Anuvahood Page #4

- Oi, TJ. Tell him, blud.

- Hajima.

- Shut your mouth, man.

- My eye.

I ain't gonna lie, Bookie. K blatantly

gets more girls than you, G!

Whatever, TJ, man.

Why do you always do this, man?

Definitely

some homo business going on.

Oi! Oi, listen!

I told you I am not gay, all right?

- Hiya, Kenneth!

- Hi, Kenneth! How's your mum?

- Yeah, she's cool, man.

- Tell her I said hi, yeah?

- Will do.

- Bye!

Goodbye!

Bwoy! I'm not saying nothing, rudeboy!

I am not saying nothing. Wow.

(Laughing)

I don't know them. They just

see my mum in the shop, innit?

I get girls, all right?

You know I get girls, man.

I'll draw any girl here, you get me?

Show me a ting, yeah?

And I will draw it.

(Squeaking)

- Oh, well. Come, we kick, man.

- Hold up, blud. Draw that.

Hey, I saw you walking past me

The other day...

Dios mo,

that girl is... very beautiful.

Shabba denaya! That girl is peng!

What was you saying, blud?

Draw anything, yeah?

Turned me on...

What, her? She ain't even all that,

man. Peng tings only out here.

- Shook yoot.

- I am not a shook yoot.

Don't worry, blud,

you're looking sharp today still.

(Sniffs) Shut up, man.

Enrique, you might wanna

take your journal out.

I'm about to show you,

man, how to get a woman.

- Oi. Remix!

- (Music plays)

Mina mina mysize!

About, you get more tings than me.

(Sniffs) All right. Cool.

Excuse me. Excuse me. I'm so...

I'm so sorry to bother you, yeah?

I was just hoping maybe

I could have a quick word.

Sorry about the shouting. I was just in

front of my boys and I got a little hype.

- It's cool.

- Can I ask your name?

- It's Persia.

- Like the car.

- Wow, that's a real beautiful name.

- Thank you. So, can I ask you yours?

It's K. So, er... where you off to,

looking all smart?

Oh, I just had a job interview

round the corner.

Blud, is she on it?

Go on, fam-a-lam, you can do it!

If you get a second interview,

then maybe you could give me a call

and maybe I could go through

some interview techniques with you.

You know, give you a hand.

Interview techniques?

You make me laugh.

Well, then, K, I guess

I'd better take your number, then.

Yeah?

Yeah, why not?

You seem like a nice guy.

I am nice, twice as nice,

nice with a lickle bit of spice.

Sorry?

Nah, I'm just saying, innit?

I do music, innit? I do this.

See them man over there?

They're my boys and all, yeah.

But trust me when I tell you none of

them know how to satisfy a girl like me.

You get me? To be honest, I don't really

like bragging about it. You get me?

- Right.

- But all of them man over there?

Two minute, man. And I'm talking

two minutes. You get me?

Me, on the other hand,

swagger's on point,

I go all night, and I'm talking all night,

like at least an hour.

Now, I'm a player

when it comes to the tings.

I'm thinking maybe me and you can

link up and do a little ting, get me?

You could come over to mine and we

can go over some interview techniques.

Cos I got techniques.

I got techniques like twelve tens.

I'm just gonna grind, man,

an hour of pure sensation.

Yeah.

Cos I do this, innit? Hm, it's nothing,

boy. It feels so nice, innit?

- What's he doing, blud?

- Who knows, blud?

I know you like that, innit?

It feels so good. It feels so warm.

Slow it down, slow it down.

Take time, think about the sheep.

You can do it, K.

You can do it. That's the one. Hm.

- Oh, yeah, slow it down.

- Wow.

Oh, my days, blud!

What the f*** are you doing, man?

- Tyrone.

- You trying to f*** that bollard, blud?

Nah, nah, it's just an itch, innit?

- Man's trying to f*** the bollard, blud.

- Nah, man.

You trying to sex that ting, blud?

Cos same man's already pressed that?

- Yeah?

- Yeah! You can't draw girls, blud.

- Ha-ha-ha-ha! Jackanory time!

- Oh, come on, man.

- You went there, blud.

- Sh*t.

- He is a friend of yours?

- Nah, that guy ain't no friend of mine.

That guy's just pure mean, blud,

just pure mean.

Enrique, maybe you should head back.

I'll get K to give you a call later.

Yeah, run along, Spanish boy.

It's fine. I can stay out

for a few more hours.

All right, cool. Wait here, though.

Boy, if you men don't mind, yeah,

I don't need this today, man.

I'm going yard.

Four, three, two, one. I'm going.

Just kotch, TJ, man.

What's wrong with you, man?

Why do you always do this?

It's cool, man. You're with me, innit?

I'm a topboy out here. Top of the top.

Me and Tyrone are cool.

He ain't gonna do nothing to you

if you're with me, man.

Come, man. I ain't Kenneth out here,

you know, blud? Sh*t.

(Tyrone) Cos you know it's time!

My time!

- What possessions you got for man?

- Blud, on a level, I ain't got nothing.

Tyrone, cool?

I don't know who you are, blud,

but I will break your head.

I will confiscate your life, rudeboy.

You better get out of my proximity

at least two metre radius apart.

Furthermore, who are you

to be calling out man's name?

Do you know man to be calling out

man's name? Apologise, blud.

- Come on, Tyrone.

- I said apologise, blud!

- Just apologise, man.

- Sorry.

That's what I'm talking about. Everyone

needs to know their role out here.

Next time I'll slap that dry roasted

peanut head of yours. Ha-ha!

Who's on the throne?

Can't hear you, man.

- I said who's on the throne?

- (AIl) Tyrone.

Yes, man! That's what I'm saying.

Big Mike ain't got nothing on me.

- What you saying, TJ?

- Safe, Tyrone.

- What creps are they, blud?

- Red ones.

I can't believe Kenneth thinks

he can get girls, though, blud.

- I was just chatting to her, innit?

- You man are all batty boys!

You can't draw girls, blud!

I get girls, blud.

Touch that, blud. I'll allow you, innit?

- Kinda hench still.

- That's right, blud, hench!

You man could never be bigger

than me. You man are inferior to me.

If I think about it, I should slap you lot

up for even trying to dial up with man!

(Phone rings)

Ha-ha-ha. Ha!

What does that say, blud?

- Squinty eyes! What does that say?

- Link number five.

That's right, blud. Man's got five links

out here. You man ain't got none.

Five! None. Five! None. Five! None.

Heh-heh-heh. Yes, baby.

Yeah. Nah, nah.

Man's not around tonight still, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. What you saying? What

you saying for Friday night, babes?

No, no, no! Actually, you know what?

You know what it is.

It's a raving thing, you get me?

Ministry. Next Hype.

Yes, baby, you know it's about

sex in the afternoon, innit?

Sex after "Kyle" and lick a bit of head

after "Dickinson's Real Deal".

Yes, babes. Listen, come to mine

Friday about 12, yeah?

Man's tongue's ready, baby.

I said I'll rub your belly, baby.

Yes, that's what I'm talking about.

Ha-ha! Man's got all these links, blud.

And I'm still with my babymama! What?

No one can't tell me nothing, blud.

Yes. Now, the only p*ssy I've ever

seen you with, blud, is this little prick.

- Oh!

- Lend me them creps, blud.

Oh, come on, blud.

Hey, sir, can't you see the sign?

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