Appropriate Behavior Page #6

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f***ed in like three weeks.

I am not gonna talk

about this on my birthday.

On your birthday?

What are you, eight?

So you happened to be born.

Big f***ing deal.

Oh, I'm sorry, all attention

must revolve around you

100% of the time.

I forgot.

No, that's not true.

I'm not like that.

I don't know why I get

so shocked when you

do sh*t like this.

You're a grown woman

in a creepy,

co-dependent relationship

with your parents.

It's totally normal,

and you have no idea

what you're talking about

because you completely

abandoned your family.

It wasn't a choice!

Of course, it's a choice!

Says the closet case!

They know I know they know.

I'm waiting for the right

time to bring it up,

out of respect for them.

I think you and I see the world

totally differently.

We do. You know, you think

that I'm a bad person

because I'm not coming out

on your terms,

and I don't agree with that.

That is not true.

I didn't say that.

That's totally true.

You're not listening to me.

I'm listening to you, and

everything you're saying

is pissing me off

and completely inaccurate.

You are ruining my birthday.

You're ruining my twenties.

I can't--

I don't have the patience

to deal with you.

That's fine.

Let's break up.

Fine.

Okay.

If you're gonna go, just go.

You don't get to take things.

I got you those panties.

Absolutely not.

F*** you.

What the f*** is wrong with you?

I got these for you.

You're a f***ing crazy person!

You want to play like this?

Do you want to do this?

Okay.

I bought all the booze

for this party.

Are you happy?

Is this what you wanted?

You know what-- don't bother

telling your parents about us.

I know you, and the more

that I think about it,

this is probably just a phase.

God, this was such a waste.

Hey.

Hi.

Nice hair.

Thanks.

This is Jon Francis.

This is Maxine.

Jon, show her your chest tattoo.

It took them four hours

to do it.

It's a giant squid

biting a sperm whale.

Cool.

How are you?

I'm okay.

You?

Good.

You should meet my date.

Where is she?

At the bar, getting us drinks.

Great.

She sounds awesome.

She is.

God, look how things worked out

for both of us.

You have your lady who

fetches you drinks at a bar,

like a maid, and I have

my hunky rebel with a cause.

Oh, what's the cause?

Jon's spearheading a campaign

to bridge the gaps

of gentrification in Brooklyn

through mass Kombucha brewing.

That's not a thing.

Yeah, we're gonna go dance now.

Jon's known all over Bushwick

for his vogueing.

What a coincidence.

T's an amazing dancer.

Oh, is she?

Yeah.

She goes to her west African

dance class religiously.

Is she black?

No.

She sounds awesome.

She is.

Tibet?

Hey, Shirin.

This is your date?

You two know each other?

Yeah, we work together.

Tibet, this is Jon Francis.

Jon, show her your chest tattoo.

Uh, Tibet's a former hair model.

Yeah, I heard.

Maxine and I used to date.

Can you imagine?

Nope.

Why not?

I thought you were straight.

F*** you.

Whoa, that is uncalled for!

Your hair is uncalled for.

Baby, let's go get high.

I don't want to get high.

Whatever.

What is up with your passive

disinterest in everything?

Seriously, what happened

at Wesleyan

that did this to you?

Maxine, maybe we should go.

Oh, shut up, Tibet.

No one cares what

you have to say.

You have the sex appeal

of a ferret.

I'm in here.

It's Maxine.

Go away.

The door was unlocked.

I don't know how you could

try to replace me

with that fetus.

I'm not trying to replace you.

I hate Jon.

I know.

Take a cab home.

You're gonna be okay.

All right, okay,

everybody please come sit.

I have a film.

Everybody stop playing

and come watch the movie.

Alright, so this is one

of the first films

that was ever made

for audi--

It's not appropriate

for our age.

Why do you have to be like that?

What are you looking at?

Kujo, Groucho, why are you

not sitting here?

I'm screening a film.

We're watching a movie.

Yes!

No, I want you right here.

What happened?

Okay...

Do we gotta clean all that up?

There's too much.

Hey, guys.

Leave it.

Just leave it.

New plan.

I say forget the stop motion.

What movie

do you guys want to make?

I want to make a movie

about farts.

Alright, great.

Let's do it.

Farts.

Zombies!

Zombies?

Awesome.

Boogers!

What else have we got?

It's a good start.

What else do we have here?

I want boogers in my movie.

Boogers.

There we go.

Butts.

Butts.

You guys are in the zone.

Keep it flowing.

Naked ninjas!

I'm not a zombie.

I'm just a boy.

But you're making

the zombie mask.

It doesn't matter

if it's your character.

You're just making it up.

Can it have more eyes than two?

Yes.

Zombies have as many eyes

as you want them to have.

Welcome to the "Brooklyn Kidz

Moovie Maker,

final screening."

First we screen

the advanced class,

and the non-advanced class.

Thank you for coming.

I wrote that speech.

I love farting.

I can't fart.

Oh, you guys.

They're beautiful.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

You guys are the best.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Shirin.

Hi, Ken.

So, that was...

Disgusting.

I'm so sorry.

Actually, I thought

it was hilarious.

Seriously?

Yeah.

I was crackin' up.

Thank you so much

for saying that.

Yeah.

Let's face it, farts are funny.

I agree.

Farts are funny.

Thank you.

Have you seen Carrington?

Hey, what are you doing here?

Hiding.

I'm sorry I've been

such a dick about Layli.

Aw, come on, forget it.

Come on, let's go inside.

My old roommate Maxine and I

were in a relationship.

Ah, so you're a lesbian.

I was pretty into

all the guys I was with,

so I think I'm bisexual.

And that's a thing?

I'm afraid so.

All right.

How do you think mom and dad

are gonna take it?

Oh, you're not gonna

tell them now that it's over.

Seems like a pretty big thing

to not be honest about.

Fine.

Just uh, wait until after

the wedding, alright?

You are such a dick.

Well, at least I'm not

a sexually confused narcissist.

Can we please go inside?

Hey, can I be your best man?

No, absolutely not.

I ate before I came.

Ow, f***!

Ow! Sh*t.

I'm sorry I ruined your scarf.

Mom, I'm a little bit gay.

Yes, I am.

And I was in love with Maxine.

Shh.

Shirin, are you okay?

I'm okay.

Stop breathing so loud.

Okay.

Has your mom mentioned it?

No.

Maybe she didn't

understand what you meant.

No, she knows for sure

what's up.

I'm gonna bring it

up in about a month.

I'm proud of you.

Thanks.

There's a party

at the loft on Saturday.

You should bring that

waiter, Brendan.

Um, I would, but I kinda

want to see if Jacques

and Felicia try to seduce me.

It's never gonna happen.

I don't know why you think

they're swingers.

I just get that vibe.

You should invite

that gay lawyer.

Did you guys touch tongues?

No, we didn't,

and it actually hurt

my feelings.

No, you know, there are

people in this world

who go on first dates

that are perfectly great,

and then they wait a while

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