Austin Powers in Goldmember Page #4

You under arrest, sugar.

Okay, Fat Bastard, who's the Japanese

cat you made an exchange with?

His name is Roboto. He owns Roboto industries. He's

designing some contraption for Dr Evil, I don't know.

The tractor beam.

That's it.

Listen. Do you honestly think that crime can pay?

Well to be honest with you, I've been trying to go legit.

I really take my sumo wrestling seriously you know.

But when you're an over weight child in

a society that demands perfection.

Your sense of right, wrong, fair and unfair,

will always be tragically screwed.

Did you just soil yourself? Maybe. It did sound

a little wet didn't it? Right at the end.

Let's have a smell. Alright. Oh, everybody likes their

own brand don't they? This is magic. Alright analysis.

Oh, it smells like carrots and throw up. That could gag

a maggot. I smell like hot-sick-ass and a dead carcass.

Even stink would say that stinks. You know when you

got an apartment building, and you smell

Other peoples cookin' on each floor. And you go

what are they cookin'? That plus crap.

Hey pop.

Hey Scotty. How you been sport?

I got you a present.

Really?

Open the tank.

Open the tank!

Are those sharks with laser beams

attached to their heads? Cool.

You mean I actually have freakin sharks with

freakin laser beams attached to their freakin heads?

You're the best evil son an evil

dad could ever ask for.

I love you dad.

I love you son.

Touching moment.

Scotty, come here. Pop a squat

right next to daddy.

Mini-Me, move down the bench.

Theres a power struggle.

Scottys on fire.

Alright, it's getting crowded in here.

Everyone out, everyone out.

Not you Scotty. Not you number 2. Not you frau.

Not you Goldmember. Not you guys back there.

Not you henchman holding wrench. Not you henchman arbitrarily

turning knobs making it seem like youre doing something.

This is uncomfortable. The tiny one can't take a hint.

He doesnt understand. He's small.

Hello Foxy, Austin. We've confirmed what Fat

Bastard told you about Roboto is accurate.

He was hired by Dr Evil to

construct "Preparation H".

So Roboto had the technology to

build Goldmember's tractor beam.

Which means Roboto will lead

us to Goldmember.

Which means Goldmember

will lead us to my father.

"Roboto Industries

Tokyo Headquarters"

I am president of Roboto Industries.

My name is Mr Roboto.

Thank you Mr Roboto. I thank you.

Thank you for seeing us on

such short notice.

You speak Japanese?

A little.

You might be a cunning linguist,

but I'm a master debater.

I'm looking for my father.

He was kidnapped.

Please eat some sh*t.

Please eat what?

He said, Please eat some shitake mushrooms.

Tell me what do you know about

my fathers where abouts?

Your ass is happy?

No. He said, Your assignment is an unhappy one.

I have a huge rod

Nice potty mouth dirt bag.

I have a huge rodent problem.

A little off the topic,

but unfortunate nonetheless.

Yes, quite off topic, thank you very much.

Why don't I just speak in English?

That would be a good idea, now wouldn't it?

making it seem like youre saying things that are dirty.

I'm sorry to hear about your father.

But I can't help you.

Please excuse me.

I have another appointment.

By the way I do have a huge rod... I wish.

Mr Roboto was lying to us.

Tell me something I don't know.

I open mouth kissed a horse once.

Say what? That's something you don't know.

My Spider sense is telling me that my father is still in

this building. You keep a look out. I'll try and sneak in.

Austin Powers is on the premises.

Yes sir

Keep a look out for Austin Powers.

Judo chop.

Come here and look at this.

Is he doing what I think he's doing?

Shazam!

Come on sugar.

Theres Goldmember and Roboto.

Yes, very impressive. Put "Preparation H"

into my stoopen transporten.

What's this? You need this to tone the tractor beam.

It's a gold key.

Smarty pants.

Let's spread out.

Hands up Goldmember! It's payback time.

Sure you can kill me. But then what

happens to Austin Powers fadjer?

Dad!

And now he's going to have an

unfortunate smelting accident.

Don't worry dad,

I'm here to rescue you.

May I point out that the last time around

you fell into an obvious trap.

Now you're trying to rescue me

instead of stopping Goldmember.

Please I'm not gonna let

Goldmember get away.

Austin, goldmember is getting away.

Hello, hello, aren't you gonna

introduce us Austin?

Foxy this is...

Powers. Nigel Powers.

Is that Ouder Floers you're wearing? Yes, it is.

That's how a woman should smell.

Especially one as beautiful as you. My, my even

in the face of danger you live up to youre reputation.

Get on with it.

I've got an idea.

Your spy car is a mini?

It's not the size mate. It's how you use it.

You know I would have found my way up that

conveyer belt. What? I saved your life.

You should have done your job!

Oh, you're welcome...

Shut up and turn around please!

Run! It's Godzilla! It looks like Godzilla, but

duo to international copyright laws it's not.

Still we should run like it is Godzilla.

Though it isn't.

There's Goldmember.

Greater-greater-1-9ner,

this is Goldywang over.

what's your Chad-20 over?

I've got "Preparation H" in my rear and smoke

in the barrel of my back. Viva las convoy, over.

Yeeha, copy that sun'b*tch monkey nuts.

I'm entering your mouth no over.

Great, Goldmember got away.

Now what?

I think it's obvious, we should take Dr Evil's

lair by force.

You can be my back up son.

Back up? Well thats fairly condescending.

Do you think Dr Evil is gonna expect an attack?

We should infiltrate his lair.

This ain't my first rodeo, cowboy. We need

commandos, scuba, gadgets for god sake.

Well, I don't like to use gadgets.

Outside the bedroom. I thank you.

You know, I think being frozen

damaged your brain.

Really? And how would you know? This is the

most time that we've spent together since... ever.

What are you saying son? What boy learnt to drive

a car with machine guns on it.

Or had a helicopter you could

fit in a nap sack.

What about your Swedish nanny Helga?

Let's say I didn't hire her

for the cooking.

She stayed on until you were 24.

We were mates you and I.

I didn't need a friend. I needed a father.

Do you know I risked my life trying to save you.

And you still don't give me any respect.

Respect! Come on.

If you got an issue, here's a tissue

That is not funny.

Well, I suppose we better

go our separate ways then.

Fine.

Fine.

"Austin's Tokyo Hotel"

So I've been assigned to welcome

you to the ministry of defence.

I have a letter from my director

personally thanking you for switching sides.

I, can't wait to inform Austin

of your defection.

Hello Basil. Austin should be here any second.

Yes. I'm in Austin's hotel room right now.

Assassin!

Try to kill me, will ya?

You wanna be friends?

Wait a tic.

I'm not falling for that again.

At least he didn't mention it. Yes I realise he

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