Antz Page #3

FORMICA:

(uncomfortable)

Conversation...yes...well...

(to Carpenter)

Wasn't she briefed?

QUEEN:

(holding up a baby)

Look, General! A darling baby

soldier!

(emotionally, to baby)

Don't try to be a hero! Just make

sure you come back in one piece!

(handing it off)

Next!

FORMICA:

(using the

interruption)

I'll take your suggestion under

advisement, Princess. In the

meanwhile --

Formica turns to go.

BALA:

General -- we have to talk sometime!

FORMICA:

Very well. Carpenter, is there a

convenient time to talk vis-a-vis:

relationship?

CARPENTER:

Actually, sir, we're ahead of

schedule. We have thirty-six seconds

available right now.

FORMICA:

Outstanding. Princess...?

Bala's a little fazed...but grabs her chance.

BALA:

So, um...how was your day? What did

you do?

FORMICA:

(scouring his mind)

Well...

(that's it!)

I declared war!

BALA:

(sadly)

Oh...and I was afraid we had nothing

in common...

CARPENTER:

(under his breath)

Fourteen-fifty hours, sir.

FORMICA:

Duty calls!

He strides across the floor. Bala watches him go, her

antennae drooping unhappily.

FORMICA:

No squeak. Outstanding!

We see through the now-open doors into the throne-room as

Formica and Carpenter double-time out of the frame.

The Queen sees that Bala is unhappy.

QUEEN:

(sympathetically)

I felt the same way before I got

married. Confused. Scared.

BALA:

(hopefully)

You did?

QUEEN:

Yes -- but I did my duty and sorted

out all those messy feelings. The

wonderful thing about ant life is

that everything is arranged. Even

marriage. You're lucky -- General

Formica is a paragon of anthood.

BALA:

(unconvinced)

Yes...he's wonderful...

The doors swing shut on them -- revealing the two guard ants

who were CRUSHED in the wake of Formica's exit.

INT. BALA'S QUARTERS - DAY

Bala enters, followed by her handmaidens, who are in a state

of giggling infatuation over Formica. Bala is scowling as

she leafs through a wedding catalogue.

HANDMAIDEN #1

(swooning over

General Formica)

The General's body segments are

so...symmetrical.

HANDMAIDEN #2

(giggling)

I'd let him order me into battle

anyday.

Bala hurls the swatch book against the wall.

HANDMAIDEN #1

Princess? What's wrong?

BALA:

Wrong? How could anything be wrong?

I'm going to marry General Formica

and be a queen and have millions of

babies, just like my mom.

(concerned)

Do I look fat to you?

HANDMAIDEN #2

(knowingly, to

Handmaiden #2)

Pre-wedding jitters.

HANDMAIDEN #1

You just need to blow off some steam.

Let's go to the bar at the Royal Club!

BALA:

The Club's so stuffy. I want to try

someplace different.

HANDMAIDEN #2

There isn't anyplace else --

(making a joke)

Except the worker bar.

BALA:

The worker bar! Yes! That's where

I want to go!

The handmaidens look shocked.

HANDMAIDEN #1

But -- we can't -- there'll be

workers there.

INT. ANT BAR - NIGHT

A long bar filled with ants. The bar itself seems to stretch

for miles, and there are hundreds of ants trying to get a

drink...unfortunately, there's only one bartender. Z is at

the bar with WEAVER, a burly ant soldier.

Z:

We declared war again?

(off Weaver's nod)

Are you scared?

WEAVER:

(shrugs)

I'll be back.

The BARTENDER, a grizzled veteran, slaps down what looks like

a couple of large green beer mugs. Actually, they're aphids,

little green critters he fills up from a number of kegs

hanging from the ceiling. The kegs are specialized ants with

hugely distended stomachs, which spray liquid into the aphids.

APHIDS:

(as they're slapped

on bar)

Ouch! Ouch!

BARTENDER:

Two aphid beers.

Z:

(as Bartender leaves)

Did you see that? How he gave you

the beers, not me? I'm telling you,

he's got something against workers.

WEAVER:

I don't know what you're talking

about, Z.

Z:

Come on -- everybody dumps on us

workers. You soldiers get all the

glory. Plus you get to go out into

the world, meet interesting insects,

and kill them.

WEAVER:

Yeah, but you get to spend all day

with those fabulous worker babes.

We can see that Weaver is eyeing a nearby table of "Worker

Babes", including Z's friend Azteca.

Z:

Weaver, they're career girls.

They're obsessed with digging.

(sighs)

No, I'll probably never meet the girl

for me.

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