Ari Shaffir: Double Negative Page #6

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slapping the condom off the guy?

Going, "No, that's an abomination.

You can't. No, that's an abomination.

You f*** raw dog behind this

Dumpster or don't f*** at all.

So sayeth the Lord."

It doesn't work, by the way.

Just so you know, logically.

Religion doesn't work as a reason.

You don't have to have an abortion.

But you can't point to religion

as the reason not to.

It doesn't work.

I've studied religion for a long time.

Yeah. I used to be like... One of those.

Yeah. For this side over there,

there you go.

Yeah, so I know a lot about it.

Here's the deal why it doesn't work.

There's only one way

you go straight to heaven.

Especially in Christianity.

The only way you go straight to heaven,

I mean, no purgatory, no hell,

straight to heaven,

the only way to do that is

if you die without sin.

And the only way to die without sin

is if you get aborted

before you get a chance to be born.

So...

if you love Jesus,

and you love your baby...

You should send him to heaven.

I'm just trying to spread the gospel,

you guys. That's all I'm about here today.

Thank you very much, everybody.

That's it for me.

You guys have been a phenomenal crowd.

You guys are absolutely awesome.

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