As Cool as I Am Page #4

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Lucy. I really didn't

mean it. I really am sorry.

Real men treat women with respect.

- Say it.

- Real men treat women with respect.

Have a good Easter, Scott.

Scott, I'm so...

- Scott was scared to dead.

- I made him apologize to Lucy.

- Lucy's out driving around...

- Well, you'll be lucky if his family

doesn't press charges.

Oh please!

You have your job now, right?

So somebody had to make

time for parenting.

You call that parenting?

What... I'm not enough

to get jealous about anymore,

you have to throw Lucy in too?

Anything I need to be jealous about?

What should I be jealous about?

Go cool off before you do

something really stupid.

Mom, are you okay?

Yeah, I will be.

- Hello?

- How's the hottest b*tch

- at North Central High?

- Would you stop calling me that!

- Boy troubles?

- This jerk won't leave me alone.

Well, get used to it.

Hey sweetie. I just called work,

they're short a couple of guys.

They can't even get the schedule right.

Same old, same old.

What... you're leaving?

Yes, I just called work. They're short

a couple of guys. I gotta go.

Jesus, Chuck, you're lying!

You are lying right to my face!

Now I'm the liar? I'm the one

that keeps us going, lady.

You think you make enough with your

little job to pay for all this?

I'm leaving because I have to work!

Somebody has to work...

You know what? Go, just go then.

Run away if you can't handle it here...

Everyday life here is way more

than you wanna put up with...

F***!!

How is the hottest b*tch at

North Central High?

Building self-esteem is one thing,

but maintaining a high level of esteem

requires that you incorporate

the things you learn

into your life and make

them a habit for you.

What a piece of sh*t!

- Hey.

- Hey.

So you want to add a

little bit of herb at the end...

a little fresh parsley,

a little bit...

Kenny says we hit rock bottom

with the Easter freak feast.

I'd always pictured rock bottom with way

more hard drugs and bad cooking.

So in this last 30 seconds is

when everything really great,

that can happen can,

but also when it could be a disaster.

And that'll get you in the right spot,

and then you take it to the plate.

Hey!

I got your text. What's going on?

- I'm okay! Just...

- Hey!

You don't actually seem that okay.

Do you remember that morning

I came into your room?

Well, I think we can improve on

that memory.

What about our abstinence promise?

It will be like a do-over.

Do-overs don't count.

I have to go live

with my dad.

What?

They changed my parenting plan.

Apparently my dad's really been

working his sobriety.

They can't make you move

clear across the state.

We're minors. They can make

me do anything they want.

They'll have to wait until the

school years over...

No, Lucy... power corrupts. And

parental power corrupts absolutely.

Is this because of me, I mean...

because of us?

- Probably.

- My God!

We are stupid.

We have ruined everything.

Hey!

Yo!

- Where's Kenny?

- Don't know.

Hey, you know what

happened right there?

You! You happened right there.

That is something I never

needed to know.

Your dad was the only man

I've had sex with until this year.

Mom, I... come on!

Geez, Kenny...

where are you?

Max tits to the masses, cutting classes...

smacking them asses...

What up, shorty? No, look... seriously.

There's a really great party tonight.

Everyone's gonna be there.

It's too bad I hate everyone

or else I'll be there too.

You're weird, you know

but in a super hot way.

You're clueless, you know

but in a dull and obvious way.

I see your future, Lucy Diamond!

You will lighten up and you will have fun.

In high school, I thought

I was gonna be famous.

Famous for what?

I don't know.

I just...

I just didn't think I was gonna

end up so... so regular.

You know... boring.

My parents died in a car crash

when I was in high school, so...

- after that I kinda stood out.

- Jesus!

And Chuck was an orphan

so I figured he was

the only person who

could understand me.

- He sort of rescued you?

- No, that was Lucy.

She forced me to fight my way

back to regular and boring.

Oh, there's nothing about you

that's regular or boring.

He hasn't been in school all week.

He wouldn't just leave!

- He's really not here, Lucy.

- No, I'm coming over there.

Justin said you'd want to ride

with us to the party.

I got this for you.

Seemed like you weren't into beer.

- Saint Jude.

- Huh?

Patron saint of lost causes?

Beaten to death

with a club and beheaded

1st century AD?

Isn't that a Beatles song?

Nice car. Does it go fast?

High school hero can't dance? No?

Are you gonna rap or are

you gonna dance? Come on!

I can dance. I can dance.

I think your girlfriend's kinda

jealous of us talking.

Who? Jaime? No, me and her

broke-up a long time ago.

What? They don't think I'm good enough

to, like, hang out with you guys?

- Yeah, well, she's wrong about that.

- Yeah.

- You are drunk.

- I know.

Come on.

Yeah?

Okay, everyone's kind

of staring at us now.

- Let them watch!

- Okay...

Okay, you've got to give them a show.

Come on! I don't even have

my sweat-shirt off.

Hey.

Come on... I can't

even move my arms.

Hey, stop!

Come on, cut it out. That hurts...

cut it out.

That was awesome!

Does the word "consensual"

mean anything to you?

What did you think was

gonna happen?

I need you... I need you to leave.

- Hey, you okay?

- Does it actually look like I'm okay?

Why do you smell like vomit?

How many possible answers can

there be to that question?

Kenny is gone.

He didn't even

say goodbye.

Oh Lucy, honey.

I'm so sorry.

Someone gave me

peppermint schnapps at the party.

Once I got sick on cinnamon schnapps.

Now I gag a little every time

I walk past a Cinnabon.

- Hey Mom...

- Yeah?

I puked inside my shirt.

It's been my experience,

parents usually

know more than you think they do.

My dad's away working.

It might help both of you

to let your mother know.

She'd think I ended up

just like her.

Evidence I collect today can

be held anonymously for 30 days.

You have that amount of time to decide

if you want to file a police report.

There's a drug, Combivir, it would

help prevent you from getting HIV.

Like AIDS... HIV?

It has to be taken for

3 weeks and the side-effects

are intense like a really bad flu.

No!

I'm a sophomore in high school.

I've- I've kissed a total of 3 boys.

It's a medication I would encourage

you to consider, given the situation.

Hey... hey! How are you?

I... I tried calling.

I've been really worried.

Hey Lucy! Wait up.

I'm not Justin. I'm not like him,

Lucy. I didn't do anything.

No, you didn't do anything.

You didn't say anything.

You just let him think it was okay.

Yeah, well... I don't think he's

gonna listen to anything...

Okay... well, congratulations

because you are so much

the better person! It's impressive!

Sorry, I left without saying goodbye.

In my bigger life,

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