Ashens and the Quest for the Gamechild Page #6

A little bit wider.

I can't look at this, I'm not looking, Stu!

Now, with your right arm, pat your head.

Like this?

That's it.

Keep going, it's good!

Calm down!

Calm down!

Keep going.

I can't!

There's nothing there!

I thought I was going to die!

Yeah, you always were gullible.

Come on, let's get this thing.

Stuart, it's-

It's the Game Child!

It's the Game Child.

What's that?!

Stuart, I'm sorry!

What's happening? What are you doing?!

So what's a Game Child when it's at home?

I had it! I had it in my hands!

I know!

I don't understand!

How did they know we were there?!

I don't know, we must have tripped an alarm or something.

They couldn't possibly have got there that quick though!

I don't know!!!

What's gotten into you?!

Nothing's gotten to me! Nothing! I'm fine!

You've been bailed.

Excellent!

Just him.

What?

Ashley? What the hell are you doing here?!

And what are you doing with that prat?!

Idiot!

Stewie! Nice to see you again!

How long has it been?

What, since you slept with the Professor, dumped me, and disappeared?

About ten years, five months, and two days.

Oh, Stewie...

It's Stuart! Not Stewie. I always hated "Stewie".

Fine, Stuart.

First off, Nemesis and I, we're... Friends.

Nemesis... That's a ridiculous name!

I told you! It's pronounced "Nee Mah Si"!

Stress the "I"!

It's Japanese!

Yes!

And more importantly,

your friend Geoff here,

he works for me.

I'm really sorry, Stuart.

They gave me my old job back.

I just couldn't say no.

You bastard!

You ridiculous, fake chef, bastard.

You can't even cook!

A true Chef doesn't need to know how to cook, or boil water, or-

And your friend, Marian.

Well, she also works for me now.

Fine. What has all this got to do with me?

You still haven't worked it out?

We want the Game Child.

I always thought your obsession with the Game Child was so childish!

If only I had known.

But Daddy enlightened me.

Oh, your father, yeah...

Yeah the great man who spent the last half of his life in a straight jacket.

And he never told you that you were pretty when you were a little girl.

Tragic.

I'm over that!

We couldn't find the Game Child.

But I knew you could.

You just needed a little encouragement.

So it was you who send the magazine with that text.

Everybody leave.

I want to be alone with Stuart.

Idiot!

I'm really... So sorry...

Ashens... And Ashley...

I always found that rather amusing.

Yeah, and you always were easily amused.

We did have fun back then.

Young love, and all that.

But I won't lie to you Stuart.

You were just a stepping stone.

In my youth, I was a bit... Insensitive.

But who would have known that spending time with little old you,

would reveal the importance of the Game Child!

The Game Child is inherently worthless.

Oh, Stuart. Even worthless things have their uses sometimes.

Oh, and by the way, it was me all those years ago,

who told the university about my affair with the Professor.

Oopsie.

Do you mind?!

Sorry.

Goodbye, Stuart.

Enjoy your stay.

Man! That is one crazy broad!

You're not wrong.

Oh my God...

Are you who I think you are?!

Maybe?

You're the guy who does the comedy thing!

Yeah... Yeah that's me.

Oh my God!!!

I love you!

You're so funny, with your weird sense of humour!

Thanks, thanks, yeah...

You okay? You seem a bit down.

Sorry, yeah, I just had a really bad couple of days.

Do you want to tell me about it.

I don't know, just sometimes I wonder why I bother.

You can't be like that! Not you!

Thousands of people cherish your work, and all the hilarious things you make!

You're a hero of mine...

Really?!

Hell, yeah!

Look, I know some people don't understand why you do what you do,

but that's no reason to give up!

Keep on going!

Do it for your fans!!!

Yeah!

Yeah, you're right!

People have always doubted me, and it's never stopped me before!

Why should it stop me now?!

Thanks anonymous stranger, you've been extremely helpful.

Oh my God, no problem!!!

Glad I could help!!!

You're not going to believe this!

Guess who I just met!

Guess!

Who?!

I just met Simon Pegg!!!

I know!!!

Citizen!

Get in the car, citizen. You're not safe here.

Oh, no that's fin-

Get in the back of the car!

Your very life hangs in the balance, my friend.

Quickly!

Woo! Dodged a bullet there, mate.

Really? How?

Lot of weirdos around here, my friend.

We've been beaten up in that alleyway, just there.

Why did you keep going back?

Five times.

By the same old lady.

It was kind of hot!

Need a lift anywhere then, mate?

Uh... yeah, that's why I got in the car.

I'm going to the headquarters of the Terrifically Good Company.

Are you going to the old industrial estate?

Well, I dunno, we're pretty-

Sure are, big balls!

... Thanks, thanks... So are you two off

to a fancy dress party or something?

What? No!

- We're Knighthood and Decoy!

- Britain's best super heroes!

Britain's only super heroes!

Why, are you going to a party?!

Oh, God no.

I hate parties. I'm actually on a mission at the moment.

Ooh...

That's a shame. We love parties.

# Everybody does!

# Make love to the music!

# And-

Don't, don't ever, make love to the music.

Sorry.

Here we are, sugar-tits.

... Thanks...

You know, you really shouldn't do this mission of yours alone.

Very Dangerous.

Yeah, I've been thinking about that a lot recently.

Thanks, ever so much for the lift. Very kind.

Take these.

Thanks.

And this.

Never know when that's going to come in handy.

Probably for tying something, or someone up.

And making objects far away seem nearer than they are, but it's up to you.

Well, thanks, that's very kind of you.

And here!

Jesus!

Have this.

It's a complimentary Limited Edition Knighthood and Decoy Cheese Knife.

That's great, great.

Remember...

"Cut the cheese, with Knighthood and Decoy!"

Catchy...

Thank you for the culinary utensils.

No worries.

You're a sweet, sweet man. Take care.

Good luck with the Mish!

Nice guy.

Very nice! Very nice.

Didn't leave a tip, though.

Yeh, like petrol is free.

I gave him a cheese knife.

Yeah, but that's merchandise.

That's marketing.

Yeah, so he'll remember us.

Everytime he cuts the cheese.

You shouldn't have come here, Stuart.

Oh look, it's Chef Judas!

A true Chef knows how to stab his friends in the back!

You just couldn't let it go, could you?!

You couldn't stand to see my name in lights!

What?

Enough!

Give me that.

What are you doing?

I'm sorry, Stuart.

Drop your weapons. I said drop them!

Put your hands up! I said down! Get Down!

So it was all a trick then?

Yeah... Yeah it was uhh... Just a ruse to help us on our quest-

I mean on our-

No.

No, it wasn't, Stuart. I did betray you.

I'm sorry, I just really wanted my old life back.

But when I finally had it, I realised I didn't need it anymore.

It's alright, it's been good having you along,

and I know I haven't exactly been the best friend.

Thanks, Stuart.

Oh, God. I forgot! They've got Marian.

Yeah, she's working with-

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