Are We There Yet? Page #2

Hold on to your earrings there,

Yao Bling...

...because I'm gonna embarrass you.

And it's gonna hurt because I love you.

- Give me that.

- Hey, that's a foul.

- Come on, man, you hit my hand.

- No, I didn't.

Right here, baby. Right here.

Game time.

Yeah, baby. Yeah.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Get off of me, Lurch.

That was a moving pick.

Let's run it again. Same teams.

Come on.

No. I gotta go, y'all.

What? We're tied.

Somebody has to lose.

- It's the American way.

- Hey, somebody did lose.

- You know I gotta go do that thing.

- What thing? What?

You know, I gotta take Suzanne

to the airport in the morning.

Take Suzanne to the airport

in the morning.

- You are stuck in the friend zone.

- Get out of here.

Listen to me. We've been friends

a very long time...

...and I am telling you,

you gotta dump this girl.

- What? We not even going out.

- That's the point, Nick.

Whatever it is you don't have

going on, it has got to end.

Okay, for all those who listen

to this clown...

...Nick Persons will never be

in the friend zone.

- Understand that and believe that.

- Friend zone. Friend zone.

- Don't say I didn't warn you.

- Friend zone.

- Here you go.

- Oh, Nick, thank you so much.

You are such a great friend.

The friend zone is for losers only.

Please unload your friend

and get on with your life.

- Well, wish me luck.

- Good luck.

Thanks for everything, Nick.

Suzanne, can I talk to you

real quick?

Sure.

You know, what we got going... I mean,

we don't really have something...

I don't really know what to call this...

- Hang on.

... but it seems kind of...

This is Suzanne.

Yes, Frank.

Just one sec.

Well, when did that happen?

Well, actually,

I'm already at the airport.

- Hey. You can't park here.

- I know.

My friend's making a call.

She'll be off in a second.

- Gonna be an expensive call.

- I'm right here.

That's why you're getting a ticket.

They're expecting to spend

New Year's Eve with you.

Oh, don't... Don't even go there

with me, Frank.

You haven't spent five minutes

with your kids since Labor Day.

Frank, you know what?

I am so sick of this.

L... Hello? Hello?

Know what?

That lady's got enough problems.

All right, let's move it along.

- I'm not going.

- What's the matter?

My ex is sick, and he's not

gonna pick up the kids.

- What about the babysitter?

- She's leaving for Las Vegas...

...with her church group.

- Oh, no.

You know,

my kids miss him so much...

...and all he ever does is pull the rug

out right from under them.

I'm gonna lose my job.

What if I bring them?

I couldn't ask you to do that.

That's too much.

Why not?

Look, it's no big deal. Serious.

- Really?

- Positive.

- Are you sure?

- I wanna help you on this.

Nick, this is huge.

Thank you so much.

You are a lifesaver.

Okay, so I'll get the three tickets, and

as soon as you guys land, call me.

Oh, no, I meant that I'll drop them off

at the airport.

Oh, no. You can't expect the kids

to travel alone, Nick.

Kevin's got asthma. That recycled air

in the plane... I mean, yuck.

But it'd be fine. Kids fly all the time.

It's nothing.

I'll make sure they get on the plane.

They'll get milk and cookies, little

plastic wings, get to meet the pilot.

You know, it'd be real cool.

Especially with me sitting next to them

making sure everything is all right.

Oh, how could I ever repay you?

Obviously, you don't care

that she's using you.

But ask yourself this:

Would you trust a woman

who'd trust you with her kids?

I'm tempted to call Child Services

right now.

Uncle Nick loves kids.

Big lummox.

Might as well just put myself on eBay.

Hello. I'm here to pick up the kids.

Now, that's what I'm talking about.

What you wasting your time

with Miss Suzanne for?

- Excuse me?

- You come with me.

Miss Mable will take you

on a guided tour to Sin City.

Oh, God. Excuse me.

Hello? Somebody?

Who wants to go to Vancouver?

Mom says that we should be polite.

Now, kids, I know you're disappointed

about your father...

...but you're going to have fun.

Aren't you?

- Yes, Miss Mable.

- Yes, Miss Mable.

Hey, did you bring us a gift?

Yeah, Mom's man friends

always bring us presents.

Oh, of course.

What kind of guy you think I am?

Uncle Nick loves kids.

As a matter of fact...

Look, look, look.

Dr. Munchies pizza coupon.

You get a free liter of soda with any

purchase of a large pepperoni.

- What's a liter?

- Oh, yeah, and for you...

- Look at that. Corkscrew.

- Cool.

- Hey, it's got a knife.

- You can't give him that.

- Shut up.

- Make me.

I don't make trash. I bury it.

- Well, I'll bury my foot in your...

- Say it. You're too scared to say it.

Be quiet, you paranoid dunce.

- Chicken.

- Stop it. Stop it.

Hey, wanna learn some Chinese?

Sure. What you got?

Sensei says,

"The first one is always a decoy. "

Shotgun!

That's my seat. You stop.

They gonna eat you alive.

- You're too ugly to sit in the front seat.

- That's my seat.

Hey! Watch the paint.

Okay, now, once we get

in this terminal...

...I want everybody

sticking together.

Now, be careful opening that door.

Man! What did...?

- Sorry, Nick.

- Oh, damn!

- Boy, didn't you hear what I just said?

- You swore.

You damn right I swore. That's about

$400 worth of damage to my new car.

That's twice. Now you have to put

$2 in the swear jar.

Yeah, well, he gotta put about $400

in my pocket.

- You got $400 for me?

- No.

And I want it cash.

Okay, man, no tears, all right?

I won't change diapers

out here.

Real good. Have you ever thought

of being a youth pastor or a therapist?

Look, it ain't like I said I was gonna

take off my belt.

He's gonna beat me, Lindsey!

Save me!

- Hey. Hey, man.

- Don't touch me!

- Little dude. Kevin. Come here.

- Get away!

Is there a problem here, sir?

Just a little game I'm playing

with the kids.

Boy, bring your butt back here!

Kevin. Boy. Look.

Yo, yo, yo. Hey, hey.

Look, look.

Look, I got money. Check it out.

Will that shut you up, huh?

Here you go. Ten bucks. Come on.

Yeah. That's right.

Hey, you can't buy us off.

Apologize.

No, no. We're cool.

Yeah. We cool, little mama.

Plus, there's enough to go around.

Got a ten-spot for you too.

I do believe I'm older than him.

I can't believe I'm getting hustled

by a couple of gangsters. Here.

Now, hurry up. We can't be late.

When we go through, they can see

our bones and innards?

- No, fool, that's an x-ray.

- Wrong answer.

It's a metal detector.

Oh, to see if you have

any bombs?

You're not allowed to say

"bombs" here.

- Why can't you say "bomb"?

- Please remove all metal objects.

Keys, loose change,

cell phones, jewelry.

Okay. Just might take a minute.

I hope you left Nick's little present

in the car, or else you're going to jail.

Cell phone.

Car keys.

Excuse me. Sir?

What? What?

Sir, can you step

to the red line, please?

I put everything on the tray.

Please raise your arms

and separate your legs.

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