Armageddon Page #3

l was playing

with titanium depth gauges when

l should've been playing with dolls.

l mean, l learned about the birds and

the bees from Freddie Noonan's tattoos.

Look, l was raised

on roughnecks by you...

and now you get all shocked and shaken

when l fall in love with one.

- So who is the hypocrite here,

Harry, huh? Who?

- Look at those nice pipes up there.

- Listen to me, Grace. l want you--

- No, you listen to me, Harry.

l grew up.

With the proximity of the asteroid...

and no prep time,

none of our primary plans can work.

Why don't we just send up 150 nuclear

warheads and blast that rock apart?

- Terrible idea.

- Was l talkin' to you?

This is Dr Ronald Quincy from research,

pretty much the smartest man on the

planet. You might want to listen to him.

General, if you consider your target--

her composition, her dimensions...

her sheer velocity, you could fire

every nuke you've got at her...

and she'll just smile at you

and keep on coming.

You should know that the president's

scientific advisors...

are suggesting that a nuclear blast

could change this asteroid's trajectory.

l know the president's chief scientific

advisor. We were at M.l.T. together.

And in a situation like this, you--

you really don't want...

to take the advice of a man

who got a C-minus in astrophysics.

The president's advisors are,

um, wrong. l'm right.

Hitting the rock from the outside

won't do the job.

lmagine a firecracker

in the palm of your hand.

You set it off.

What happens? Burn your hand, right?

You close your fist around

the same firecracker and set it off--

Your wife's gonna be opening your

ketchup bottles the rest of your life.

Are you suggesting

we blow this thing up from the inside?

- That's exactly what l'm saying.

- How?

We drill. We bring in the world's

best deep-core driller.

Harry, get up here!

We're takin' a hit!

- Get A.J. up here! Whoa!

- Come on!

Send another pipe on down!

Right now! Full pipe!

- lt's a gas pocket.

- l told you. Am l lucky

or am l just a genius?

l shut it down for a reason, you

jackass! The relief valve's fried open.

Shut off the number two valve!

Grace, get the clients outta here now!

Chick, get 'em outta here!

Get 'em off the rig now!

Get the hell down!

This thing is gonna blow!

Get out! Chick, get out now!

Get down!

Three dozen research calls and every

time the same man is recommended.

He's worked on every terrain

this planet can offer.

Whenever they said it couldn't be

drilled, this guy drilled it.

- Everybody all right?

- We struck oil, baby!

Somebody could've got killed out here

today. You want that on your conscience?

High thumb. You are man, Harry.

Thumbs high.

You're fired.

Who's Harry Stamper?

Yeah, l'm Harry Stamper.

What's all this about?

Mr Stamper, l'm General Montgomery,

commander of the Pacific air forces.

l've been sent here

by the secretary of defence...

on direct orders from the president

of the United States.

lt's a matter of urgent

national security.

l need you to get on that chopper

right now, no questions asked.

- Crazy Willie put you up to this?

- Afraid l don't know Crazy Willie.

Sir, l'm dead serious about this.

- Harry.

- What?

Man, l swear to God,

she never told me her age.

lt's all right.

Relax. lt's about me.

Oh. Forget it.

All right, General.

l'll go with ya.

On one condition--

we have to take my daughter along.

- What did l do?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where you guys

takin' her? Wait a minute.

- Sir, stay right here.

- Well--

Chick! Get him paid,

get him off the rig!

- Mr Stamper?

- Yeah, l'm Harry Stamper.

How ya doin'? Miss Stamper.

l'm Dan Truman, executive director here.

- Now listen, on behalf of all of us,

l'd really like to apologize--

- Apologize.

l don't know if we can take

any more apologies, Mr Truman.

We've been apologized to

for the last 18 and a half hours.

So if you don't mind,

how 'bout if we just get on with it...

and you tell us why we're here

at the NASA space centre?

- We should probably talk alone.

- Mr Truman, l don't keep any secrets

from my daughter, Grace.

So whether you tell her now or

l tell her later she's gonna find out...

one way or the other,

so why don't we just get on with it?

So when the rogue comet hit the asteroid

belt, it sent shrapnel right for us.

For the next 15 days

the Earth's in a shooting gallery.

Even if the asteroid itself hits

the water, it's still hitting land.

lt'll flash-boil millions

of gallons of sea water and slam

into the ocean bedrock.

Now, if it's a Pacific Ocean impact--

which we think it will be--

it'll create a tidal wave three miles

high, travel at 1,000 miles an hour...

covering California

and washing up in Denver.

Japan's gone. Australia's wiped out.

Half the world's population'll be

incinerated by the heat blast...

and the rest'll freeze to death

from nuclear winter.

That's unbelievable.

Well, actually,

this is as real as it gets.

Well, it's coming, right now--

right for us--

at 22,000 miles an hour.

Not a soul on Earth can hide from it.

l take it you're not

alerting everyone like this.

Nobody knows.

That's the way it stays.

For the next ten days, there are

only nine telescopes in the world...

that can spot the asteroid,

and we control eight of 'em.

The president's classified

this information top secret.

lf news like this got out,

there'd be an overnight breakdown...

of basic social services worldwide--

rioting, mass religious hysteria.

Total chaos. You can imagine.

Basically the worst parts

of the Bible.

Six billion people on the planet--

why'd you guys call me?

- We need you to prep the team

we're sending up.

- Up?

We'll send 'em to the asteroid,

they'll land, they'll drill a hole,

they'll drop some nukes...

take off and detonate

if we can fix this equipment problem.

Now, the, uh, drilling unit's

a prototype we've been building

for the Mars project.

You, uh--

you might recognize the rig.

Yeah, well, l guess l should

recognize it. lt's my design.

What'd you do?

Steal a key to the patent office?

- Yeah, basically.

- Let me get this straight.

l got pulled off an oil rig,

flown halfway around the world

because you stole my drill design...

couldn't read the plans right

and did a piss-poor job

of putting it together, is that it?

- Well, technically,

patents don't apply to outer space.

- Just shut up, Quincy.

lt's not going to Mars any more.

lt's going to try to save this planet.

And we need to know

what's wrong with it pretty quick.

You said we did a bad job

of putting it together?

No, l said you did a piss-poor job

of putting it together.

First of all, you got

the flow system all reversed.

Let me guess:
you've been tearin' up

rotors and you can't figure out why.

- Yeah, that's right, actually.

- Well, that's because your cams

are all wrong, Mr Wizard.

- Who's been operating this thing?

- Right there.

W-We've actually-- we've had them

training for eight months solid now.

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