Assassination of a High School President Page #4

Where were you that night?

You think it's that easy?

You think l can just tell you where l was

and it's gonna set it all straight?

l mean, take a look around you, Funke!

l'm screwed now no matter what l say.

So then just tell me the truth.

lf you didn't do it, l'm all you got.

And you only got me

for one more minute, so spill it!

Come on.

Last year l did some things

on the basketball court

l'm not exactly proud of.

Like what?

Shaving points. Twice last season.

lt was two times too many.

l only did it because l needed the money.

What for?

lt doesn't matter.

When l was approached this year,

l turned them down.

We had a shot at State.

l wasn't going to mess that up

for my senior year.

So this person who approached you,

you think that he may have set you up?

l don't know. Maybe.

Give me his name. What's his name, Moore?

Look, if you don't get cooperative,

l can't help you!

You've got to give me his name, now!

You got to start thinking with your head!

You know the amount of power

that comes with the presidency!

Everybody wants a piece of me!

All right, time's up, Funke.

You're getting the animals all riled up.

What's his name, Moore?

Look, l said time's up.

- Give me his name.

- Come on. Come on.

- What's his name?

- Freddy Bismark.

Where do l find him? Moore!

Bobby Funke,

please report to the office immediately

- Hello?

-Robert Funke?

Hey, yeah.

Well, actually it's pronounced "Funk".

No, it's not This is Ben Striedel,

Northwestern University

I'm fact-checking your story here, chief

It's not bad Not exactly good, either

Excuse me?

So we're going to need

the following from you

Transcriptions of your interviews

A bibliography, MLA style match

Your notes Pretty much anything

pertaining to your story

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.

l'm just going to need some time

to get it together.

So can l get your number or something?

No

Wait! What? Hello?

I had to find Freddy Bismark

And there was one place

I knew I could track down

even the most elusive characters

lt's freaky, isn't it?

And apparently, they just got results

back from the ACTs.

Some of our best and brightest bombed it.

Really?

You see Shamus Finnle over there?

- His teeth are chattering.

- lt's probably from the Prylert.

Really? l didn't know

that Shamus had ADD.

For a reporter, you're really out of the loop.

Half the school is taking Prylert right now,

or Axitol or Ripenol, maybe Faldox.

All just nice words for speed.

lf a kid needs a study aid,

he'll find a way to get one.

Shamus Finnle.

Supply and demand, son.

I found Freddy Bismark

where all high-school graduates

go on to live in infamy

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words,

but his senior quote

is worth a goddamn encyclopedia

"Dolla dolla bills, y'all!"

You're not supposed to be looking at that.

lt's called study hall

because you're supposed to study.

What are you, a cop?

l'm looking for the business.

And no, no, you cannot pay me back

on your meal card.

l need cash. This is a business l'm running.

l know it's your bar mitzvah money,

but l have to take it.

You lost the bet.

Yes.

l will take... Yes, l'll a check!

But if it bounces, l'm coming after you.

This is real stuff. You owe me 20 bucks!

Goodbye.

l'm sorry, we're closed for the semester.

No more pledges.

l'm here about Paul Moore.

Suck it!

Let me explain something to you.

l don't know thing one about Paul Moore.

His name means nothing to me.

l have kids on over half the teams

on this district.

And those pill poppers

are begging me to throw games.

And if l had to go out

and personally frame each one

that didn't want to brick a lay-up for me,

l wouldn't have time

to spend the money that l make.

And as you can see,

l like spending the money that l make!

l mean, look around.

That painting is from the 16th Chapel.

That's the first chapel ever.

So what was the money for?

Oh, my God!

l'm going to slap you in the face.

l don't know. He was having girl problems!

What's that supposed to mean?

He was having problems with girls. All right?

Come on, for a fellow Friar.

No! Not for a fellow Friar.

For you to get the f*** out of here!

Okay. lt was some chick from McKinley.

That's all l know.

Now, l'll see you, little man.

Don't hurt yourselves.

If Freddy Bismark didn't frame Paul,

then maybe the girl problem was behind it

There's the old wise guy.

Elliot.

Those pubes come in yet?

You still eating your mom's dirty tampons?

Only when I'm hungry

So as l was saying on the phone,

l managed to implicate

our school president in a sordid theft

and in the process steal his girlfriend.

- So what's the problem?

- B*tch.

l'm not so sure the guy did it anymore.

Have you ever seen this guy around?

Yeah, that's Valerie's boyfriend.

You're dating Valerie?

The plot thickens, Elliot.

l get it, peach fuzz.

You think maybe l got tired

of being Paul's little plaything?

Thought l'd teach him a lesson?

lt wasn't like that.

What do you mean?

Paul and l had something real, okay?

He could be himself around me.

So what was the money for, then?

That's got nothing to do with anything.

Look, Valerie,

if Paul's innocent,

then you can help him by helping me.

Okay.

Ready for the after-school special

they call my life?

l owed money to some unpleasant people.

They were ready to collect on me

as interest.

Paul wouldn't stand for it.

Someone tells him about Freddy Bismark.

Paul has two off nights.

My debt goes away.

Paul threw two games for you.

He would've thrown the entire season

if l'd asked him to.

Valerie was another dead end

If Paul was keeping her a secret,

I wondered

what else he was holding back on

I know that some of you kids know

that I fought in Desert Storm

And you know why? I fought for you kids,

and I fought for this country

and this school!

For St Donovan's!

It's no joke!

Sometimes, I don't know,

I can get carried away,

but I wrote this song last night

and I want you to sing it with me

If you want, you can sing it,

you can march, yeah!

Come on, kids, sing it with me!

What's going on?

Kirkpatrick's on some school-spirit rampage.

He canceled a. m. classes

to have a pep rally.

Merci, Kirkpatrick.

You can sing if you want

You can march if you want!

Moore.

And on that note, St Donovan's

Marlon Piazza

For far too long

we have stood as a school divided

Today let us stand together

Let us create a better tomorrow

As I stand here today

I don't see freshman or sophomores

I see Friars!

Marlon, can you hear me?

lt's a paintball, you p*ssy!

This way! This way, children!

l'm hit! l'm hit!

Moore!

l'm going to go to the vending machine

for some pretzels.

Do you want anything from downstairs?

How about a bandage?

Forget it.

Nurse Platt's phone.

Just got word your boy shot some kids

How does that sit with the facts

of your story, I'd like to ask, Funke?

Striedel, how the hell did you...

I have not Yes, yes

I have not received your notes

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