Appropriate Behavior Page #4

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This is serious.

You're right, it's very serious,

and I cannot believe

that lifetime has not made

the movie version

of the time some dude

felt you up at the movies.

You're such a jerk.

You love it.

Shirin.

Yeah?

We're the same kind

of stoned person.

That is so beautiful.

No homo.

What do you mean, "no homo"?

Oh, you don't know

what "no homo" is?

Okay, so "no homo" is this thing

that rappers say to each other

to, like, nullify

the gayness of their words.

They could be like,

"those are some really fly

jeans, man. No homo."

Or "your song touched me.

No homo."

Like "I like the way

your dick tastes in my mouth.

No homo."

Exactly.

I feel really lucky

to have met you.

No homo?

Homo.

I love how none

of your white shirts

get those really

annoying pit stains

that mine always do.

I love that you noticed that.

I have something on my mind,

but it feels too scary

to say out loud.

Say it.

Do you have anything

on your mind?

Maybe.

What?

Don't be a p*ssy.

Okay, let's say it

at the same time

on the count of three.

One...

Two...

Two...

I'm falling in love with you.

I'm thinking of

transitioning into a man.

Of course I'm falling

in love with you.

Hi, everyone.

I'd like to welcome you all

to "with justice for some,"

where we look at

the criminal justice system

and its bias against

the queer community.

Now if any of you are here

for the dyke knitting circle,

it's been moved to Babeland

on Rivington.

Um, we have some copies

of the case study

to go around, so please take one

if you don't have it already.

What are you doing here?

Oh, hey.

You're not the only one

who cares about gay rights.

This is my event.

I marked it on the calendar.

Hey, guys,

let's hold the side talk

until after the discussion.

Sorry.

Why don't we start by

introducing ourselves, hmm?

I am Sasha, and I am

a law Professor at NYU.

Hi, I'm Morgan.

I'm an intern at queer aid.

Maxine.

What?

Is that shirt new?

Yes.

It looks really good on you.

I'm Joseph Henderson,

and I'm extremely

disappointed with the reading

material you've provided.

Absolutely no reference

to crime against nature laws.

It's weird seeing you in

something I don't remember.

True, um, this reading

doesn't refer to--

I was arrested at 18

for having consensual sex

with my 16-year-old boyfriend.

I spent four years in jail,

and afterwards forced to

register is a sex offender.

What are you doing later?

Going home.

Remember when that

was my home, too?

Please don't do this.

I'm a sex offender.

Every town I move to,

every job I apply for--

My life is ruined.

Have a drink with me later?

No.

I just want to talk.

No!

...And I thought

we were going to be

talking about marginalized

women here today.

Yes.

My name is Shirin.

I am an Iranian

bisexual teacher,

and I would like to take

you out for a drink.

N-- Now?

Right after this.

I would like to buy you a drink.

Um...

Each frame is a picture.

That's what you

call it, a frame.

And, uh, when you want

to have the candy move,

you're gonna take a picture

of it where it is,

move it very, very slightly,

and then to the next place,

and then you take a picture

and you have it there,

and then move it

a little bit--

He took it!

Do not eat those.

Those are for

the stop-motion animation.

Just one.

You just shoved like 40

into your mouth at once.

I get 40, too.

Me, too!

I need to go to the bathroom.

Me, too!

Are you old enough to go

on your own?

I don't know.

All right, wait here.

All right, first shot

of the day.

We have the flocks of birds

swarm into frame,

evil-looking ravens and gulls.

How's that looking,

art department?

Excellent.

And sound?

Is everything set?

Hi.

Sorry to interrupt.

Not a problem.

We were just prepping

for today's shoot.

Gracie, would you mind, uh,

briefing our guest

on today's project?

We're doing

a shot-for-shot remake

of a scene from

"The Birds."

I'm Shirin.

I teach across the hall.

Hi, I'm Tibet.

This is the advanced class.

I have a real quick

question for you.

Yes?

So, yeah, my kids

are real young,

like five years old,

and one of them needs

to use the bathroom.

Yes?

Well, do I have to go in

with him, or is that pervy?

Are you serious?

Yes.

Just stand behind the door

and ask if he needs help.

Oh.

Okay, thanks.

Not a problem, my friend.

Have we met before?

I don't think so.

I used to be a hair model,

so you might recognize me

from that.

Yeah, that's probably it.

Thank you.

All right, second shot

of the day.

We have, "she is trapped

in the phone booth

and the birds are

flying in to attack her."

Hair and makeup for that,

how are you doing?

Thank you so much for coming

all the way out to Brooklyn.

It is so nice that you finally

got to see the place.

Well, the rug looks

quite nice in here.

Thank you.

Why is there only one bed?

It's European and thrifty.

There's a lot of benefits.

And how--

How's that European?

I have an Italian friend

named Cecilia,

and she her best friend, uh,

shared one bed for years,

and they saved

so much money on rent

that they were able to afford

very big weddings

to their boyfriends.

Do you have a boyfriend, Maxine?

No, I don't.

Also, in the movie "Beaches,"

these two best friends

shared a bed,

and it was very inexpensive.

So, thank you

so much for coming.

Nice to see you both again.

Well, bye, girls.

Bye.

Let me walk you out.

Oh, my God.

You...

You're an angel.

You have to tell them about us.

I know.

Yes?

Hi.

Hey.

Crystal, did you see my parents?

Oh, yeah, we just

passed in the hall.

Hey, Maxine.

Hi.

Mmm, don't mind her.

She's upset 'cause

I'm not out to my parents.

Oh, well, you guys live

in a one-bedroom apartment.

I'm pretty sure they know.

Don't ask, don't tell.

You know what?

It's a process,

and I'm working on it.

Okay, we should probably leave.

Think I'm gonna bow out.

Maxine, you promised you'd go.

Crystal's a friend

who's gonna dress up

like a farm animal

and touch herself, come.

I can't handle

an art show right now.

Okay.

I love you.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye, Maxine.

Bye.

Thank you so much for

accepting my invitation.

Well, I couldn't have refused

even if I wanted to.

All those people.

You're right.

I will invite them all

to our wedding.

Um, what are you drinking?

It's kind of like

an old fashioned.

Want to try it?

Yeah.

You know, I can um,

tie a cherry stem

into a knot with my tongue.

Real--

Um...

Yeah, that's a good look.

Thank you.

I feel very sexy.

I'm surprised by how

quickly they sprung into action.

It's almost as if

they expected me

to make a huge mess.

Oh, it sounds like you have

a conspiracy on your hands.

Yes, I do.

This is not a case of me

being a clumsy oaf.

I am a victim of a larger force.

The bar and alcohol industry.

Yes.

Out to get you.

Yes, 'cause they need a girl

like me to, you know,

humiliate herself, so that

the other patrons

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