Austenland Page #6

They're just stupid sketches.

Who's that?

Exactly.

I'm sorry.

They're not all like that.

No, no. It's a...

It's a fair likeness.

No apologies needed.

It is curious, however,

that there are more

of me than anyone else.

I guess I've been trying to

figure you out without much luck.

Surely you've come

to some conclusions.

You're the resident

Mr. Darcy.

Come on,

you're every girl's fantasy.

So I'm your fantasy?

You play your

character very well.

Right.

Shall we rehearse, then?

Yes.

Roger.

Are they acting?

I don't know what's real

or what's not anymore.

I mean, what if

she actually is...

In love with him?

Well, don't you think it's possible

to confuse truth with fantasy?

I mean, what's gonna happen

when the theatrical is over?

Well, it's a dangerous

kind of game to play.

Don't you think, in their case

anyway, those feelings that,

you know, that they

can run deeper and...

Oh, my.

If you'd have asked me a

week ago, I'd have said no.

Miss Erstwhile.

Yes.

You're shivering.

Thank you.

Ladies, remember

to wear your corsets nice and tight.

Jane, hey.

Martin.

Where are the other guests?

In their private whist lesson.

It's part of

the Platinum package.

I can't say that

I miss that perk.

Stage curtain.

Right. Right.

I'll let you get to it, then.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

lam Aphrodite, the goddess.

Often fickle in my large arse.

Largesse.

Largesse.

I see some mortals there.

Yes, two in love,

yet in despair.

Prithee, fair maid.

Have thou seen my lost lamb?

Nay. Perhaps you

should listen for its bleat.

Bleat. Bleat.

Go not to Athens, I pray thee,

or my heart will truly break.

In faith and troth, I

have no time to love...

Can't hear you.

No, no, no, louder.

What?

Louder.

Speak up!

In faith and troth, I have

no time to love a lady.

War is my mistress.

Line?

I write poems of love.

I write poems of love

that no fair maid hears.

And I am shedding tears

that fall to the ground

but do not maketh

a sound like the land...

You're rubbish. Get off

the stage, you wanker.

Really!

Philistines!

I shall make

everything all righty

because I am

the beautiful Aphrodite.

Can I pray thee, stranger,

make me thy wife.

I seek no marriage

but the cleavage...

Cleaving of my sword

on mine enemy's flesh.

Then I shall die this day.

Thou cur.

You break this lady's heart,

I will break your head.

Get an ice pack.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Get on with it.

Sorry.

What a...

I've fallen upon my sword.

Is that blood upon your breast?

Alas, lam for the grave.

Then let me hold you

as long as your breath lasts.

It's as if I have never known

you before this moment.

And nought else matters

in this world but you

and how my heart beats for you.

I love you.

You need to die, Nobley.

Sorry. Sorry.

No, we are all dead.

No!

And they all died forever.

All dead forever.

Shut up, Fartwright.

Oh!

Bravo. Bravo!

Mrs. Wattlesbrook,

you're a genius.

Such talent.

Lady Heartwright, you make

such a beautiful corpse.

You!

You know,

I was aiming for your cans,

but they're such

a small target.

Oh!

I'll never see again.

It's okay, my baby.

Let's get out of here.

Come on.

You great,

big beautiful door

Come on.

This way.

Why are we running?

Because man and

woman should never

be alone unless

they are in motion.

And what do the rules of

etiquette say about being alone

in your bedroom?

Right.

I should probably let you go before

one of us gets into trouble.

I really had so

much fun tonight.

So did I.

Miss Erstwhile?

Yes, Mr. Nobley?

Tomorrow evening...

Can I reserve the first

two dances with you?

Yes, Mr. Nobley.

Miss Erstwhile, will you

let me back in a moment?

When I look at you, I feel

certain of something.

Guess what?

What?

I'm wearing my favorite pair of

satin pink pantaloons just in case.

Oh, my God.

Look at that.

We're gonna be the prettiest

girls at the ball.

Have fun tonight, Amelia.

Oh.

You look so beautiful.

Piratey.

But like a beautiful pirate.

It's infected.

I'm so sorry.

Maybe we should go.

Ship's ahoy.

Baby?

It's okay, you look fine.

It looks terrible.

That does not look good.

I was hoping to dance

with a goddess tonight.

Lordy.

Smother me in butter

and drop me in a saucepan.

There she is.

My Venus de Milo.

Colonel Andrews.

Miss Charming.

Tally-ho.

I can't wait to

see your bedroom.

Hi.

Hey.

Wow, you look...

You look amazing.

Thank you.

You look very nice, too.

Topshop.

Where are all

these people from?

She's got everyone here, it's the

gardener, the maids, the servants.

That guy over there,

that's the taxidermist.

He's particularly creepy.

How is the baby horse?

He's good.

Yeah.

He's talking and all that.

Yeah. He was asking about you.

Really?

Yeah. He said,

"Where's Straw Girl?"

I made an impression, I'm sure.

Jane, I'm really into you.

And if you wanna get

out of here, I mean...

Miss Erstwhile?

Shall we?

Shall we?

Yes.

You're stunning.

Really?

You all right?

I'm fine. And you?

Are you having fun?

I'm taking an inordinate amount

of pleasure from this evening.

You're so light on your

feet, you look like a nutcracker.

But none of it from the ball.

I think you just

complimented me.

Jane, I need to

tell you something.

I'm not meant to say

or do these things,

my aunt would kill me, but...

You are my sun and my moon.

My earth and my stars.

Marry me.

Marry you? Oh, my God,

of course I will.

Oh, God, I love you.

I love you.

You make me the happiest

man alive, dear Amelia,

if you'd be my wife.

Oh, George.

Jane.

Remember our first night?

Something about bad first

impressions comes to mind.

I know your opinion

of me was horrible.

I was horrible.

I was nervous.

I felt out of place

and I certainly

didn't intend on

falling in love, but...

I have.

I can't imagine leaving

this place without you.

Please,

tell me if I have any hope.

I didn't realize...

This is how I'd

feel at this part.

Feel what?

You were right, this is a

dangerous kind of game.

I don't wanna play anymore.

What do you want?

I want something real.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Hey.

Do you still

wanna get out of here?

Yeah.

Sorry.

Good night, Your Majesty.

I didn't think I was touching

you inappropriately.

Well, you did.

And if we're to be together,

you must never ever do

anything like that ever again,

if we're to be together.

Even Prudence is getting some.

Are you ready?

Yes.

So Wattlesbrook got Nobley

to propose to me tonight.

Yeah. Classic.

Yup.

Is that when you

walked out? Just...

Man, what a tart.

Ah.

I have to admit his character

was pretty dreamy.

Yeah.

I wouldn't marry him.

Mainly because

he's got bad knees.

Bad knees?

Did he mention his knees?

I'm an even bigger nerd

than I thought, though.

I mean, there were

actual moments

when I really did

believe it was real.

Don't feel bad. I mean, Wattlesbrook

hires the best actors around.

Yeah.

And...

Some of her clients, you know,

aren't half bad either.

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