Appropriate Behavior Page #5

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can feel more confident.

Yeah, 'cause they get to go home

with a drink and a show.

Yeah.

Okay.

Are you horrified?

Is this like the most

embarrassing thing

you've ever witnessed?

I don't embarrass easily.

I like that.

It's getting late.

Yeah.

Do you want to see my place?

I live with this woman

who may or may not

be practicing witchcraft.

I'd love to introduce you.

Can I take a rain check?

Yeah, sure, of course.

Um... get the check, please?

This is on me, literally

and metaphorically.

No, don't worry about it.

No, I said I got it.

I got--

I got this one.

Thank you.

No, I've--

Look, I got it.

I said I got it.

I'm not taking this back.

I invited you out.

Okay.

What train you taking home?

Actually, I'm gonna stay

and use the bathroom.

You should just go.

No, I'll wait.

No, it's okay.

Just go.

You are stubborn.

Yeah.

Thanks for coming out with me.

Well, thank you for asking me.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

Hi.

Um, can I have the cheapest red

you've got?

Thank you.

Can I ask what you're having?

The cheapest red they had.

How is it?

Alcoholic.

With an oaky finish.

Sounds good.

Sorry, I'm not well-versed

in wine talk.

"Oaky finish" was a nice touch.

Thanks.

I'm Ted.

Shirin.

Shirin. Hi.

Hi.

Um, do you live around here?

Hi.

Oh, hey, who's your friend?

This is Shirin.

Shirin, I'm Marie.

Hi.

Yeah, we uh, live a few blocks

from here, actually.

Mm-hm.

Cool.

Hey, do you want to come

sit with us?

Okay.

I'm like one bad romantic

encounter away

from moving to France

and changing my identity.

Hmm.

Do you want an olive?

No, I'm okay.

But maybe I should go to, like,

a less glamorous place, like

Slovenia or something,

where my chances of popularity

would be greater.

Hmm.

They're really good.

I'm okay.

Would you like some wine?

Yeah.

Why are you giggling?

I'm just--

I've been plotting on how

to get you eat

one of these olives,

because they're

covered in garlic,

and we've already had some.

Oh.

I guess it's sort of an all

or nothing kind of thing.

Problem solved.

You should show her

your latex outfit.

You have a latex outfit?

Yeah. Yeah, I have to

oil up to put it on.

Wow.

Yeah, please put that on.

Oh.

Thanks.

Drink?

Yeah.

Um, so in what situation does

a person find themselves

in need of latex outfit?

Burlesque shows, play parties,

all kinds of places, really.

Ah.

Um, okay, but--

But here's my question.

Why do the women

have to dress up

like slutty cupcakes?

What about the dudes?

Well, I have

a latex outfit, too.

That's sounds horrible.

Oh, it's really cute.

I'll have to take

your word on that one.

Thanks.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, I-- I just got

a little in my head

for a minute.

No, it's-- it's okay.

It's okay.

So this is my first time

doing this.

Well, we can take it slow.

Thank you.

I like you.

A lot.

Thank you.

I like you, too.

You know what?

We don't have to f***.

You know, we can just hang out,

play monopoly or something.

That actually sounds

like a lot of fun.

Great.

I have the clue version.

Oh.

Yeah.

That's really cool.

Yeah.

It's awesome.

Honey.

You two can stay as you are.

Um, I should get dressed.

No, don't.

It's okay.

Um, I sh-- I should go.

No, no.

Ted, Ted, tell her to stay.

Thanks.

I really don't want this

to be the last time

that we see each other.

Me, neither.

How come no one said

you had to come dressed

as one of your

favorite characters from

"The Little Rascals"?

That's the great thing

about pride.

People here look like they

didn't go to college.

Your attitude is really

pissing me off.

Sorry.

Did you see the drag queen?

That's my friend.

How come the only aspect

of gay culture

that's okay with you is drag?

Hey, what am I good at?

I don't know, what?

Drinking and dancing, remember?

Let's have fun.

Fine.

Kiss me.

Two vodka red bulls, please.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Aah.

Can I get another one?

You havin' fun?

Sure.

Look, before you ask, no,

I'm not an f to m transsexual.

Uh, sorry to disappoint.

What are you doing here?

My sister and I made a bet.

I'm guessing she won?

Ah... correct.

I'm Maxine.

George.

Nice to meet you.

I can see you.

Shirin, stop.

F*** you.

I'm sorry.

I don't know what happened.

What the f***?

He's a man.

It was like kissing a baby.

What?

It's just like lips touching.

I hate you so much

when you're drinking.

I'm so--

Do not touch me.

Whoa.

Are you okay?

You shoved me off,

like, really violently.

You cheated on me.

You hit me.

I feel sick.

Please don't cry.

Don't.

I'm sorry.

You have to forgive me.

Who is he?

Just some guy at the bar.

We were just drinking.

And you were like,

"want to kiss a lesbian?"

It only lasted a second.

I was watching you.

It was forever.

Hey.

I am sorry.

You have to forgive me.

Who spends $300

on a garter belt?

May I help you?

Uh, we're just looking.

Actually, yes.

Um, I'm looking for

the grown-up underwear

of a woman in charge

of her sexuality

and not afraid of change.

I've got that.

This just came in from France.

It's a bit pink.

Well, why don't you

try it on for yourself?

Let me know what you need,

and I'll get a room ready

for you.

I actually need to stock up

on panties.

My ex-girlfriend

uh, cut up most of mine,

so I'm gonna need more.

What about bras?

I don't wear those.

Why not?

Just don't have that much

to work with,

so it feels a little silly.

You know, like when

little girls carry purses.

What's your name?

Shirin.

Shirin.

You are a woman,

and you have breasts,

and there's nothing wrong

with them.

Yeah, I know.

You deserve a sexy,

supportive bra,

just like any other woman.

Okay.

You were with a woman

for how long,

and she didn't help you

find the right bra?

A while.

Well, it sounds like your ex--

What's her name?

Maxine.

Sounds like Maxine was

destructive to your panties

and your self-esteem.

I'm so sorry.

Is this really necessary?

I'm fine.

I ju-- I just need underwear.

Just because your breasts

are small

doesn't mean

they're not legitimate.

I know.

It's okay to be angry.

Oh, my God.

Let's try that on.

You know, it's like I didn't

think I deserved a bra,

because I don't see myself

as a real woman.

It's about more than

just fabric.

Yeah, and I've been wearing

bikini bottoms for months.

Well, that's basically

inviting people

who don't respect you

into your bedroom.

That's exactly what I did,

and now I'm like seeing her

at a party on Saturday,

and how do I expect anyone

to take me seriously

if I am not wearing a bra?

I take you seriously.

That doesn't count.

Stunning.

God, I hate your friends.

My friends are my family.

You don't know what that's like,

to have to choose your own

family because the one

you were born into--

Oh, come on, enough of this

lesbian orphan propaganda.

You know, we're all born

into sh*t families.

We deal with it.

What is your problem?

My problem is I haven't been

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