Aux deux Colombes Page #5

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them in here before 3pm.

She can speak in the dining room.

I shouldn't have to tell you

what to do.

You can make a call, madame.

Make sure she doesn't

talk for 2 hours.

As for me, I'm just waiting.

That's all, thank you.

Between you and me,

it's a delicate situation,

I meant that I was waiting for a call

from the Grand-Duchess

whose voice just now

made a deep impression.

If she looks as good as she sounds...

Let's wait.

As for my story regarding these ladies,

if I talk like this,

it's because I've decided

to be the referee.

And nothing more.

Besides, in life

it should be the spectator who decides

who makes it.

This isn't the story of a man

who married two sisters,

but that of two sisters

who married one man.

It's family business.

I don't have to get involved in it any more.

- Madame has finished her call.

- Good.

- I don't care, but who to?

- I don't know.

Me neither.

How are the ladies going?

- They seem to be thinking about things.

- That's impossible.

I'd imagine their thoughts quite stupid.

That must be it...

what they shouted just then!

People came down from the 4th floor

to see what was going on.

- I told them it was the radio.

- Very good idea.

But they wanted to know

on what wave-length

you picked it up.

I thought it ironic.

The whole block must know.

If you wanted to keep them both...

You've got quite an imagination.

"Keep them both"?

It's not going to be easy

to have to choose ONE.

- Don't talk about it.

- That's what they used to say about

Charles, Ren, Henriette,

Marie and Joseph.

No more? You were in-between?

Marie amused herself working out

the odds on these ladies.

In my case I see them as two to one.

I sympathise with you.

You're very gracious.

What's happening to you

happened to my poor father.

He'd married two sisters?

No, monsieur.

My father had married my mother.

It was his duty, right?

My uncle went crazy

over a brunette,

some sort of Swede...

What do you mean,

"some sort of Swede?"?

She was Norwegian.

Then they went off to Spain together.

My uncle established a business,

by making off

with my mother's money.

- No connection with my situation.

- None.

But it's my only interesting story.

I thought it was a

good time to tell it.

Tell me zat you haven't

committed zis crime.

I'm ze Grand-Duchess.

Well,

that doesn't surprise me.

You don't say!

Don't deny me the enjoyment

of welcoming you to my place.

- You might say good morning.

- Good morning.

Good morning, Grand-Beauty.

Will you kindly tell me...

are you remarried?

Yes, madame.

Oh, what catastrophe!

"Catastrophe"?

Da!

Let's sit down.

You are remarried?

Yes, but hang on...

I can get divorced you know.

You will make that?

Right away.

You are adorable.

- So adore me.

- I adore you already!

During ze whole voyage,

she is only talking about YOU.

I have almost called you Jean-Pierre

when I see you.

I know you

from head to toe!

She did not spare me any detail.

I know your tastes,

your obsessions,

I know you love

paintings, ancient marbles,

that you smoke too much,

that you touch wood,

that you have screw-up character...

- You say "screw up"?

- You say "screwed up".

A screwed up character

when zings are going badly.

But when you are obeyed,

you are love-puppet.

That's absolutely true.

Out there on the street

I'm known as the "love-puppet".

- Lovely!

- Love-puppets?

No, your naughty character!

I adore ze love-puppet

who is brutish and demanding.

Deep inside you are brute...

I see in your eyes.

Zat is one zing

she never told me.

So to sum up, madame,

you know me better

than she does.

Do you beat women?

Do I beat women?

No, but I can give it a try.

You should.

I want to ask you something :

how did you know

I was remarried?

From your wife.

From Marie-Jeanne.

She phoned me 5 minutes ago

and screamed :

"Jean-Pierre has remarried."

- Nothing else?

- No.

- Zere is somezing else?

- No.

- Not for the moment.

- So divorce.

- Right away.

I must set one small condition:

I'll divorce on condition I marry you.

- You joking?

- Not at all.

But she's asking me for my help.

Me too...

I'm asking you for MY help.

But you, you must zink only of HER.

You can't abandon

a woman at zat age.

- And if she was only a year younger?

- It would be ze same.

The second wife is a year younger

Would you want me to leave her?

Same age as the other?

And you just married her?

I married her 22 years ago.

- Jesus Christ!

- You said it.

And that's all there is to it.

May I have a word in your ear?

Pardon.

They are, in addition...

"In addition"?

They are, in addition...sisters.

Poor Jean-Pierre.

Oh, excuse me.

Not at all, come on in.

Half-an-hour 's gone.

Is there a God in heaven?

- I thought I shouldn't say anything to them...

- You did right.

Ask them if theyd like to come in,

please.

How time flies

when I'm with you.

Now, madame,

would you please come in here?

- What is it?

- The small drawing room.

You can hear everything,

and at the right moment, make your appearance.

-Oh it's lovely...

- so pretty!

Madame, go to the mirror.

You'll see it's even more beautiful.

Have you two calmed down?

Completely.

Things are already on the up-and-up.

We had to discuss things.

- So there...

- It's settled.

How so?

There's nothing more to be said.

So you're in agreement.

"Agreement"?

We didn't see it like that.

-You've torn us apart.

- And how...

I think you both have to talk

calmly and sensibly

about a situation that's

turning our lives upside down.

I agree.

- That doesn't mean I'll agree.

- I'll wait and see.

I wanted to talk to you both

face to face,

because if I saw you one at a time...

As you already did.

...we'd never finish.

Why?

You hope to finish something?

- And you?

- Yes.

We agree to finish something.

Now I want you to consider a solution

that we still haven't looked at.

Is there such a thing?

Yes.

THAT SHE HAS TO LEAVE.

Agreed!

That I should leave?

Me, the first wife?

That'd take the cake.

That's a solution

I wouldn't even consider.

There must be

a question of right.

In questions of right,

I know better than anybody.

I want to know them.

This union isn't normal.

There must be a name for it.

What do you call,

such a marriage?

- Eh?

- I'm going to tell you.

- Tell me if you dare!

If you'll just let me speak,

I'll tell you.

The law is based on "presumption".

I didn't need him to tell me.

"Presumption", my dear.

You're just presumed to be his wife.

That's not what he wants.

Everything comes to she who waits.

Presumption!

And my rights?

Your rights are defined.

Ours are too.

Ah?

In order to marry your sister,

I obtained a death judgement,

Then after 3 years investigation,

we were able to get married.

We had to wait 3 years

to do it.

Listen to you!..."to do it".

I'll bet you weren't

holding off for 3 years!

We were both widowed.

I was 32.

No sordid details, if you please!

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