Anything Else Page #9

a survival kit.

Do you have a little time now?

l want to chat with you.

lt's just a joint,

but they have great Chinese food.

We're in luck.

There's a guy pulling out.

Let me speak to you about something.

l have an acquaintance

out in California who produces

and he's doing some

comedy shows on television.

l know they're looking

for teams of writers.

lf l told them that you and l were a team,

l think we could get hired.

ln California?

Yeah. All the action is out there.

lt's not here.

l don't know what Amanda would say.

Though her mother's always wanted

to go to Hollywood.

Can l explain something?

l'm talking about a clean break.

Me with the Board of Education,

and you with everybody.

With that fish peddler,

garment center manager you have,

with your shrink and with that little girl

who gives you a hard time.

l can'tjust leave...

go by myself?

Not go by yourself. Go with me.

We'd go together so you can't

fall back on being alone.

l've given it a lot of thought, Falk,

and l know for me, it's now or never.

[car starting]

Think about it.

Just think about it.

Hey.

Hey, l was waiting

for this space for five minutes.

l was here for five minutes, waiting...

You got a problem with me parking here?

You been waiting? Too bad.

You slow, you blow.

- l'm a busy man. l have things to do.

- But l was...

What, are you high on crack

to be arguing with him?.

- l was waiting here for five minutes.

- You want to meet God?

Do you? Get out of here.

Go home, old man.

Do what the man says.

Go, before l kick you in the ass.

Get in your car and go home.

And you, turn around.

ldiots.

My God, Dobel.

Either one of those guys

could have beat you to a pulp.

ls it so important you insist?

Life's unfair.

You said it yourself.

Those guys have the muscles

and we're blessed with wit.

Later on, in the quiet and safety

of some delicatessen,

we can write a biting satire

and expose all their foibles

and have a great, big laugh.

Two jerks.

[Falk:
] But in the meantime,

they've got the biceps.

[brakes squealing]

What are you doing?

Why are you parking?

Dobel, what are you doing?

Why are we back here?

What is that for? Dobel.

Oh, my God. Dobel.

Dobel.

Dobel, let's go. My god.

You're sick in the head,

you know that? Crazy.

[engine sputtering]

Start the car.

What are you doing?

[engine starts]

[typing]

l had mixed feelings over the day.

On the one hand, l was convinced

Dobel was a raving, psychotic lunatic.

On the other hand, l had

a kind of odd admiration for him.

l would have just slinked away, bullied.

You know?

But he wouldn't let the injustice rest.

He resisted.

There are always some people

who will resist.

And, as he says,

the issue is always fascism.

He's nuts.

And yet the thought

of giving up everything here

and starting fresh in California,

it's so tempting and exhilarating.

Why do l get so scared?

Because l'm not a leaver.

The one time Amanda

and l broke up, she left me.

lt all happened too fast.

l was overwhelmed by you.

lt was a whirlwind and right away,

we were living together.

l think we'd both benefit

by some time apart.

l don't need time apart.

l know l love you.

Well, l do.

l can't think.

[horn honking]

l get these migraines and sometimes,

my throat closes up and l can't breathe.

l feel trapped and suffocated.

Maybe if we slept

with the window open.

- l'll move in with April.

- What if you return to a shrink?

l told you, shrinks don't work for me.

l know how to fool them.

Just all that talk about

how we were made for each other,

and marriage, l...

She moved out.

l was miserable.

Eating moo goo gai pan

out of boxes every night,

having dreams of death.

l tried dating, but it was hard

getting her out of my mind.

Why don't you come

to the ladies' room?

The door locks.

We can be alone.

The wine has put me, um,

very much in the mood.

Okay. l'll count to 30

and meet you in the ladies' room.

Meet me where?

l'm sorry.

My mind was somewhere else.

[Falk.:
] Then, a few weeks later,

just as suddenly as she moved out,

Amanda returned.

[Amanda:
] l'm back.

But if you don't want me, l understand.

You're back?

l couldn't be without you.

l tried, but l just couldn't.

You didn't move in with

your girlfriend April, like you said.

l found out you went to Naples

with Tony Hanken.

Well, you can understand.

He wanted me to go with him

to Naples and Rome.

lt sounded so romantic.

Those are places l've dreamed of.

l thought that's what l wanted.

But l missed you too much.

But of course you made love with him.

Yes, but l thought of you.

You were really the person l was

making love to in Naples and Florence

and Venice, on the airplane

Okay. Enough.

Oh, yeah... and at the Vatican.

All l could think about

while we were doing it

was how much

you would love that ceiling.

So l'm back.

l'm home because...

l can't live without you.

[Falk.:
] We made love that nlght.

lt was wonderful.

lf only certaln moments ln llfe

could last,

just stay frozen,

llke some old vase.

[typing]

[door opens, woman laughing]

Paula, would you keep it down?

You're going to wake Amanda.

Jerry, you haven't met Ralph.

This is Ralph.

Can you keep it down?

Amanda's...

we saw Elaine Stritch

on Broadway tonight.

She was magnificent.

Unbelievable.

l wish l could do that.

- You can.

- l can.

l mean, l have a voice.

l just need some snappy dialogue

from you, Jerry.

Absolutely. l'm sorry.

l'm, uh...

[Paula:
] Ralph, don't give me much.

l've never had cocaine before.

- Okay, just a little.

- ls that coc... what are you...

- ls that, uh...?

- lt's blow.

Blow? What are you doing with blow?

And on my computer?

You're such a stick in the mud.

- You can partake.

- l'm not going to partake.

- What is going on?

- l said they'd wake you.

Mother, you know how

difficult it is for me to sleep.

l took two sleeping pills tonight.

We saw Elaine Stritch on Broadway.

You want some cocaine?

No, we don't want any cocaine, Amanda.

- l've never tried it.

- l've never tried lots of things.

- Bungee jumping, alligator wrestling.

- l'd have a little.

- You don't know what you're doing.

- No fears, Jerry.

Ralph knows exactly what he's doing.

- Nothing to worry about.

- Great. l won't be a part of this.

[Paula:
] You are so goddamn prissy.

Thank you very much, Paula.

She has a point.

You're never up for anything.

l'm up for things that

you're not up for. Okay?

- What is that supposed to mean?

- Nothing.

- [snorting]

- l'm not going to snort cocaine, okay?

l'm a nice, square Jewish boy, okay?

l'm not putting anything up my nose.

My God, Paula.

- Are you kidding me?

- l don't know. l do it right?

lt'll make you feel sexy, Jerry.

Does it?

Does it make you feel sexy?

- [Ralph:
] Sexy.

- This could be interesting.

Some people it makes feel sexy.

Other it makes belligerent.

With my luck, you'll take a knife to me.

[Ralph:
] Come on, just do a line.

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