Auntie Mame Page #10

- Now, Mrs. Upson...

- Doris, dear.

Doris, dear.

Well, you must call me Mame.

Mamie.

Mame.

Well, Mamie old girl,

here's your poison.

I use a secret ingredient I learned

from a native in Havana, Cuba.

You'll never guess what

that secret ingredient is.

I'll say this much, there's no sugar

in a Claude Upson daiquiri.

And yet it's so sweet.

Whatever do you use?

Chocolate ice cream?

Say, that's rich!

Did you hear that, Doris?

Chocolate ice cream!

Since you're practically one of the

family, I'll let you in on my secret.

Honey.

I beg pardon?

Strained honey. That's the secret.

Of course, I use quite

a little rum too.

Now, Mamie, I've made these

especially for you, dear.

Oh, my! Don't they look delicious?

Well, well, well.

What are they?

I put two cans of tuna fish

through the meat grinder...

...then add clam juice

and peanut butter.

It's a recipe from

Ladies' Home Journal.

These are plain Jack

cheese and chutney.

Now, sit you down, Mamie.

I've something special to show you.

Baby pictures of Gloria?

The whole family, more or less.

On a bear rug. Isn't that precious?

Better not let Patrick see that one.

That's Miss Tuttail,

Little Glory's first school teacher.

I think the light

was hurting her eyes.

Enough of this girly-girly talk.

Since we have Mamie here,

we ought to let her know the plans.

- Plans?

- For Patrick's career.

Dwight Babcock and I

have that coordinated.

After the honeymoon,

I want Patrick to choose.

I can slip him into a berth on Madison

Avenue or a seat on the stock exchange.

A seat and a berth...

Pardon me. I'm so sorry.

Mamie, you're a pretty fast drinker.

Don't worry, I'm way ahead of you.

- You don't happen to like gin, do you?

- I adore it.

After dinner,

we'll get out the cards and play.

Now we come to the problem of the

wedding present. I have that settled.

Now, here's my idea, Mamie:

Why don't you and I get together

and buy the newlyweds that?

- What?

- That lot, right next door.

Wouldn't that make a wedding present?

We could take out this wall

and join our patios.

You couldn't tell where one left off.

You wouldn't be losing a daughter.

You'd be gaining a patio.

We gotta work fast. There's

people bidding on that property.

The wrong kind.

A fellow named Epstein.

Abraham Epstein.

The cellist? How lucky you are.

All that glorious music next door!

And she's a darling.

I guess you don't understand

quite how it is here.

This section is restricted

only up to our property line.

We feel we have an obligation

to make sure...

Well, you know.

I'll tell you what. I'll buy it

and we'll divvy it up 50-50.

You won't have to worry about a thing.

My, my, my.

You've thought of everything,

haven't you?

Laid out Patrick's career.

Planned the wedding.

Even chosen my gift.

Well, I guess there's only

one thing left for me to do.

What's that?

When you get back from Prickly Pines,

I'll give an intimate family dinner.

Well, how about that?

Say, you're a good scout, Mamie.

By golly, you're top drawer!

Well, that's a very

interesting design...

...but are you sure you planned it

with that end up?

That is the beauty of it, madam.

It can be used upside down.

Just leave it outside, please.

I'm so sorry.

You must be Patrick Dennis.

Guilty. Are you guilty of all of this?

I'm not the decorator. I'm your

aunt's secretary, Pegeen Ryan.

- How do you do?

- Hello.

I'm sorry, I didn't know.

I was away all summer.

A lot of changes here.

Leave it to Auntie Mame.

- Where'd she get this stuff?

- It's the only set in the universe.

It's made by the famous

Danish designer, Yul Uhlu.

Who?

Yul Uhlu.

Say that to the right fella

and you'll get kissed.

Incidentally, congratulations.

I hear you're getting married.

A week from next Tuesday.

The old ball and chain.

I wish I had said that. Or,

"The first 100 years are the hardest."

Good one. How about,

"Marriage is a great institution"?

"Yeah, but who wants

to be in an institution?"

Well, that's enough of that.

Patrick. Patrick, my little love!

I'm glad to see you. Did you have

a good time at Upson Pines?

I had a wonderful time.

What is the idea of...?

- Not now. I have to go to Montebank.

- They adored you but...

I'm so relieved. I want everything

to be extra special tonight...

...and give the Upsons

as cozy a time as they gave me.

- Now, Pegeen, dear...

- I forgot the horror.

- Will someone help me with the ladder?

- Of course.

Fish food. Where's the fish food?

Oh, dear, dear, dear.

Don't nibble on the hors d'oeuvres.

You'll get fat.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Burnside.

I try to do exactly as you say.

Come and get it.

Come along, come along.

You're so wonderful.

Nobody else would've taken me in,

an outcast of society.

I'm grateful! You've given me a new

interest, now that I'm losing Patrick.

- I wish I had someone to look after.

- You will, dear, you will.

- Where do you want this set up?

- Right there will be fine.

- What's that supposed to be?

- You don't like it?

It might be a little avant-garde

for the Upsons.

Take it right down.

I want everything to be perfect.

- I think it's very unusual.

- Agnes! What is she doing here?

- Where else, in her condition?

- The Upsons will not understand.

- Perhaps they won't notice.

- Won't notice?

They're here. They're here.

- Help me get this down.

- Help her, darling.

- Leave it. Get the ladder out of here.

- Norah, lto, somebody answer the door!

- I'll get it.

- No, you don't!

- He's right. Go and stay in your room.

- But what will I do?

Sleep, knit, start making up names:

Rudolph, Abigail, Beulah, anything.

Welcome to the Burnside fireside.

How I have looked forward

to this evening! Come in.

- And Claude.

- Good to see you, Mamie!

- And little Glory.

- I'm so pleased to see you again.

Yes, dear.

Say!

My, my, my, my, my!

- Hi, everybody.

- Well, hello, son.

Patrick.

- Gloria.

- I made up a joke on the way up.

Listen to this:

Why is an elevator man's job

like my place in Connecticut?

- Give up?

- Almost.

I'll tell you. Because it has

its ups and down.

You get it? Upson Downs!

- Clever. Clever.

- Oh, well.

- Do sit down.

- Thank you.

Doris, you're not comfortable.

These are all marvelously adjustable.

This is the master control.

Each chair has its cord.

Now, let me see, Doris.

You are number four. Now, here we go.

So sorry, Claude, you are number four.

Doris, you must be number five.

Patrick, you're confusing me.

Doris, here you are. Five, going up.

There we go.

Isn't it wonderful?

So easy to sweep under.

Claude, here we go. Hang on

to your seat belts. Down we go.

My, what supple legs you have.

You must have studied yoga.

Here are the drinks.

So sorry, Doris dear.

Going down to the main floor.

Cigars, cigarettes, lingerie, hardware.

Well, now, Patrick.

And little Glory.

And here's Uncle Dwight.

- Claude.

- Dwight!

Well, how are you?

- Mr. Babcock.

- Mrs. Burnside.

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