As Good as It Gets Page #7

MELVIN:

What are you trying to do to me?

CHERYL:

What the heck do you mean?

MELVIN:

Hey, elephant girl, call her or

something... just let her do my

one meal here. I'll pay whatever.

I'll wait.

(as she doesn't

budge; he screams)

Do it!!!

The MANAGER comes over, gesturing to the table of police

that he can handle it. All attention is on Melvin.

MANAGER:

Out. Be silent or leave.

MELVIN:

I'll be quiet. Just let me wait.

No problem. Get her here -- have

her get me two sausages, four

bacon, two eggs over easy and

coffee. I'm not a prick here --

I'm a great customer. This day is

a disaster. I can't handle this,

too.

MANAGER:

Get out immediately or there's

going to be trouble.

Melvin looks at the police, sizes up the hopeless

situation and rises.

MELVIN:

There's going to be trouble???

He walks toward the door as Cheryl and all the other

employees applaud his defeat. As he passes a BUSBOY near

the door he hands him 20 dollars.

MELVIN:

Carol's last name?

BUSBOY:

Connelly.

EXT. BROOKLYN STREET - DAY

An uncomfortable Melvin sitting in the back of a taxi.

MELVIN'S POV

A neighborhood in Brooklyn -- a community. Melvin, ever

the shark observer, looks from the cab to see slices of

community life -- MEN in front of a bar, PARENTS giving

their CHILD a ride on a mechanical horse outside a local

store -- two YOUNG WOMEN discuss dating.

EXT. CAROL'S BUILDING - DAY

As he exits -- RINGS the BELL and is BUZZED in.

INT. CAROL'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DOOR/HALLWAY - DAY

Carol opens the door just as he arrives on her landing.

She holds a container of ice, washclothes and a

thermometer.

MELVIN:

I'm hungry.

(on Carol's astonished

look)

You've upset my whole day. I

haven't eaten.

CAROL:

What are you doing here?

Melvin ignores the question, instead answering a charge

he had imagined she might make...

MELVIN:

This is not a sexist thing. If

you were a waiter I would still be

here saying...

CAROL:

Are you totally gone? This is my

private home...

MELVIN:

I am trying to keep emotions out of

this. Even though this is an

important issue to me and I have

strong feelings about the subject.

CAROL:

What subject? That I wasn't there

to take crap from you and bring

you eggs? Do you have any control

over how creepy you allow yourself

to get?

MELVIN:

Yes, I do, as a matter of fact...

and to prove it I have not gotten

personal and you have. Why aren't

you at work? You're not sick --

you don't look sick... just very

tired and bitter.

CAROL:

My son is sick, okay?

Even saying the sentence, "My son is sick" pushes some

emotions toward the surface which are wasted on the crazy

man at her threshold.

MELVIN:

What about your mother?

CAROL:

How do you know about my mother?

MELVIN:

I hear you talk when I'm

waiting!!!

She crosses to the sink to dump the ice. Melvin takes a

step inside. Spencer, seven and looking ill, walks into

the room.

CAROL:

Sorry, honey... I'll be right

there.

MELVIN:

(uncomfortably)

How ya doing?

Spencer just stares at him.

MELVIN:

(miffed)

You should answer when someone

talks to you...

Carol eyes Melvin with disgust and disbelief then

emphatically gestures him to "clear out." Melvin backs

out the door.

CAROL:

Sorry. There is a limit, Melvin,

and I can't handle you teaching

my son manners.

She closes the door in his face, then walks to her son

and leads him back to his room.

INT. SPENCER'S ROOM

CAMERA MOVES TOWARD mother and son sitting on the edge of

Spencer's bed. She holds a digital thermometer to his

ear. They both count down the seconds.

CAROL AND SPENCER

5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Bingo.

SPENCER:

104.9

CAROL:

We are going to treat ourselves to

a cab ride.

EXT. BROOKLYN SIDEWALK - ANGLE ON CAROL - DAY

As Carol carries her young son through a class of

uniformed KIDS from a Catholic elementary school. She

spots Melvin about to enter a cab.

CAROL:

Melvin, wait!

The school kids pick up the chant in unison.

SCHOOL KIDS:

Melvin, wait! Melvin, wait!

Melvin, wait!

He turns to face them.

MELVIN:

Shut up, kids!

They immediately obey as Carol approaches him.

CAROL:

Melvin... give us a lift. We've

got to go see our friends at the

hospital.

Melvin is thrown... he pauses a beat... then holds the

rear door open as Carol hustles the kid inside. The

maneuver puts the beet red, sweating Spencer at his face.

MELVIN:

I'll ride up front. Cover your

mouth when you cough, kid.

INT. BROOKLYN CAB - DAY

As they settle in and drive off.

CAROL:

Brooklyn Presbyterian Hospital,

please and quickly please.

EXT. HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM - DAY

As Carol enters the hospital.

CAROL:

(calling back)

I owe you three dollars.

Melvin follows behind her as she carries her son...

MELVIN:

Yeah, yeah... any chance you'll

get back to work today?

CAROL:

(furiously)

No!!! Stay away from me!

INT. SIMON'S APARTMENT - DAY

Verdell lies just inside the front door whimpering for

Melvin. Jackie sits across from Simon's wheel chair...

she has some index cards in her laps which she

occasionally consults and shuffles.

JACKIE:

I feel terrible that I have to...

Simon? Forget about the dog for a

second.

Simon forces his attention to Jackie.

SIMON:

Sorry. What are those cards?

JACKIE:

(a bit embarrassed)

Frank's idea. He thought I should

have notes so I did this right...

maintained focus, didn't get

emotional and tried not to terrify

you.

SIMON:

(scared shitless)

Terrify me?

JACKIE:

See, he's right. I need the

cards.

(reading from cards)

Simon, you're broke.

ANGLE ON VERDELL

as their conversation continues -- the dog is distressed.

JACKIE (O.S.)

The medical bill are 61 thousand

now. I've spoken to your parents

and they didn't hang up or

anything -- they just said they

would feel strange calling you.

SIMON (O.S.)

Well, I can't reach them.

Verdell walks out on the terrace and looks off. He turns

for:

SIMON:

(to Verdell)

Here, baby... what is it,

Verdell?... You miss the tough

guy...

(trying to be

Melvin-like)

Well, here I am, you little pissant

mop, happy to see me? How about

another ride down the chute? Oh,

God... I don't mean it,

sweetheart...

(on Jackie's look)

I'm sorry. I know...

Verdell hides behind a chair.

JACKIE:

Frank loves you. You know that...

but I've spoken to him and he

feels that --

(reading from card)

-- as a businessman, with limited

resources...

SIMON:

I'll be able to keep my apartment

and studio, won't I?... Just tell

me.

As Jackie looks at him then thumbs for a card.

SIMON:

(overwhelmed)

Wow...

Verdell has come near him -- he reaches out a hand to pet

the dog and the dog ducks.

INT. MELVIN'S APARTMENT - DAY

He is trying to write. He can't. His world has been upset.

He walks away from his work -- a highly unusual act. He

is distressed -- and then an idea and he exits.

INT. PUBLISHER'S OFFICE - DAY

We are looking at ZOE, the receptionist. She is listening

with interest to an O.S. conversation while answering

phone calls, "Premier Publishing."

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