Arthur Christmas Page #4

...a small trauma to your giftwrap...

...but l can fix it.

-A stowaway!

-l can wrap anything...

...sir, with three bits of sticky tape.

Three!

Good. Wrap yourself a parachute.

Grandsanta!

Toronto. Present and correct.

Not quite, sir. You've lost

one of the reindeer.

Hello?

-What elf?

-Bryony Shelfley, sir.

The crazy wrapping elf, you know?

Security tracked her to Sector 1 9.

And we think Arthur was here.

Arthur?

Who else leaves the door open,

huh, sir?

The old sleigh barn?

That was sealed up...

...decades ago...

...after that terrible night

Grandsanta sneaked out and....

Thank goodness he's too old these days

to get into trouble.

Bash it with a brick, Arthur. Go on.

lt just won't--

Grab its antlers and tug.

l may just be a wrapping operative,

sir, but this contravenes....

-Seventeen.

-Specific mission regulations.

l'm in charge here,

not Billy the Bureaucrat.

lt's stuck.

Eighteen.

-Elf, wrap your head.

-Sir!

Come on, lad. You're as much use...

...as a cheese chopstick.

Got it!

Oh, no.

Oh, my big Aunt Betty.

lt'll have to do. Pass it down.

What?

Permission to breathe, sir. l have about

nine seconds left before l black out.

One breath.

Sir?

l said one. Hurry up, Arthur.

But don't we need a whole one?

You know...

...to balance the sleigh?

Oh, it won't balance the sleigh. No, no.

lf anything, it'll slow us down.

So why are we taking it?

lt's for Gwen. Eight beautiful reindeer.

That's what she's dreaming of.

The jingly bells, the sleigh on the roof.

-Yeah, but--

-That's what the kids want...

...not some spaceship.

We're giving her the star treatment.

What now?

We have a waker, sir.

With a gun!

That's it, lad.

You distract him!

-Grandsanta!

-Who's there?

We come in peace.

Our craft has to...

...travel around the world

in less than an hour!

We need a sign for our slei--

Craft.

Sorry l can't pay you. Where l...

...come from, we don't have...

...money!

Christmas 1 923...

...had a heart attack at the reins.

Left ventricle popped out me mouth.

Pushed it back down and carried on!

lt's big, isn't it, the Atlantic?

Think we should stop and ask someone?

Pishywibble, we're nearly there!

See, l take the North Star there...

...as a fixed point.

Then l plot my bearings from....

That's a plane, sir.

lnsubordination.

l'll have you harpooned, elf.

l thought it would be chillier

near England.

Globular warming.

Land ahoy! There it is. Told you!

-There you are. Down.

-Watch that rock!

There you go.

England.

Maybe we pulled to the right a bit.

We're a reindeer short.

France.

They have elephants in France?

The odd stray. They breed in the drains.

This way.

Paris Zoo.

Then this is...

...where they keep the lions!

They won't eat me.

l'm Santa!

Lie down!

Oh, right.

Call the keeper!

How old is this?

"Atlantis"?

"Here be cannibals"?

Watch out for cannibals.

This isn't France, is it?

Technically, it's known as Africa.

Serengeti National Park, Tanzania.

How can you possibly be sure?

The GPS on my HOHO.

Take her!

Take the elf!

GPS? Why didn't you say?

l'm a wrapping elf. l don't navigate,

l wrap. l use it to store pictures of bows.

She's right. You brought us to Africa!

l've seen it on a stamp.

l'm too young to die, Arthur.

Do something. Arthur!

The old sleigh.

What is happening here?

Was supposed to be chopped up

for firewood decades ago.

-How did that devious--?

-Old people, sir.

Shall l get you your stress ball?

We have finer...

...comms than the Pentagon,

and you say...

...we can't contact him

except by some ancient--

Here comes the cavalry!

Ernie Clicker, sir.

Head of Polar Communications

for 46 missions!

Oh, crikey blikey...

...me and your granddad

saw some times!

-l remember once--

-Wow, must catch up soon. Now....

Oh, you're in a hurry. l can tell.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

Could we hurry this?

You can't rush the Signalator.

Got to play her gentle.

So, what do you wish to say?

l wouldn't worry. lt's not like

they're facing man-eating lions.

Silent night

Holy night

All is calm

All is

Bright

l realize

This is mental

But it's all

That l know

lt's Christmas

Nice kitty

So please let us go

Sleep in

Heavenly peace

Sleep in

Heavenly peace

Dash!

Something's coming through.

What does it say?

Get off! No!

That's me Evie, you mangy moron!

No!

That's Gwen's gift!

Only children get to tear the wrapping.

Bryony?

-Automatic tape guns!

-Down, doggy!

Bad doggy!

Laser-guided scissors!

Oh, no, no!

Standard-issue giftwrap!

No time for a bow!

There's always time for a bow!

l can't look.

Not that knob!

Good night!

Oh, no!

Something else!

No, leave it! Don't--

My camera!

Wait! Look!

Oi!

What's so funny?

Look what they've done to my Evie.

-And the map.

-But it's okay.

We've got this. Look!

Mimosa Avenue, Trelew.

Proceed to the highlighted route.

What's the point? Look at us.

And my camera, totally banjaxed.

How do l get my picture now?

What picture?

The sleigh on the roof,

the eight beautiful reindeer...

...and Santa-- Me!

--going down the "chimbley."

That's what l wanted them to see.

They missed the kid, but l got there.

My way.

That's why you came. Not for Gwen.

1 368 miles, then slight left.

For the love of Lulu...

...bossed about by Tinpot Tom.

Dash!

Try them again. Keep trying.

All this for one child. ln 600 million.

We should turn her off a mo.

Don't worry, sir. Children are...

...stupid. Either it won't know

it got missed...

...or it'll think it's been bad.

lt's a win-win.

You missed one?

A nipper? Cor!

What's all this here for

if you miss one?

Could you please type faster?

All right.

Systems critical.

Lead in Christmas.

Oops-a-daisy.

Peter...

...let go of my hand, please.

Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.

And get me lT.

Descend 1 000 feet.

-You are at your destination.

-Yes!

-We did it, we did it!

-We did it!

In 1 00 yards...

...turn left.

Straight ahead, left, right.

You are at your client's dwelling.

Hey, steady!

We made it. l survived!

l'll walk home, l'll get a boat,

but l am never getting back...

...in that crazy flying death trap

ever again!

Go on.

Get it over.

l want my bed.

What, you're not coming?

You have to deliver the present.

You've got your special coat on.

You're our Santa.

l said me and Evie could get here,

and we did.

The rest is just elf work.

Go on, Festive Freddie...

...sling your hook.

lt doesn't matter how we got here.

The sleigh on the roof, the jingle bells,

the eight reindeer.

Gwen would never have seen that.

l wish Dad could see this.

lt would take such a load off his mind.

So, what are your orders?

You're a Claus.

You give the orders.

Do l?

l'm just happy being an elf, really.

You know, just part of it all.

You want to order me

to go through the cat flap?

Yes, that's a great idea.

Do you want to tell me to let you in?

Brilliant. Thank you, Bryony.

And do you want to--?

-Quick!

-The alarm? Definitely, yes.

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