Arthur Christmas Page #5

ls this...

...your first time?

But--

Bryony?

Sorry.

He likes these slippers

even more than you do!

Happy Christmas.

When you put the address into...

...the HOHO, what did you see?

A list of Trelews.

l just clicked on the first one!

Which was not Trelew, England.

We're in the wrong Trelew!

What's going on?!

They've been watching us.

They've seen Evie.

-lt's just like last time.

-Governments tonight...

...are waking to news of a UFO

traveling the globe at incredible speed.

-That's us!

-The clearest...

...sighting was at

this tractor dealership...

-...in ldaho.

-Had eyeballs on its feet...

...and a pointy little head.

lt asked me for a sign.

-We're on the news.

-From the trail in Toronto...

-...these beings do not appear friendly.

-Rebooting.

-We are online, sir.

-This is...

...Charlotte. Mexican...

...police found a furry thing...

-...trying to mate with a dog.

-l have calls...

-...reporting a steam train flying around.

-Steam train? Been on the eggnog?

lt's gone black over Mexico.

This thing's going faster...

...than anything we know of.

-No.

-The herd is now in...

...Mozambique's airspace,

threatening the fragile peace...

...between the two nations.

Two billion items delivered, and we

didn't leave a footprint in the snow.

-And now--

-Sir?

We have lost 80 percent of our data.

No, no. We have 1 8 pulse...

-...data reservoirs of a trillion terabytes!

-Sorry, autosave was off.

Shall l slap him, sir? Quite hard?

Sir...

...there's a polar bear on Level 6.

Sir? Why is Arthur out there?

He missed one.

A nipper.

l mean...

...47785BXK.

Sir, we've got something.

Bryony Shelfley, it's her HOHO.

We can still get there.

-We just have to go faster, higher!

-You've changed your tune.

l'm not going anywhere.

l'm not here!

l've taped myself in! Grandsanta!

Leave me. lt's that...

...terrible night all over again.

What night?

Last time l took Evie for a spin.

l didn't know...

...it was the Cuban missile crisis!

l nearly started World War lll.

Hold still. Someone has to drive.

Oh, no!

Fencer!

Mincer! Come back!

Bryony!

Grandsanta...

...get here!

Oi! That's me new hip.

Please, l'll read you Gwen's letter.

Stone-deaf. l'm 1 36.

-What's that?

-lt's Steve.

-Steve!

-Tell him...

...l'm not here!

Grandsanta says he's not here.

Hi. l'm looking for a missing relic.

Steve, three words.

-ls the first one "help"?

-Yes.

-You can help us, Steve!

-lt was him!

Frosty the Madman.

He forced me to come.

Elf, back me up if you want a career.

-l forced you?

-You see? Look.

What did you want, Grandsanta?

Let me guess.

A picture of you in the sleigh

delivering the gift...

...to show me how it's really done?

No.

You know the picture

they'll have tomorrow?

You, led away in handcuffs!

The Santa who was seen.

By everybody on Earth.

The Santa who ruined Christmas.

Ruined it!

We'll fix this, Steve. We'll be back home

in the wobble of a reindeer's buttocks.

And Evie can go back in mothballs.

You can forget she ever existed.

You can't just go home.

What about Gwen?

Gwen. For that, you'd threaten

my whole operation?

Steve, you said if there was any way

to get there, you would.

Well, this is it. Look.

The old sleigh is perfect!

Right. Well, anyway, it goes really fast,

even with bits missing.

And we've got quite a few

reindeer left.

And, if l'm sick again,

l could be sick in a bag.

l'll wrap him one.

We can help them.

No one missed, sir!

All correct presents,

present and correct.

lf you help us, Steve...

...we can do it!

Grandsanta and Arthur would be...

...the heroes of the night, sir!

Come home now!

lf we all just gave in...

...to Christmas spirit, there'd be chaos.

-We're on our way, Steve.

-No!

Santa will want us to get to Gwen.

Ask him. Please.

Arthur...

...this is Dad we're talking about.

There was a time when he cared about

every last gift tag, but now...

...he just wants to be loved

and get some rest.

No. He's lying awake,

worrying his beard off about Gwen.

Off to the land of nod.

Please do not disturb

until December 26th.

-ls that it, dear?

-Yes.

Press the red--

No.

Santa's the most caring man

in the world.

So why are you here, not him?

Don't leave me, Arthur!

Poor old man and his reindeer,

on our own at Christmas?

At least have the decency

to finish us off with a rock!

Poor Evie.

Sun'll be up soon.

lt's Christmas!

Christmas is for kids.

You grow out of it.

What, in the last six minutes?

l know what you all say about me,

you know.

"He belongs in the South Pole."

"Dear Arthur, what a puzzle."

Well, you were right.

All that fuss over one kid.

l was being ridiculous.

This is nice.

lt's good to get away from it all,

you know.

All the Christmas fuss.

l'm sorry l messed things up, lad.

You see...

...the night l last took Evie out...

...when there was all that fuss...

...your father came to me.

l'll never forget it.

Couldn't look me in the eye.

"Dad," he says.

"Steve thinks it best

you don't fly again.

We're scrapping the sleigh."

Me own son...

...who used to sit where you sat,

looking up at me.

l just wanted them to remember...

...who l used to be.

l was a bit like you, lad.

Keen as cranberry.

So was your dad.

You get old, that's all.

Everything changes.

Does it?

How can l ever write another letter

saying that Santa cares?

Good night, Dad.

Sleep well.

Sir, we know you shouldn't believe

rumors, but we do.

ls it true you missed a child?

Me? No, no, no.

Well, in a way, yes.

lt was just one.

ln fact, not even that.

Naught point lots more naughts...

...then a number

and some sort of percent at the end.

Not really an error, just a one.

One child doesn't matter? Which one?

Well, l.... lt's not that--

l did nine ones in Greece.

-Did those matter?

-What about my ones...

...in Germany? One of them was twins!

They don't matter half each.

Why don't you ask Steve?

He can explain. Fiendishly clever.

But aren't you in charge, sir?

Of course. l'm Santa.

Sir...

...if the one that got missed

doesn't matter...

...why have Arthur and Grandsanta

gone to take it?

-What?

-Malcolm, what's this about Arthur?

He's crazy.

ls there a list of children

who don't matter?

Santa said they don't matter

1 00 percent.

ls it true children aren't real,

they're just antimatter?

Do not-- Look. Look!

l festivized every single country

in the world. You see?

This one, this one, this one.

All of them.

l mean, who cares about

one single tiny child?

l do.

Arthur.

My poor boy.

Why on earth would he--?

You're his brother, Steve.

How could you let him?

And about this child you missed...

...l'm really not sure

you made the right decision.

ls that bird doo on your shoulder?

Right.

Over there is Satellite...

...Tracking, Navigation, Data Analysis.

Coffee machine's by the door.

Good night, Santa.

l'll be right back.

Dear Xiao-Ling,

thanks for your letter...

...and drawing of Santa

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