Arsenic and Old Lace Page #10

Wait a minute, Mr. Brewster.

You think my aunts are sweet,

charming old ladies, don't you?

Well, there's 13 bodies buried in the cellar!

Yes, 13.

Be careful what you say.

Your aunts are friends of ours.

-I'll show them to you.

-Don't make trouble for them!

Never mind, Mr. Brewster.

Leave him to me.

-Come down to the cellar.

-Wait a minute.

Thirteen bodies.

I'll show you where they're buried.

-Go to the cellar with him.

-Yes, come to the cellar.

Well, look, do I have to?

Maybe I don't want to go down

to the cellar.

Go on down the cellar with him!

Now, please. I'll tell you

the rest of my play later.

-Go on down the cellar with him.

-Do I have to?

Look at that puss.

He looks like Boris Karloff.

Don't! Sarge!

Look out, Pat!

-Look out!

-He's got a gun.

I got him, Pat. Look out!

Fight. Go on and fight.

That's enough, that's enough.

Everybody off.

Pat, look out!

Amazing.

Such a fine day, too.

All I did was cross the bridge

and I was in Brooklyn. Amazing.

Don't bother me now.

You could use this in the third act.

I got something better. Let me tell you--

I'll see you later.

The papers are all signed. What do I care?

Go ahead, fight.

I'd better call and see

if Witherspoon has left.

Telephone.

I'll get every one of you!

I hate cops. I'll brain the first one

that comes near me!

A little higher, brother.

Thank you very much. That's fine.

Don't do that, please.

Get him, Pat.

That won't have any effect.

I've tried it before--

It did. Isn't that amazing?

Oh, dear. Wish I could relax like that.

-Witherspoon.

-Come in.

What has occurred?

Never mind!

Didn't I tell you I'd handle this?

Well, Lieutenant!

-We were just acting in self-defense.

-What happened? He put up a fight?

This isn't the one who blows the bugle.

-This is his brother who tried to kill O'Hara.

-All I said was he looked like Boris Karloff.

Boris.... Turn him over.

Kind of think he's wanted somewhere.

You "kind of think

he's wanted somewhere"?

If you guys can't look

at the circulars we put up...

...you can at least read

short detective stories.

Certainly, he's wanted. In lndiana!

He escaped from the prison

for criminally insane. He's a lifer.

That's my brother.

That's the way they described him.

"He looked like Karloff."

Why'd you knock him out?

He tried to get us to go to the cellar.

He says 13 bodies are there.

Thirteen bodies in the cellar...

...and that don't tip you off

the guy's from a nuthouse?

Thanks, pal.

About my not ringing in, I want to--

Where have you been all night?

Don't tell me.

I was right here writing a play

with Mortimer Brewster.

You're going to have

a long time on that play.

You're suspended.

Now go on. Report in.

Bring him to and find out

where his accomplice is.

The guy who helped him escape.

He's wanted, too.

Here.

I've been after these guys for 48 hours.

Nothing to eat. No sleep.

No wonder Brooklyn's in the shape it's in.

With flatheads like you on the force.

Falling for a story like that!

Thirteen bodies buried in the cellar.

But there are 13 bodies in the cellar!

-Who are you?

-I'm President Roosevelt.

-What the blazes is this?

-He's the one that blows the bugle.

Howdy, Colonel.

Colonel, you've blown your last bugle.

Get this guy out of here.

Dear me! Another yellow-fever victim?

All the bodies in the cellar

are yellow-fever victims.

No, Colonel. This is a spy.

We caught him at the White House.

Take him out and bring him to.

I want to question him.

-Questioning of spies is my department.

-Hey, you, keep out of that.

You're forgetting that as President

I am also head of the Secret Service.

Who are you?

What's your name?

Usually, I'm Mortimer Brewster.

But I'm not myself today.

You're his brother. Look, no argument.

He's got to be put away.

No arguments, Captain. No arguments.

Just a minute, take it easy. Read this.

Teddy's going to go to Happy Dale tonight.

-I'm waiting for Mr. Witherspoon.

-As long as he's going someplace.

He's scaring the neighbors with that bugle.

And that cockeyed story

about 13 bodies being--

I've been without sleep for 48 hours.

I'm liable to think anything.

I know just how you feel.

There's people dumb enough

to believe that.

Last year there was a crazy guy,

started a murder rumor.

I had to dig up a half acre plot

before I could prove--

-What's this?

-What's the matter?

-These papers aren't any good.

-Why not?

He signed it Theodore Roosevelt!

-Is your taxi engaged?

-Losing dough every minute. Any offers?

I'm Mr. Witherspoon of Happy Dale

Sanitarium, I have come to get a Brewster.

I would like you to drive us back

to the sanitarium.

I knew this would end up in a nuthouse!

We like to think of it as a rest home.

Mr. Brewster?

Mr. Witherspoon is here.

Supposing the spy steals this document

and finds the name Roosevelt on it.

Think what that would mean

to the safety of the nation!

-No, it's chicanery.

-What is this? Come on!

-He's come to. He's ready to talk.

-Hold him till I get there.

Let me explain. The name Brewster

is code for Roosevelt.

-Code for Roosevelt?

-Take the name Brewster.

Take away the "B" and what have you got?

-Rooster.

-And what does a rooster do?

-Crows.

-It crows! Where do you hunt in Africa?

-On the veldt!

-There you are! "Crowsveldt."

Ingenious! My compliments

to the boys in the code department.

That's all right! Do that again for me.

Never mind! Give me that pen.

This is fun.

Now, all I got to get is Witherspoon.

I'm so glad to see you.

You will take good care of Teddy?

-Best of care of him.

-That's fine.

And no wagon when he leaves.

Why? To take him away? Never, never.

Taxicabs. We always....

I have one waiting now.

It means a great deal to me.

You will personally see

that Teddy's happy at Happy Dale?

-He'll be very happy at Happy Dale.

-That's good.

You know, I sometimes envy

some of our patients, secretly.

You do? It must be a nice place.

I've never been there.

You never can tell.

This is a particularly happy moment

for me tonight.

-I've never met a dramatic critic before.

-The woods are full of them.

I have here something that will explain

what we're trying to do.

-A pamphlet about Happy Dale?

-No, it's a play.

Something I've been working on.

It's a dramatization of many incidents

that have happened at Happy Dale.

Captain! Captain!

I want you to read this carefully.

I want you to be just as harsh as you like.

I shan't mind, you know--

Captain, this is Mr. Witherspoon.

He'll be very happy at Happy Dale.

-Come, my boy.

-What is this?

No, you got it wrong.

This is Captain Rooney.

The police?

I'm sure! Here are the papers, all signed.

Now you can take him away.

I'll be in my office vetoing some bills.

Mr. President, I have good news for you.

Your term of office is over.

-Is this March 4?

-Practically.

Let's see....

Now I go on my hunting trip to Africa!

Well, I must get started immediately.

Is he trying to move into the White House

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