Anything Else Page #10

You know what this does to your

nasal membranes? Eats them raw.

- Just do some with me.

- No.

Maybe it'll turn me on.

Darling, have a drink.

l have to talk to Dobel.

[Paula:
] lt's just a social thing.

lt's not like we're drug addicts.

They snorted cocaine.

Can you believe that?

My mother fed me Cheerios.

She's giving her daughter coke.

By the way, it did not

solve our problem in bed.

l was not making eyes

at my mother's boyfriend.

God, you're so paranoid.

Why would l be interested

in a horse whisperer

who lives in Topanga Canyon

and has one of those giant SUVs

and stupid German Shepherds

and chain saws.

How do you know

so much about him?

Well, he was interesting to talk to.

So you're saying you're on the defensive

because you wouldn't snort cocaine?

lt's not the cocaine.

lt's the principle.

- What principle?

- And, you know, she's not entirely wrong.

l mean, l am too rigid and disciplined.

- What is this?

- You don't want to know.

What is it, a monologue

for some alleged comedian

who thinks to be offensive

is in itself enough to be funny?

l wish it were.

l certainly can't write at home anymore.

- What is it?

- My contract extension with Harvey.

- Unsigned, of course.

- You don't understand, okay?

lf l don't re-up with him,

he will truly die.

- He'll commit suicide.

- l understand.

No, l understand completely.

What are you doing?

Dobel, what the hell are you doing?.

- What is wrong with you?.

- Where are you meeting him?

What did you do?.

- At lsabella's. What did you do?

- Well, go in and tell him it's over.

Tell him you and l are going

to California to write as a team.

Are you insane?

Why did you tear this up?.

Because you're not spending

five more minutes with this guy,

much less seven years

with this fumbling vantz

who robs you blind with a sliding scale.

l can't tell him it's over, Dobel.

l cannot...

l'll go with you.

l'll sit in the place while you tell him.

l'll give you moral support.

And don't beat around the bush.

Once you tergiversate, you're lost.

l'm sorry l'm late.

My mom has this hyperactive thyroid.

Sorry.

l ran into Dick Mallory.

He's working with a comic

who needs material.

l naturally told him your price.

l said, you know, what you get.

The kid works dirty.

A lot of bathroom jokes.

l said, ''Look, Jerry Falk is a professional.

''lf what you need are bathroom jokes,

he can do them.''

Harvey?

- What's wrong with your voice?

- We should talk.

Yeah. That's the way l am.

l always like to settle business

before the meal.

This way, you can relax

and enjoy lunch.

You brought the contract, right?

Harvey...

there's no question that you were there

for me from the start.

And if you think it's easy

selling an 18-year-old unknown...

it's a jungle out there.

And, and you've done

a very professional job.

And l've paid you...

l mean, the sliding scale.

You know, even though

it slid toward you.

Now... now l see myself

moving in a whole new direction.

Meaning?

Basically, l'm interested

in more serious things.

A novel, maybe some plays,

maybe not even comedy.

The dollars are in the jokes.

Funny is money.

l mean, you know, as a hobby,

later, when you're rich

someday, if you want to try a book... fine.

Although... the young kids are not readers.

Harvey...

What? You're all flushed.

l'm not going to re-sign with you.

What?

Now l know this may be a little,

uh, disappointing to you,

but l'm moving to California

and reevaluating my priorities.

- You're what?

- l'm not going to need a manager.

You're not re-signing with me?

lt's not the end of the world.

- You're dumping me?

- No, not dumping. l'm moving.

l'm changing my goals.

Don't take it badly.

No. My life...

My life is over.

You're not re-signing with me?.

Harvey, calm down.

But my future. My plans.

The humiliation.

You're dumping me.

You're overreacting.

You ungrateful,

phony, two-timing...

you louse.

Folks, this is not what you think.

- l've invested all my dreams in you.

- l'm leaving town.

- What have l done wrong?.

- Nothing.

- How have l failed you?.

- You've been great.

Can we discuss this elsewhere?

This is the loyalty l get

for years of struggle?.

Harvey, not everybody

signs every contract for life.

The room is turning black.

Turning black.

Air. Air.

Dobel. Dobel.

He's firing me.

This is the payoff l get.

- l'm out.

- He's taking it badly.

- Pains in my chest.

- Can we get some brandy for him?

Please reconsider.

Tell him to reconsider.

l'll go home and think about it.

Listen to me.

He's not reconsidering.

He's moving on.

Get on with your life.

[people gasping]

Everybody, stand back.

Relax.

Oh, my God.

[Dobel:
] There seems to be

a pulse beat here.

- [Falk:
] What have l done?

- We should get an ambulance.

An ambulance? What have l done?

Oh, my God.

Relax. The paramedics

will pound on the chest.

l killed him.

l shouldn't have listened to you.

Sometimes the victim comes back.

You don't need a manager.

Well, maybe not,

but l don't need him to die.

Relax. lf he dies because

you don't sign a contract with him,

then you should have

nothing to do with him.

Harvey?

[Falk.:
] Harvey dld not dle.

As Dobel predlcted, he survlved.

l walked around ln the clty,

trylng to get my thoughts ln order.

Whenever l'm unsure or troubled,

l take to the clty streets.

Walklng ln New York clears my head.

l couldn't deny lt.

There was a feellng of freedom,

of exhllaratlon.

[Falk:
] Hey.

- Hi.

- Hey.

Jerry, you remember Connie.

- Connie, nice to see you.

- l invited her for dinner.

- You're cooking?

- Yes.

l'm making spaghetti.

He makes fun of me

because l only know how

to make spaghetti for eight people.

l can't change

the recipe proportionally.

So tonight we'll be having

five extra portions.

[Falk:
] l have news.

l've parted ways with Harvey.

Oh.

The spaghetti for eight is terrific.

Let me explain what happened.

There l am, having a nice time,

a little drunk.

l have two drinks and l'm ready

to hold up a Brink's truck.

l start to see what it is about Connie

that Amanda had raved about.

She was very charming

and pretty and smart.

l started to get the feeling

that she was finding me engaging.

l've never found conventionally

handsome men attractive.

l much prefer faces with character.

l've fallen for some pretty

odd-looking men in my life.

[Falk.:
] After dlnner, l found myself

alone ln the kltchen wlth Connle

and wantlng to touch her.

l say thls because lt was the flrst tlme

slnce meetlng Amanda

l'd even looked at another woman.

And l began to feel that

maybe the tlme had come for me

to pack up and start over

ln Callfornla wlth Dobel.

l'm terminating our sessions and

moving to California with Dobel.

There's a job waiting for us.

l'll miss New York,

but if l can accumulate enough money,

l can return and work on

my own projects.

What do you think about my decision?

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