Arsenic and Old Lace Page #7

he can walk in!

Don't you try to get out of this!

That's another one of your gentlemen!

How can you say such a thing?

That man's an impostor.

And if he came here to be buried

in our cellar, he's mistaken.

You admitted you put Mr. Hoskins

in the windowseat.

Yes, I did.

This man couldn't have got the idea

from Mr. Hoskins!

-By the way, where is Mr. Hoskins?

-He must have gone to Panama.

-What? You buried him?

-Not yet.

He's down there

waiting for the services, poor dear.

We haven't had a minute,

what with Jonathan in the house.

Oh, dear.

We've always wanted

to hold a double funeral.

But I will not read services

over a total stranger!

A total stranger. How can I believe you?

There are 12 men down there,

you admit you poisoned them!

Yes, I did. But you don't think

I'd stoop to telling a fib!

What do you think has happened?

"A fib! "

This may interest you, Mortimer.

I've decided that we're staying.

And I've also decided that you're leaving,

and I mean now.

Listen, handsome. I'm in no mood

to debate the question.

Are you getting out,

or am I throwing you out on your ear?

I've led a strange life.

Martha, you come straight along here.

You just look and see

what's in that windowseat.

No. Don't....

Let Aunt Martha see

what's in the windowseat.

Aunt Abby, darling, I owe you an apology.

I've got some very good news for you.

Jonathan is leaving.

And he's taking Dr. Einstein

and that cold companion with him.

Listen. You're my brother,

you're a Brewster.

I'll give you a chance to get away

and take the evidence with you.

You can't ask for more than that.

Well?

All right, in that case,

I'll have to call the police.

Don't reach for the telephone.

Remember, what happened

to Mr. Spenalzo can happen to you, too.

Spenalzo?

I knew he was a foreigner.

Put down that telephone.

Officer O'Hara!

I saw the lights and thought

you might have sickness....

You got company? Sorry I disturbed you.

-No! Come in.

-Yes, do come in.

Come right in, Officer.

This is our nephew, Mortimer.

-Pleased to meet you.

-Glad to see you.

-And this is another nephew, Jonathan.

-Pleased to make your acquaintance.

Your face is familiar.

Haven't I seen a picture of you?

I don't think so.

-I'll be running along.

-Why? Stay until my brother leaves.

I got to ring in, Mr.--

Are you "the" Mortimer Brewster,

the writer and dramatic critic?

Yes, why?

What a break for me! I'm a playwright.

I'm working on a play now.

You are? Well, well, well!

-Maybe I can help you with it.

-Would you? What a break!

I get wonderful ideas,

but I can't spell them.

I can spell like the dickens.

Constantinople?

Let's go into the kitchen.

You can tell me all about it.

Couldn't you whip up a sandwich?

I hope you don't mind

eating in the kitchen, Officer O'Hara.

And where else would you eat?

See you in a moment.

This is your last chance.

I'll keep O'Hara busy

to give you a chance to get out.

All three of you:

you, Dr. Einstein and Spenalzo.

If you don't leave here, I'll introduce

Officer O'Hara to Mr. Spenalzo.

My play takes place in--

I'll be right with you, O'Hara.

Right with you.

Just give me one moment.

Now get going! All three of you.

This affair between my brother and myself

has got to be settled.

But we've got trouble enough as it is.

Come, let's go.

We're not going.

We're sleeping right here in this house.

What? With a cop in the kitchen

and Spenalzo in the windowseat?

That's all he's got on us. We'll take

Spenalzo and dump him in the bay.

After that, we're coming back here.

Then if he tries to interfere--

No, no, Johnny. No, please.

We've got a wonderful setup here.

We can make a fortune.

Two old ladies as a front.

Only Mortimer stands in our way.

I never did like Mortimer.

Please, take it easy. Please!

Doctor, you know

when I make up my mind--

When you make up your mind,

you lose your head.

Look, Brooklyn ain't a good setup for you.

Okay, Johnny. Okay!

Take the instruments and hide them

in the cellar. Move fast.

-You don't know what goes on in Brooklyn.

-I don't know.

-My mother was an actress.

-Legitimate?

Of course. She was my mother.

-Excuse me.

-Peaches La Tour was her name.

-Come quick!

-What's the matter?

-You know that hole in the cellar?

-Yes.

Well, we got an ace in the hole.

It's no fly-by-night idea.

I worked on it for 12 years.

Well, rehash it. I'll be back in a minute.

-Swell.

-I like the first act.

I didn't tell you the first--

I thought I told you....

Yes, Mortimer.

What are you doing still here?

I thought I said beat it.

We're not going.

-You're not going?

-No.

You stay out of this.

All right, you asked for it.

-Officer O'Hara?

-Coming.

If you tell O'Hara

what's in the windowseat...

...l'll tell him what's in the cellar.

Cellar?

There's an elderly gentleman down there

who seems to be very dead.

-What were you doing there?

-What's he doing there?

Now what are you going to tell O'Hara?

Your aunts want to hear the rest.

Shall I bring them in here?

You can't do that now.

You'd better ring in.

The heck with ringing in!

I want to tell you the plot.

You can't tell me

in front of those two fellas.

Lowbrows, huh?

Let's go where we can be alone.

I'll meet you there later.

How about the backroom at Kelly's?

Fine place. Bohemian atmosphere.

Genius at work.

You ring in and I'll meet you at Kelly's.

Why don't you both go down in the cellar?

That's all right with me.

There's a much more literary atmosphere

in Kelly's, I assure you.

This opening will kill you.

I'm waiting to be born and the doctor--

The doctor!

Look, you ring in and I'll see you later.

You won't stand me up, will you?

This is a great play.

-I'll see you down there.

-Can't wait!

Doctor, doctor.

Where are those papers? There they are.

You're smug, aren't you? You think

you've got it over me. You haven't.

You think I'm afraid to tell about Spenalzo

because of Hoskins. Well, I'm not!

The moment I get Spenalzo....

The moment the doctor signs,

I don't care who knows about Hoskins.

And you better feel the same way

about Spenalzo. Yes, Spenalzo!

-Where are you going?

-To the doctor's. Where do you....

When I come back,

I expect to find you gone. Wait for me!

We'll wait for him.

Did he look guilty!

Well, Martha,

I think we can start the services now.

We thought we heard you leave.

Perish the thought, dear aunties.

That was just Mortimer.

And speaking of services...

...will you make us some coffee

while we take Spenalzo down to the cellar?

No, Jonathan.

You've got to take him with you!

There's a friend of Mortimer's downstairs

waiting for him.

-A friend of Mortimer's?

-Take his feet, Doctor.

Mr. Spenalzo and he

will get along fine together.

They're both dead.

He must mean Mr. Hoskins.

Mr. Hoskins?

You know about what's down there?

Of course we do.

And he's no friend of Mortimer's.

-He's one of our gentlemen.

-Your gentlemen?

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