweat smells like

pelonia flowers.

(Ding)

(Kurt and Matt panting)

By the way,

you're a terrible f***ing

rapper.

(Kurt panting)

Excuse me.

Yeah, somebody left a pile

of sh*t in the elevator.

What?

(Door rumbles shut)

(Sounds of traffic)

(Muted slow song plays

from the car)

It's the end of you and me

(Shuts song off)

(Sighs)

That was nuts.

Barb's voice is so amazing.

So sweet of her.

I don't think I'm gonna be

able to get

that look you gave him

out of my head.

(Sharp exhale)

What look?

- (Scoffs) Get out.

- Matt...

Please get out,

please get out.

(Car door opens)

(Turns ignition,

radio turns on)

(Rumbles off)

(Door opens and shuts)

(Keys jingle)

Agh!

(Items crash to the floor)

(Ding)

(Door opens and shuts)

Oh, how you gettin' home?

Bus.

That sounds suitably

depressing.

You're gonna be all right.

(Ding)

(Elevator door rumbles open

and shut)

(Door opens)

Barbara:
Albert, I need your

help.

- Okay.

- Can you uh, here.

- Oh my...

- I have to say something,

you have been the most

exquisite date.

Well, I have enjoyed every

single minute of it.

(Chuckles)

(Frantic knocking at door)

Tammy:
Is Barbara here?

I need to speak with her.

It seems to be Tammy.

Yeah, I-I can hear her,

I'm 3 feet away.

Albert:
I'll see you guys.

Tammy:
Thank you.

If you need me, I'll be

at the cucumber water jug.

Oh, you look beautiful.

Ha! Have you looked

in the mirror lately?

(Sighs)

Matthew is gone.

He and Louisa got into

an argument and he left.

Where'd he go?

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