Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery Page #3

ANDY WARHOL:

Austin Powers? Hi, I'm Andy Warhol.

AUSTIN:

Hey, how are you?

ANDY WARHOL:

Hungry.

AUSTIN:

Here, have this can of Campbell's

Tomato Soup.

Austin hands Andy a can of soup.

ANDY WARHOL:

I'm going to paint this can of soup

and become famous and not give you

any credit for it.

AUSTIN:

If you can become famous, everyone

will have their fifteen minutes of

fame, man.

ANDY WARHOL:

"Fifteen minutes of fame?" I'm going

to use that quote and not give you

any credit for that, either.

AUSTIN:

Smashing!

FULL SCREEN INSERT

Andy Warhol's famous Soup Can painting.

INT. ELECTRIC PSYCHEDELIC PUSSYCAT SWINGER'S CLUB

HER MAJESTY, THE QUEEN is giving Austin a Victoria's Cross

like the Lyndon Johnson scene in Forrest Gump. Behind them,

are two COLDSTREAM GUARDS and the DUKE OF EDINBURGH.

QUEEN:

Austin Powers, Britain owes you a

debt of gratitude.

Austin gives a cheeky look to Mrs. Kensington.

QUEEN:

I understand you were wounded. Where

were you hit?

AUSTIN:

In the but-tocks.

QUEEN:

That must be a sight. I'd kind of

like to see that.

Austin turns around, drops his pants, and shows his wounded

bum (matching Gump's) to the queen.

The queen walks away.

QUEEN:

(laughing)

Nice buttocks.

In the line-up we also see FOREST GUMP. He has to pee very

badly.

MRS. KENSINGTON

We've got to find Dr. Evil!

AUSTIN:

Wait, I've got an idea.

He PUNCHES a PRETTY MOD GIRL in the face, knocking her out

cold.

EVERYONE:

Ohhh!

MRS. KENSINGTON

Austin, why in God's name did you

strike that woman?

AUSTIN:

That ain't no woman! It's a man,

man. It's one of Dr. Evil's assassins.

Austin pulls off the mod girl's wig. She is a MALE ASSASSIN.

The assassin comes to and leaps to his feet.

Mrs. Kensington knocks his feet from under him. The assassin

hits the ground and pulls out a dagger. Mrs. Kensington kicks

the knife out of his hand and Austin gets him in a head-lock

from behind.

AUSTIN:

Where's Doctor Evil?

ANGLE ON:
A FINGER WITH DR. EVIL'S INSIGNIA ON IT.

The finger pulls the trigger of a spear gun. The assassin

falls forward. A spear protrudes from his back.

Austin sees Dr. Evil as he runs through a door. They give

chase.

INT. CLUB - BACK ROOM

They enter. Dr. Evil climbs into an egg chair.

AUSTIN:

I've got you again, Dr. Evil!

The chair fills with a WHITE MIST.

DR. EVIL

(unseen, through mist)

Not this time. Come, Mr. Bigglesworth!

(calling out)

See you in the future, Mr. Powers!

Before the doors close, the white CAT jumps in the egg chair.

A sign on the egg reads "CRYOGENIC FREEZING BEGINNING."

MRS. KENSINGTON

My God! He's freezing himself.

Austin begins FIRING at the egg chair. The ceiling opens up

and the egg rises through the opening. Everything begins to

RUMBLE. Rocket exhaust pours out of the ceiling.

EXT. ROOF - NIGHT

The Bob's Big Boy rocket begins to LIFT OFF.

EXT. CLUB - SIDEWALK - NIGHT

PEOPLE outside the club react to the rocket.

EXT. EARTH FROM SPACE

The Bob's Big Boy rocket leaves the atmosphere. Mr.

Bigglesworth is pressed to the window like one of those

stuffed Garfields.

DR. EVIL (V.O.)

(shivering)

I'll be back, Mr. Powers, when free

love is dead, and greed and avarice

once again rule the world.

EXT. NORAD - COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO

GRAPHIC:
1997 - NORAD - COLORADO SPRINGS THIS SCENE IS SHOT

IN THE MULTIPLE SPLIT SCREEN STYLE, LIKE THE THOMAS CROWN

AFFAIR:

FULL SCREEN - INT. NORAD TRACKING ROOM

A BLIP appears on the radar screen.

RADAR OPERATOR:

(on phone)

Commander Gilmour?

SPLIT SCREEN 2 - INT. COMMANDER GILMOUR'S OFFICE

COMMANDER GILMOUR, a distinguished man in his fifties.

RADAR OPERATOR:

(on phone)

Commander, this is Slater in SoWest

Com Three. We have a potential bogey

with erratic vectoring and an

unorthodox entry angle.

COMMANDER GILMOUR

(on phone)

Is it one of ours?

RADAR OPERATOR:

No. Log Com Bird Twelve says its

metalurg recon analysis is a standard

alloy, not stealthy, not carbon-

composite.

(pause)

It does have an odd shape, sir.

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