Aux deux Colombes Page #4

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- I'd've been happy with what I'd had.

- Let's be serious.

- You thought I was dead?

- Yes.

- That's crazy.

- You said it!

- And now I'm back.

- Yes.

- A tragedy!

- You can say that again.

- What do you mean by that?

- Pardon?

It was horrible to think of you dead.

But it's worse than that.

- I'll grant you thought me dead.

- You have to accept it my darling.

But over time, you had

no further confirmation.

- What do you mean?

- What about "benefit of the doubt"?

- "Benefit of the doubt"?

- Yes.

You're saying that as time passed,

I should less and less feel

you were dead?

My darling, it's hardly easy

to agree I should have felt that way.

One doesn't go into half-mourning

for someone

for 22 years.

- "Half mourning"?

- Yes.

- You didn't mourn for me?

- Of course!

No!

You never did,

I'm quite certain.

That's a horrible thing to say.

Marie-Jeanne, listen to me.

I did mourn for you.

- You did?

- Yes my sweet.

You've mourned for me

without being sure I was dead?

- Exactly what do you want?

- The truth.

I'm going to tell you

everything that's happened.

Sometimes I'd be thinking "She's dead",

and I'd go into mourning.

Other times:
"No, she's not",

and I'd come out of mourning.

It was tearing me apart

It was exhausting.

But even apart from that,

my life was in turmoil.

Then one day I just had to accept

that you were dead.

And on that day...

I stopped mourning for you.

You stopped mourning for me

because I was dead?

That's not what I meant.

After a year had passed,

I was no longer in mourning.

- But tell me...

- What?

When you thought me dead

why did you never visit my ashes?

- "Your ashes"?

- Yes.

- Are you joking?

- Do I look like I am?

No, seriously...

You didn't come to visit my ashes.

Your "ashes"?

- You were alive

- You thought I was dead.

That was the first thing

that came to mind.

- Aw...!

- But I'm not in the habit of lying.

I thought about visiting your ashes

from the beginning.

I found out from the papers

that the ashes

were all mixed.

Let's surmise I went and did it...

I write and ask :

"Please send me some ashes."

They arrive.

- D'you know what I'd do with them?

- No?

I put them in a golden casket.

And I put the casket...

Wait.

I'm embarrassing you.

No, no, you're not embar...

Do you know where

I put the casket?

I put it in the chest of drawers.

No, in the "happy-day-desk"...

as they used to be called.

...or in that little thingummy

on the left.

Your ashes are there.

Enough said about it.

I can think about them

as I walk past.

So on the day you come back,

what am I supposed to do with my casket?

Marie-Jeanne, you're not fair.

I've suffered too...

enduring your reproaches.

- You've "suffered"?

- Yes.

- You cried about me?

- You can laugh? Yes I cried about you.

- For a long time?

- Darling...for months.

How many months?

I can't tell you the exact

number of months.

But I cried a lot,

you can be sure of that.

- You didn't console yourself with someone?

- No.

It's better when you smile.

No, my darling,

I didn't look for consolation.

You can't be consoled

about a loss like that!

No, but I went on living.

That's what I had to tell myself.

- I would have killed myself.

- You would've been wrong.

What would've become of me

without you?

You would've remarried.

Come off it...

what a terrible thing to say!

Not at all,

what's wrong with that?

It's normal to remarry at 32.

Why 32?

- It was you who was 32.

- That's true.

I was 27.

- You were 27?

- And your sister?

- Funny thing to ask me.

- What'd I say?

- Nothing.

- What'd I say?

- Nothing.

- What'd I say, darling?

"Your sister..."

I didn't talk like that.

You told me your age

and I just asked your sister's.

She was 26.

I wanted to tell you.

Well, she's remarried...

if you want to know.

How come?

Yes it's true.

Did she lose her first husband?

- Of course.

- How?

He's dead, of course.

Gustave-Albert is dead?

Like all of us.

We're all mortal.

Has he been dead

a long time?

Right after you.

Sorry. After you...disappeared.

We're talking about what was

a very emotional time.

Your sister was lovely to me.

She came to me.

We were alone,

in the same situation.

The two of us in full mourning.

She came to me.

That sounds like my little sister.

And ups and re-marries!

You might say.

- Married well?

- Not bad, thanks...well.

How happy for her!

What did I just hear?

"How happy for her!"

- Did it just slip out?

- No...I'm truly glad she's happy.

She didn't score very well

the first time.

- I hope number 2 has helped her forget him.

- I get that impression.

I'm keen to point out to you.....

But youre not going to compare yourself

to her first husband.

Oh no, it's something terrible.

What do you want to tell me?

I'm remarried.

Angle!

Round one!

When she comes round,

you can give her the news.

She'll think I'm

just joking with her.

- How will I put it to her?

- In French.

You'll simply say to her :

"There it is Madame."

You'll build that into a nice story.

Here she is recovering

from her faint.

Why aren't I dead?

What can I say?

- Goodbye, Jean-Pierre.

- Yes, yes.

- Where's there a...

- A what?

A Metro station?

To do what?

To kill myself.

I beg of you!

You beg me to?

That takes the cake!

Begs his wife to kill herself!

No...calm down.

- You got married again!

- Yes.

You didn't have the right to!

I'll never forgive you.

Calm down.

Never!

To think I might see your wife!

Well, you're going to see her...

Your husband's wife.

- Calm down, you'll hurt yourself.

- What... - She's here.

- Horrible man. Horrible man.

- You want to see your husband's wife?

Well, here she is!

Hullo? That must be her.

Thank you Your Highness.

I have been appraised of the kindnesses

you have bestowed on her.

Yes.

She has a ravishing voice.

Yes.

How're you going there?

I would so much like to meet you

and express all the

feelings about you

I've had without even seeing you.

Where are they? They're both here,

but not together

Where are we up to,

I hear you ask.

They both fainted

As soon as they came to,

they started a screaming match

that went on,

I kid you not,

for 20 minutes...

Every now and again,

they'd sit down and have a good cry.

Then once again...up!

And scream like hell.

The things they called each other!...

Anyway, what they said to each other

is neither here nor there.

Neither of them heard

what the other was saying.

To be honest,

I didn't listen to either of them,

and decided it'd be best

to stay out of it.

I showed myself only when

I saw they were exhausted.

At that point I persuaded them

to have some lunch.

I divided the lunch in three:

Marie-Thrse had the turbot,

Marie-Jeanne had all the chicken,

and I demolished the pie.

We'll be regrouping here in 10 minutes

for Round 2.

Madame...

- That's not me.

- Sorry.

Your first wife wants to

make a phone call.

But I don't want to see

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