Ashens and the Quest for the Gamechild Page #5

Synopsis: Featuring Ashens insane fictional search for a piece of electronic tat for the fabled Game Child, accompanied by fan favourite Chef Excellence (a human version, not the bloody puppet), and together they try to overcome the odds - and all common sense - to lay our hands on the fabled Game Child, an old handheld video game. But a shadowy figure, aided by my irritating nemesis, wants the game for their own dastardly ends.
 
IMDB:
6.2
Year:
2013
88 min
112 Views


Oh...

Oh, sorry, I didn't realise!

Yes, it was quite annoying,

but it gives me the opportunity to apologise to you in person.

I appreciate that my music may have been a trifle too loud, and for this, I am sorry.

It's alright. Yeah. Um... This is my friend, Geoff.

Hey! Great costume!

It's not a costume!

Weirdo.

Anyway, I overheard your situation, and I have a necessary experience to help you on your quest.

It's not a quest. It's a mission.

Yeah whatever. I shall lead you to Sadonion.

We're going to walk to Sadonion?

One does not simply walk into Sadonion.

Come with me.

Stuart, I'm scared!

I think I went to a hotel like this place.

I want to turn back!

It's not good.

I swore I would never return to this place..

So, you have returned, Champion of the Shining Death's Head!

The nightmares beyond this fog all still hold much danger for thee.

Ashens. Come with me.

What happened here?

The creatures beyond this wall have never proffered an explanation.

And those that have sought one have found only madness!

I bet the house prices are cheap, though.

Eh... Not if you want a place by the seafront.

You don't want to mess around in there.

This will stop most of the horrors, but probably won't help me against the tentacle-headed things.

But, what are you going to do?

Can't be too careful.

I can't let you do this. This is my mission.

You would never survive in that place.

Come on, Stu. Let someone help you for once.

Okay. Okay.

Good Luck.

Thank you.

Do not cross the fog wall!

The Silver Skull will return!

The Silver Skull forgot his lunch box.

What?!

Right, back in a minute.

What the hell was that?!

I don't know, man.

Did you make the stick yourself? Or eBay?

So do you guys wait here all day? Do you have somewhere to go, like, in the evening when it gets a bit cold?

Are you in a union, or something? Or a civil partnership?

You alright? Come on!

You're alright, mate, I've got you!

Come on. Come on.

Oh...

The tentacle-headed things. There were too many.

I'm sorry.

Help me take this mask off.

Let me look on you with-

With your own eyes. Yes.

I'm dying here! I can quote whatever I like!

Sorry! Sorry!

But...

You're quite obviously the famous actor, Warwick Davis!

Yes. You may remember me from the Star Wars and Harry Potter franchises,

as well as the 1988 fantasy film, Willow.

But how can you be the Silver Skull?

I just put this mask on. It's not rocket science!

But, you're the wrong height!

You don't have to be a certain height to wear a mask, you know!

No, I meant, the Silver Skull is tall, isn't he?

I'm an actor. It's called acting.

I mean, it's like a, a matter of physics, isn't it?

Oh, so now I have to be 5 foot 7 to understand the basic principles of science, now?

No, that's not what I meant at all!

Crestfallen guy! Help me out, here.

You know what you are?! You're an idiot! And a bigot!

You've got the wrong end of the stick!

I got you!

What?!

I was just pulling your leg!

I thought it up with that guy, over there.

Unbelievable!

So you're not really dying then?

No! I'm fine!

And you're not Warwick Davis.

I'm quite clearly Warwick Davis.

Oh... Right. Right.

Here, give me a hand up.

But.... Oh forget it.

See you later!

Weirdos...

Hi. I'm Stuart.

Who are you?

Hey, dude, they call me the Guide.

So, presumably, you guide people places?

Yeah, man, that's pretty much it in a nutshell.

Look, you have saved my life, and I am in your debt.

The Silver Skull told me of your quest to find the Game Child.

Why do people keep calling it a quest?

I know where the Game Child is, man!

Oh, fantastic! Where?!

Follow me.

But, before we go, I must warn you both...

The path is not going to be easy.

It's going to be filled with treacherous obstacles,

and danger, and stuff.

Understood.

Very well.

Stuart, it's filled with stuff! That could be anything!

I know.

I know, calm down.

Oh, come on Guide. We've been walking for days!

It's not too far now.

My legs are killing me.

My feet as well!

His moaning is killing me.

Treat the frisbee as if it was your own child.

Throw it out of your hand like your first born son.

You're really channeling Mother Earth's energy.

This is like Tron Legacy, only less disappointing!

There's stuff in my face!

Nature's eating me!

Come on, let it out.

That is the lamest thing I've ever seen in my life.

You can talk, hippy boy!

There's someone I want to introduce you to.

A good old friend of mine, isn't that right you old son of a birch?!

We need to be cracking on, mate.

Come on, Guide, let's not.

Guide! Come on!

We'll always have Woodstock.

I'm about to channel the energy from the frisbee.

Yeah, you keep doing that.

A toast to a good time!

And clean bowels.

That's the best kind!

We're here, man.

You said it was going to be dangerous!

Well, you know, that coffee was hot.

And I hurt my finger playing frisbee.

Fair enough...

So, the Game Child's in here. What is this place?

The Game Child has traveled across many paths, and this is its current home.

A really, super-cool, hip, conceptual artist has used it in his latest exhibition.

So how to we get past the electric fence?

Oh, this fence isn't actually electrified.

It's just an illusion, dude.

It's designed to deter the uninitiated.

Are you sure?

Have I steered you the wrong way yet?

Well, no, but look at the sign.

Then just chill!

Trust me, dude!

Shouldn't we test it or something first, at least?

There's no need for tests, when you have faith in your own knowledge.

Bloody hell!

Get a stick!

Oh God, hang in there man, you'll be fine!

Unless you're already dead!

I can't tell!

Electricity is your friend.

Just go with the flow!

I'm running out of reassuring things to say!

It's the amps that kill you, not the volts!

Guide?

Guide, are you okay?

Psst! Come on, sleepyhead!

Time for school.

Stuart, I don't think he's going to make it!

Poor guy!

On the plus side, I think he shorted out the electric fence.

Well at least his death wasn't entirely in vain.

What shall we do with the body?

Don't worry, Stuart.

A true Chef knows how to honor his fallen comrades.

Woah! Hang on there!

There could be alarms, and sensors, and red laser beams...

You know, like those ones in the movies?

Let me check.

Don't worry, Stuart.

A true Chef will always defer to a security expert.

Good for you.

Yep, just as I thought.

Red lasers everywhere.

Oh, God.

I'm going to need to talk you through this.

You up to it?

I don't know, I jus-

You can do this, Geoff.

I believe in you.

You believe in me?!

I can do this, Stuart.

I can do this!

Right. Focus, look straight ahead,

and do exactly as I say, when I say it, yeah?

Three steps forward.

Okay.

Stop!

Excellent, now raise your left arm in the air.

Like this?

Yep, higher, as far as you can get it.

That's good, very good.

Now, Left leg, bring it up.

Little bit higher.

Is that okay?

Good.

Very good.

Now, spin your foot around in a circle.

Rate this script:3.5 / 2 votes

Stuart Ashen

Stuart Clive Ashen (born 16 December 1976), commonly known by his online alias Ashens (), is a British comedian, animator, actor and online reviewer of various products, which are usually video games, toys, and food. The items he reviews are often of low quality or are poor knockoffs of well-received products. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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