As Good as It Gets Page #8

FEMALE EXECUTIVE (O.S.)

Yes, you write more than anyone

else. Yes, you make us a lot of

money, but isn't there someone

more appropriate to...

MELVIN (O.S.)

I need this. Just say, "Melvin,

I'll try," okay?

FEMALE EXECUTIVE (O.S.)

(resigned)

Melvin, I'll try.

They appear now -- the woman tall, attractive, etc. She

pauses at the elevator.

FEMALE EXECUTIVE

Now, on a pleasant note, our son

got accepted at Brown. My

husband...

MELVIN:

(curtly)

Great, wonderful. I don't need

you to wait with me.

She nods, pissed, waves and leaves. As Melvin waits, Zoe

summons her moxie.

ZOE:

I can't resist. You usually move

through here so quickly and I have

so many questions I want to ask

you. You have no idea what your

work means to me.

MELVIN:

What's it mean?

ZOE:

That somebody out there knows what

it's like to be...

(taps her head and heart)

in here.

MELVIN:

Oh God, this is like a nightmare.

ZOE:

Aw come on, just a couple of

questions -- how hard is that?

As he hits the button, wipes his fingers, hits the button

etc.

ZOE:

How do you write women so well?

MELVIN:

(as he turns

toward her)

I think of a man and take away

reason and accountability.

The fan is jolted as the elevator doors open and close.

EXT. STREET NEAR CAROL'S BUILDING - DAY

A depleted, exhausted Carol approaches her home. She is

suddenly wary -- SOUND DIALED DOWN -- as we MOVE CLOSER.

CAROL'S POV

A car at the curb with "MD" license plate.

BACK TO SCENE:

As Carol breaks into a run.

INT. CAROL'S APARTMENT BUILDING, STAIRWAY/HALLWAY - DAY

As she bounds the stairs, comes to her apartment door and

jiggles with the keys, a strange prescient whimpering

sound coming from her. As she enters the apartment.

CAROL:

Hello? Hello?

VOICE (O.S.)

Mrs. Connelly, I'm in here.

The worst confirmed, she moves down the narrow hallway,

her innards squirting the same chemicals that drives elk

on opening day of the hunting season.

INT. SPENCER'S ROOM - DAY

CAROL:

What? Please? Now? Tell me?!

DR. BETTES

Mrs. Connelly. I'm Martin Bettes

... Dr. Bettes.

CAROL:

Not your name... what are you

telling me your name for!! Where

is he?

DR. BETTES

He's in the bathroom... He's fine.

CAROL:

(overlapping)

Tell me how bad it is. I let him

go out last night when it was so

cool without an overshirt -- just

and underone with just the straps

and I know better... and I let him

talk me into it. He was whining

and... you don't need this. Give

me a second to catch hold.

And so she does. Wow does she... and gives us some

notion of the size of her fear demon and the strength it

takes to subdue it as Dr. Bettes keeps reassuring her and

she keeps nodding... finally a deep breath as Spencer

enters from the bathroom. All at hyper speed now.

Salvation as farce.

SPENCER:

(to his mother)

Hi...

(they kiss)

Did you know there are doctors who

come to your house?

CAROL:

No, I didn't.

(to Bettes)

So why are you h...

Beverly, Carol's mother, enters the room. She is ebullient

which, if life allowed, would be her natural state.

BEVERLY:

I didn't know you had a secret

admire.

CAROL:

Huh?

BEVERLY:

You met the gift.

SPENCER:

He's good... And I'm an expert on

doctors.

CAROL:

(to Spencer)

Stay out of this... Doctor?

DR. BETTES

My wife is Melvin Udall's

publisher.

(as Carol reacts)

She says I have to take great care

of this guy because you're

urgently needed back at work.

What work do you do?

CAROL:

I'm a waitress.

ON Dr. Bettes' reaction her mother adds a saving grace.

BEVERLY:

In Manhattan.

VOICE (O.S.)

Dr. Bettes?

DR. BETTES

In here.

A NURSE enters.

NURSE:

Sorry it took so long. I don't

know Brooklyn.

DR. BETTES

It's okay, Terry.

(hands her blood

vail)

Tell the lab I'd like the report

back today.

Carol and her mother exchange a look of incredulity.

CAROL:

You're going to get the results

today?!

MOVING SHOT:

As we approach the doctor and Carol seated across from

each other at a small table... soft voices... relaxation.

Bettes is examining medicine bottles.

DR. BETTES

How long has he been having

problems?

CAROL:

Since forever.

DR. BETTES

Have they done blood tests on him?

CAROL:

Yes.

DR. BETTES

Only in the emergency room or when

he was well.

CAROL:

Emergency room only.

DR. BETTES

Have they done skin testing for

allergies?

CAROL:

No.

DR. BETTES

They haven't done the standard

scratch test. Where they make

small injections into the skin?

CAROL:

No. I asked. They said it's not

covered under my plan. And it's

not necessary anyway.

DR. BETTES

It's amazing these things weren't

done.

CAROL:

F***ing H.M.O. bastard piece of

sh*t... I'm sorry... forgive me.

DR. BETTES

No. Actually, I think that's

their technical name.

CAROL:

Once the tests come back, is there

someone I can reach in your office

for the results?

DR. BETTES

Me. My home number is on this

card.

CAROL:

His home number.

Carol look at her mother -- they share a laugh. Beverly

has a hard time stopping.

CAROL:

(to doctor)

Do you want some juice or coffee

or two female slaves?

DR. BETTES

Water... Nobody told you it might

be a good idea to remove the

carpeting and drapes in Spencer's

room?

CAROL:

No.

She starts towards Spencer's room.

DR. BETTES

You don't have to do it this

second... it's not dangerous or

anything. It's just something

that's advisable. Look, there's

a lot to be checked but... Hey,

your son is going to feel a

good deal better at the very

least...

She pats his head... Then embraces him with fierce

intimacy.

CAROL:

Doc!!!

(then)

So listen, you gotta let me know

about the additional costs -- one

way or the other we'll...

DR. BETTES

They're considerable. But Mr.

Udall wants to be billed.

She takes this as a blow to the heart, stomach and groin.

INT. SIMON'S APARTMENT - DAY

Simon practices walking using his cane. A tearstained

Nora hugs him good-bye.

NORA:

You poor, poor man.

SIMON:

Let's use just one poor, okay?

Anyway, dear, thanks for

everything. Forgive my recent

crankiness and as soon as things

are on track again I'll call.

She kisses him and starts for the door and suddenly a

sharp intake of breath -- she's forgotten something.

SIMON:

What's wrong?

NORA:

Who's going to walk Verdell?

Simon hadn't thought of this either.

SIMON:

No, no.

INT. APARTMENT BUILDING (NEW YORK) - HALLWAY - DAY

Nora holding her things, knocks on Melvin's door. Melvin

opens the door. Nora is still sniffling. He misinterprets.

MELVIN:

Is he dead yet?

NORA:

No! Would there be any way for

you to be willing to walk his dog

for him?

MELVIN:

Absolutely.

NORA:

Not just today -- Uh, could you

do it -- until, until he gets

back on his feet?

MELVIN:

Sure thing.

NORA:

You're a wonderful man. Two

o'clock is a good time. Here's

the key in case he's asleep. Open

the curtains for him, so he sees

God's beautiful work and knows

that even things like this happen

for the best.

MELVIN:

Where'd they teach you to talk

like this -- some Panama City

"Sailor want to hump-hump bar"?

Or was today getaway day and your

last shot at his whiskey. Sell

crazy some place else -- we're all

stocked up here.

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