As I Lay Dying Page #3

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deeds

just the gaps in people's lack

coming down like the cries of

the

geese in the wild darkness in

the old terrible nights.

Anse had a word, too. Love, he

called it.

But I had been used to words for

a long time.

I knew that word was like the

others.

Just a shape to fill a lack.

When I knew that I had Cash...

I knew that life was terrible

and that this was the answer to

it.

That was when I learned that

words are no good.

Words don't ever fit even what

they are trying to say at.

When he was borned, I knew

motherhood was invented by

someone

who had to have a word for it

Because the ones that had the

children...

didn't care if there was a word

for it or not.

Sometimes I would lay by him in

the dark...

hearing the dark land that was

now of my blood and flesh

and I would think, "Anse."

"Why Anse? Why is he Anse?"

And I would think about his name

until, after a while

I could see the word as a

shape...

a vessel.

I would watch him liquefy and

flow into it...

until the jar stood full and

motionless.

I told Cora one day...

that he was my cross, and he

would be my salvation.

He would save me from the water

and the fire.

Even though I had laid down my

life...

he would save me.

She told me it was sinful when

she realized how we were talking

about God.

But sin and love and fear are

just sounds

that people who have never

sinned nor loved nor feared,

have.

But what they never had, and

cannot have...

until they forget the words.

She wanted me to pray, ask for

forgiveness...

because to people to whom sin is

just a matter of words

to them, "salvation" is just

words, too.

I would think of him as dressed

in sin.

I would think of him as thinking

of me...

as dressed also in sin.

Even more beautiful...

because the garment he exchanged

for sin was sanctified.

I would think of the sin as

garments which we would remove.

And then it was over.

He gave me jewel.

and jewel was my salvation.

His grace be upon this house!

He got the saw, Cash!

I got the rule! Found the rule,

Cash!

He got your saw, Cash!

He got your saw!

I'm going to Armstid's.

give cash help.

After school was out and the

last one had left

with his dirty little snuffling

nose

instead of going home, I would

go down the hill

to the spring where I could be

quiet

and hate them.

I would have to look at them day

after day...

each with his and her sacred

selfish thought.

And I would look forward to the

times when they faulted

so I could whip them.

When the switch fell, I could

feel it upon my flesh.

When it welted and ridged it was

my blood that ran...

and I would think with each blow

of the switch:

Now you are aware of me!

Doc Peabody had gone down below

Inverness somewhere...

but Uncle Billy's coming. He's a

horse doctor.

But he's about the closer we

come now.

Well...

what y'all thinking?

In here, Uncle Billy.

What you been into now, boy?

All right, get me a chair and a

big glass of whiskey.

Lucky for him, that were the

same leg he broke last summer.

Me and you might got a different

notion of what's lucky.

I reckon I get your point.

But can you help him?

Well, men ain't so different

from a horse or a mule...

except maybe...

horse or a mule might have a

little more sense.

I want you to drink this.

All of it.

It's okay to holler, boy, if you

feel like you need to.

All right, need some help

holding him down.

Hold him down. Hold him still.

Hold him still. Put a bite on

him.

Bite on it. Put the rag in your

mouth and bite on it.

Bite. All right.

Is he all right?

He's all right.

I'm gonna need some help with

these splints while he's out.

You're welcome to the use of my

team.

I thank you, but she'll want to

go in ourn.

Well...

You might wanna think about

Snopes.

He's got three, four span.

Maybe one of them'd suit you.

He a close man to trade with.

Yeah

But I reckon I can talk him

around.

How does it taste, huh?

Go! Get outta here! Leave! Go!

Go! Go! Get outta here! Shoo!

Get off! Go! Shoo! Shoo!

Get out of here! Just go!

Git! Shoo!

Go! Go! shoo! Shoo!

Go! Leave my Mama alone! Go!

You've got to do something. It's

an outrage. He should be lawed

for treating her so.

He's getting her in the ground

best he can.

Dear Lord! That smell!

You have to do something.

Anse! Anse!

He's gone.

Where's Anse?

Done light out this morning

trade for a new team with

Snopes.

How'd he get there?

Jewel's horse.

I didn't think he'd ever let

nobody else touch that beast.

Never has.

I don't mean no offense, but...

smell, smell's getting pretty

bad.

I know.

Come on eat now.

You, too, Jewel.

Jewel, come on eat!

Pa's home!

Got us a team.

Got a team from Snopes?

I reckon Snopes ain't the only

fella in this town itching to

drive a trade.

A fella that just beat Snopes in

a trade ought to feel pretty

darn good.

What you give him, Anse?

I give him a chattel mortgage on

my seeder and cultivator.

That ain't worth more than $40.

I give other things.

What other things?

Other things.

That's what he was doing in

Cash's clothes last night.

You know he was planning to buy

that talking machine from

Suratt.

That's just $8.

That ain't enough to buy another

team.

Lord knows...

if there were ere a man.

And the horse.

What horse?

We give him the horse right

after we bury your mother.

You mean, you think you swapped

my horse?

My horse?

Five months hard work...

clear near 40 acres of Quick's

field to earn it.

For 15 year I ain't had a tooth

in my head.

Lord knows...

for 15 year He know that I ain't

had the victuals...

that He aimed for man to eat to

keep his strength up.

And me saving a nickel here and

a nickel there...

so my family wouldn't suffer it,

to buy them!

And I thought that if I could do

without eating...

my son could do without riding!

God knows I did!

Hell

Come on. Up!

Where's Jewel? We can't leave

without Jewel.

Jewel disappeared with his

horse.

Be the last time we see Jewel,

sure enough.

Maybe they get a postcard from

him down in Texas, I reckon.

Anse Bundren is an outrage

against decency.

I be darn if he ain't a sight.

How you feeling, Cash?

It don't bother none.

You want me to prop it up some?

You all right?

It's just on a bump...

it kinda grinds together a

little bit on a bump.

But it don't bother nothing.

Is it because Jewel's mother is

a horse, Darl?

Is that why he went away?

That's part of it.

Hey, Cash, you want me to

tighten this?

If you just would.

That hurt?

Maybe just put it back down.

Hurt?

It don't bother none.

You want Pa to slow down?

No. There's no point in slowing

down now.

It don't bother nothing.

I reckon we gotta get him some

medicine.

There ain't no way around it.

Just tell him to go on.

Them cakes is gonna be nice by

the time we get to Jefferson.

You best sell them in Mottson,

if you know what I'm saying.

When will we get to Mottson,

Darl?

Tomorrow. If this team don't

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