Austin Powers in Goldmember Page #5

can't talk. Listen, I think Dr Evil treated him badly

And that's why he decided to help us.

I'm sure Austin and Mini-Me will get along famously.

I guarantee nothing will happen

to Mini-Me on my watch.

I think he and Austin will be united in their

commitment to the mission of stopping Dr Evil.

Austin, there you are.

I've come to tell you the good news.

Mini-Me has switched sides.

Sorry about that old chap.

Welcome aboard.

My Mole-stake. What was that? Listen just get it

out of your system. No I'm fine. I insist.

Mole! Bloody Mole! We're not supposed to talk about

the bloody mole, but there's a bloody mole

Winking me in the face. I'm gonna chop

it off and make some guacamole.

Better?

So you've decided to join us Mini-Me?

Welcome to the good side my mini brother.

And thank you for the map

of Dr Evil's sub.

What's this? It says, Dr Evil's tractor beam is now

complete. There's not much time. Dr Evil must pay.

You are so beautiful. Are you a clone of an angel?

That is so sweet. No my mini man, I'm not.

Are you sure you don't have a little clone in you?

Yes I'm sure. would you like to?

That is so not funny.

Okay everyone, prepare to dive.

This spy car is also a submarine.

Get me the world organisation!

What is it Dr. Evil? Gentlemen, in a matter of hours

a meteor will crash into earth causing a global flood.

That is of course unless you pay

me 1 billion, zillion...yen.

I think you're bluffing. Perhaps you'd

like a demonstration? Nr 2, the key please.

Sir, Dr Evils not bluffing. One of

our satellites has fallen out of orbit.

Which one? It's the one

that looks like a pair of...

Melons! Big juicy melons! Are they

nice and firm? What do you think?

Look at that. It looks like a set of giant...

Hey, A and N you're late. How're we doin...

Go Titans! Check it out. Those remind me of...

B*obs. B*obs, Ozzy? These

filmmakers are just f***ing B*obs.

What do you mean dad? Well, they're using the same

f***ing joke as they did in the last Austin Powers movie.

What f***ing joke? You know. The f***ing joke about

the long smooth rocket that looks like some guys...

Johnson. Yes, sir? Any sign of

that satellite? No sir, it's gone.

Gentlemen, you have my demands. Peace out.

Cool baby, you look very switched on.

Thank you Austin.

No, Mini-Me, off! Bad! No humping!

Dr Evil, in light of the success of the device,

it is Japanese custom that I receive a bonus.

A bonus? That's good.

Throw me a freakin bonus here.

I haven't laughed that hard since I was a little girl.

Thank you. You're not joking?

No, in fact, if you don't give me

the bonus...

Hey, dad. Hey Scotty.

How are you sport?

Won't you let me take care of this?

He's got a good Evil laugh. Scotty! Scotty!

Scotty, take it down a notch. It's creepin a bit.

Let's go.

We'll need to disguise.

There's only one uniform. One of us

has to go on the other ones shoulders.

Hey there buddy, hows it going? Good to see ya.

How are you. Sorry about that. It's a good hat.

Come on Mini-Me, let's go.

Hold it right there mister.

Did you really think you could

get away with this? I did actually yes.

Every new recruit must have a physical.

Now get in here sailor.

I'm going to need a urine sample.

And here we go. Sorry.

Terrific.

Alright sailor, go behind that screen

and strip down to your underwear.

Alright then I'll just go to that screen.

Which is over there.

Come on, hurry the map.

Ok, what's our plan?

I'm going to need a urine sample.

Which way to the main chamber?

Excuse me doctor.

It's difficult in public isn't it?

Mini-Me our shadows.

we're casting a shadow.

What's wrong sailor?

You should check that guy out.

What the hell's going on in here?

Hands up.

You heard me, I said hands up.

Both of you

Come with me.

Mini-Me, the map! Go!

Okay, you got me.

Are you alright little man?

Right on.

Mr Powers.

Before I kill you, perhaps you'd like

to see the genius of my plan. Key please.

What the? Who? But how? Where?

Looking for this?

Mini-Me?

Alright, everyone drop your guns,

because Foxxy Cleopatra's in the sub.

Smashing Foxxy, yeah.

Alright Dr Evil. It's finally come

down to this. You, me and a gun.

What are you going to do now Austin?

Dad? What are you doing here?

I've got to finish this up once and for all.

I'm afraid you can't do that. I have to protect my son.

Dad, I'm fine.

I'm not talking about you.

I'm talking about him.

What? Dr Evil is

not your son. I am.

You both are.

What?

It was our first family holiday together.

Just as I was finishing a case

Your mother brought the two of you to Belgium.

I stopped to have a tinkle

When the car...

But my parents died in a car accident.

It was no accident.

It was an assassination attempt.

I thought only Austin survived. I should

have told you the truth earlier.

But those Belgians.

They made you so damn evil.

And of course they share

a border with the Dutch.

Very interesting story, Mr Powers. Of course I'm

gonna have to wait until I see all the facts. Daddy!

Daddy's here, Doggy. Doggy?

Doggy, remember doggy?

Dad, what's going on?

What are you going to do Austin?

Austin?

Are you sure you can trust Dr Evil?

He ain't heavy, he's my brother baby, yeah.

I should've told you this so long ago son.

I'm very proud of you.

Can you forgive me?

I forgive you dad.

Come on, first I'm not evil enough for you.

And now you're gonna turn good?

Listen Scott. You can spend your whole life

trying to win your parents acceptance.

Believe me. But at the end of the day,

you've just got do it for yourself, baby.

Austin.

What?

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I don't even

know you, but I hate you to. And I especially hate you!

You'll pay! You'll all pay!

I'd like to point out that no one else in my

gen pool runs like a girl.

Not so fast, smarty pants!

Dr Evil. You might not want

to destroy the world. But I do.

"Preparation H" goes ahead as planned.

I'm going to flood the earth!

Think again Goldmember. Foxxy Cleopatra. It's

a shame I had to kill your partner.

Too bad for you.

Too bad for me? How about too bad for you.

No!

Luckily I keep a spare.

Look everyone, my winky was a key.

Only a bloody Dutchman.

You mine, sucker!

Foxxy, I'm coming!

Nobody try anything stupid,

or the shooting begins.

Austin, take Doggy. I'll stay here

and be your back up.

Doggy, what do we do?

I'm not a real hands on evil genius.

Think! You were always the smart one. I could re-rout

the output capacitor to the tractor beam

From one of the condo wit boxes up there.

Come on, let's go.

The shooting begins.

You know Dr. Evil. I used to think you were crazy.

I know. But now I can see you're nuts. I thank you.

Well done Austin. He has saved the world again.

Thank you.

Austin, you did it. We did it.

Yeah baby!

No? Just trying it on.

Goldmember, you under arrest, sugar!

Hey, a**holes, do I have time for

a smoke and a pancake or what?

I'm from Holland, isn't that weird.

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