Austenland Page #7

I'm so glad you're

outside of the fantasy.

Makes it easier to

walk away from it all.

You know my

flight leaves tomorrow,

but I could see if

I could change it.

Stay a few extra

days in London.

That's an offer I...

I'm not gonna refuse.

I fancy seeing you in...

I don't know,

some trousers or...

Do you wear anything

less 1800s, ever?

Do you?

Yeah, I do the short shorts.

Please bring

soiled petticoats and undergarments...

Jane.

Lizzie.

Are you off?

I'm off.

I'm packing up.

Hey, you know,

I wanted to say just...

Thanks for everything.

And I made this for you.

All the sewing we did.

That's beautiful.

I think she's way prettier

than me, don't you think?

That's really

great needlepoint.

So what are you gonna do now?

I thought I would stay on

and check out all

the new recruits.

You know, make sure that

all of them know that

Colonel Andrews is taken.

And then I thought I would

ask Miss Wattlesbrook

if I can buy the place.

You should.

I know. I think I should.

Lizzie, you know, I think...

I think that Colonel Andrews...

I think he...

That he might be...

Perfect for you.

Jane, thank you.

I was so afraid you were gonna

say you thought he was gay.

Adieu.

Farewell.

God, that was

the best time so far.

Except for the eye gouging.

You're not British?

Yeah, I know, right?

Well, that's what two years of

private drama tutoring will get you.

You ended up

with Nobley, right?

He was such a bore,

but, you know...

He did a good job

of being into you.

He asked me to pretend

your cell phone was mine.

It's so sad when

the trip is over, but,

frankly, lam dying

for a massage.

My husband's old.

Very old.

And I trust you

discovered rewarding

romance with one

of the gentlemen?

Actually, there was someone,

but not Mr. Nobley,

as you may have intended.

My dear, Henry was

never meant for you.

No, his job was to take care

of Lady Heartwright

until George East

finished his little show.

No, Martin was scripted for you

right from the very beginning.

No, but he's...

Martin's a servant.

Well, you've seen my servants.

I had to take him out just for a

little while because things were

steaming up.

But I had every confidence

that he could woo you back.

And your timing

was very fortunate.

Most of the ladies just

get a litter of kittens.

The foal is the showstopper.

The foal?

I trust you would like

to be on your way, Jane?

More than ever.

Are you upset?

No, not at all.

And please don't take it

personally when I shut you down.

Shut me down?

I wasn't the first guest

Mr. Wattlesbrook assaulted, was I?

I should be able to find

other complaints in no time.

But...

Bright eyes

Every now and then

I fall apart

Wow, Nobley, eh?

Tied your cravat just a wee

bit too tight, didn't you?

To be honest, I can't believe

you didn't get Jane.

I mean, she was...

She was anyone's.

Whoa!

Mad dog over there.

Colonel Andrews speaking.

Yes.

Yes, no. I'll tell

him right away. Yes.

Yes. Yes, you have a good day.

Of course. Bye-bye.

Martin, that was the old girl

back at the house.

Appears you're

still on the clock.

You're to go to the airport and

smooth some ruffled feathers pronto.

No rest for the gorgeous.

Hi. No luggage. No.

This is

a passenger announcement.

Can Jane Erstwhile please

report to the information desk?

That's Jane Erstwhile

to the information desk.

Hi, I think they...

Jane. Hey.

I'm really sorry

you didn't know, okay?

I'd still like to spend

the night together. Yeah?

You are an actor!

Hey. Hey, but...

But you're desperately

in love with me anyway?

And these sudden passionate feelings

that sent you running after me

have nothing to do with

Mrs. Wattlesbrook's fear

that I'm gonna report

her delinquent husband?

Of course not. Okay?

Right.

I know it all seems shady,

but romances

have bloomed on stonier ground.

Did Wattlesbrook write that line?

Because we know you didn't.

Okay, she wrote the line. Okay?

Right.

But I'm the one

standing here saying it.

Jane!

Jolly good, the prefect's

here to save the day.

You can't believe

anything he's said.

I've only just realized now that

Martin was assigned to you.

I know. I... Yeah.

She knows, so...

So, what are you doing here?

It's just that

I don't think you understand

that I'm not

what you think I am.

I have fallen for you.

Right.

My aunt was an actor, sure.

She's an odd woman, I know,

but she was desperate.

What I'm saying is

that your first week

at the manor was

my first week, too.

I'm not an actor.

Don't listen to him, Janey.

Don't call me Janey!

You were paid to kiss me.

As far as you are concerned,

lam Miss Erstwhile.

I mean, it's so embarrassing.

What, do you keep

a supply of pregnant horses

just laying

around or something?

What?

You're not a vet!

I did a biology

class at school.

Come on, you were acting, too.

Look, before you go

and make your report,

you should know, gorgeous,

that what we had was real.

No, you didn't. What we

had was real. Didn't we?

Surely you felt it seeping through

all these costumes and pretense?

He's still acting.

It's all part of his act.

See the costume?

He's an actor.

You're just jealous,

aren't you?

Because my aunt

would rather bring in

a complete novice

than move some

Kiwi actor up to the big house.

You're not British either?

It's part of the Commonwealth.

Couldn't you get

a job on The Hobbit?

That's it, Shakespeare.

No!

You guys.

Just... Don't actually,

actually strangle him.

Okay. All right, all right.

Take that, England.

Careful of my shirt!

That's my foot!

Okay, okay.

No, no, no. I'm...

Stop! No.

No! It is over.

I am done with all of this!

That felt good. I should have

done that a long time ago.

Yeah.

Excuse me.

Did you hear that, England?

I am officially over it!

Southwest Airlines

flight SA435 now boarding at Gate 20.

That's my cue to exit.

Boys,

it has been a pleasure.

Thank you for

that and I'm sorry.

Look, Jane, Jane, Jane, wait, wait.

Hey, I never lied to you.

It doesn't even matter

that you weren't real.

You were perfect. Thank you.

Somewhere there's a light

That meets a shoreless tide

But I guess I'm resigned

To never seeing mine

I never lied

All these teenage dreams

Put them all aside

They hurt like kryptonite

And you lost a piece of me

You're back?

Hello to you, too.

I'm coming over.

All right,

I'll see you in a minute.

That was quick. Come on in.

Do you want some tea?

Love a cup, thank you.

What are you doing here?

Well...

You left this.

Thanks.

You could've mailed it.

I...

I could have.

You're right.

What was I thinking?

Wait a minute. Hey.

You know, I'm not

gonna report your aunt.

So it was a little overkill

to send you all the way here.

She didn't send me.

Mr. Nobley, or whoever

you actually are.

My name is Henry.

It's Henry Nobley.

I'm a history professor.

Oh.

That's really nice.

I used to think my aunt's

profession was somewhat grotesque,

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