Antz Page #4

WEAVER:

Who said there was a girl for you?

I was talking about a girl for me.

(quaffing his aphid

beer)

Don't you want your aphid beer?

Z:

I can't help it. I have a thing

about drinking from the anus of

another creature. Call me crazy.

WEAVER:

Z, we've known each other a long

time, right?

Z:

Of course. You were born two seconds

after me.

WEAVER:

And all the time I've known you,

you've been grumping and groaning.

You should quit making waves. Go

with the flow.

Z:

Weaver, I'm an insect, not a liquid.

Down the bar, there's a commotion. A grizzled old SCOUT ant

has had too much to drink.

DRUNK SCOUT:

Have you been to Insectopia? Have

you? No, ya goddam larvas! But I

have...

(becoming emotional)

...Mosquitos n' caterpillars n'

beetles -- all livin' in peace,

stuffin their guts with food...No

rules, no regulations...you can be

your own ant there...

(howling drunkenly)

It's Insectopia! Insectopia!

Z:

Hey, Weaver, listen!

DRUNK SCOUT:

I was cut off from my unit -- found

it by mistake --

(slurring)

It changed my life!

(spraying another

soldier with saliva)

You see -- ya follow the great yellow

egg, and you come to the land of red

and white --

SOLDIERS:

You've had enough for one night!

Come on, Gramps, before you get in

trouble.

The soldiers pull him from the bar, carrying him out.

Z:

(excited)

Hey, did you hear what he said?!

WEAVER:

Poor guy's had one too many scouting

missions.

MUSIC STARTS UP.

INT. ANT BAR ENTRANCE - NIGHT

Princess Bala is peering in at the entrance to the ant bar,

accompanied by her worried-looking handmaidens.

HANDMAIDEN #2

We shouldn't be doing this -- it

isn't proper!

BALA:

I'm the Princess, aren't I?

HANDMAIDEN #2

Of course --

BALA:

And do Princesses do improper things?

HANDMAIDEN #2

Of course not --

BALA:

Then if I go to the worker bar, it

isn't improper. Anyway, don't worry.

No one will recognize us in our

disguises.

She adjusts her "disguise", a hardhat, tied down Jackie O.-

style with an ant's version of a Chanel scarf.

BALA:

I'm just a common worker, cooling off

after a rough day!

Music starts. An ant BARKER takes the mic at one end of the

dance floor.

BARKER:

(on loudspeaker)

Okay, folks. It's six-fifteen, and

that means it's time to dance.

Every ant gets up to dance. Weaver turns to Z.

WEAVER:

(draining his beer)

Time to cut a rug, Z!

Z:

I'm not in the mood.

(disgusted)

Even when they're off work, they

follow orders.

WEAVER:

Well, you just sit here and be a

party-pooper.

Weaver joins the rest of the ants who are lining up for the

dance. The Barker calls out the steps in a bored monotone --

all the ants already know the steps. Everyone dances in

perfect synch.

BARKER:

(southern twang)

And a left-right-quarterstep-back

step-halfstep -- a left-right-

quarterstep-backstep-halfstep --

a left-right-quarterstep-backstep

halfstep --

AT THE ENTRANCE, Bala smiles mischievously at her handmaidens.

BALA:

I'm going to ask one of these

mindless, primitive worker-types to

dance with me!

HANDMAIDEN #1

But General Formica would be furious!

BALA:

(enjoying the idea)

I know.

The handmaidens are appalled. Bala whirls away from them,

sets her sights and searches the crowd -- zeroing in on --

Z, who's watching the other ants dance.

Z:

What a bunch of losers. Mindless

zombies capitulating to an oppressive

system --

BALA:

Wanna dance?

Bala's standing right there. Z is instantly smitten.

Z:

Me?! Yes!!! I mean --

(regaining suavosity)

Just let me finish my beer.

Not breaking eye contact with Bala, Z smiles suavely.

Reaches suavely for a beer. Suavely grabs the candle in a

glass jar off the bar. Suavely singes his face.

He plays it off with a rakish little laugh. A bit

apprehensive, Bala heads onto the floor. Z follows her.

Z:

So uh -- how come I haven't seen you

around here before?

BALA:

(covering up)

I work in the palace, I don't get out

much.

Z:

The palace, hunh? I bet those royals

really live it up. Of course they're

all a little, you know, from

inbreeding --

BALA:

(shocked)

What?

Z and Bala step onto the dance floor with the rest of the

ants, but Z can't do any of the steps.

Z:

Now, let's see, I -- it's been a

while since I -- I think you --

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