Awful Nice Page #2

Hey, watch your mouth.

Alright everyone, I'd like to

propose a toast to Ben brulet.

Not just my brother but

my best friend as well.

I... I don't think there's

anyone at this table who's

life wasn't changed for the

better because of him.

He was a great man.

A great father, and

a great brother.

To the colonel.

[Clink]

What are you doing?

What is that?

Dave?

Jim!

Come on.

Are you joking?

Are you crazy?

What are you doing?

Ahh!

What?

Stop that.

What are you trying to prove?

Jim, stop it!

You're humiliating me.

Stop it!

[Yelling]

Come on, baby.

You're a f***ing snake and

I'm gonna expose you to

the entire family.

F*** you, f*** you, f*** you.

You know what you didn't

take into account?

You're humiliating me right now.

Stop it!

I'm crazy.

That's my card!

[Yelling]

Give me the card!

No, no!

[All yelling]

No!

Stop!

Alonzo!

[Punching]

Baby, stop it.

Stop doing this!

Oh my God.

[Punching]

Stop! Honey, stop it.

Come on, come on. Get up,

get over here.

Are you boys done?

- I'm done.

Are you boys done?

I'm fine. I'm cool

as a cucumber.

You're bleeding.

You're both bleeding.

You're father would be

in splits right now

if he saw you like this.

What the f***? What the

hell are ya...?

Did you say something?

Because if you said something,

I wouldn't be able to hear it.

Somebody, like, just

broke my eardrum.

So...

You have to talk pretty loud.

I can't believe you're

married with a kid, dude.

That is so f***ed up.

I know.

It's not even like a tiny

person. That's what it is.

If you f*** up showing

him how to be a person,

he turns really f***ed up.

That's a lot of responsiblity.

I think about this stuff

all the time, Dave.

Me too, dude, believe it or not.

Yeah, if you would've

hung out with me more...

You know, recently, you

would know stuff like that.

Can we- have a...

Have a sweat lodge sesh?

Uh ok, well that was

called a vision quest.

Totally different thing.

Oh yeah?

I had some deep sh*t going on.

Because it looked like you were

passed out naked-

meditating.

That wouldn't have been such a

shock to you, if you had maybe

hung out with me more and

kinda known what I was into.

What the f*** are you

talking about right now?

I'm talking about that

you never f***ing...

Had- gave two shits enough to

go find me until you had to.

I don't- I don't feel bad, dude.

Like...

I went to college, I got a job.

I'm starting to build a life.

If you want to be part of that,

you can be part of it, man.

But I'm not gonna chase you

down to be your brother.

Well I'm just saying...

Maybe give me a

call once in awhile.

You know, I hate f***ing talk

radio though, so we gotta...

I gotta lot of mix tapes

I can bring, but...

You think you're coming

with me to branson?

You really- you honestly think-

I know I'm coming with you.

Like, that? That display

convinced you take you with me?

I'm not trying to convince you.

I don't have to convince

you of anything.

You saw the f***ing protocol

that Uncle Mitch gave us.

Half that house is mine.

I'm pretty sure even more

than half after that

arm wrestling display.

I think legally that's

like a binding thing.

You're way more interested in

the law than I thought you were.

I've been around it a lot.

We ruined our dad's funeral.

That's why we gotta

fix this, dude.

This is the perfect

chance to do it.

I don't want the next funeral

we show up to, you to pull

a piece on me or something.

Or a blade.

I have a blade on me.

So dad's dead, huh?

Yeah, dude, dad's dead.

That sucks.

It really- like

it f***ing sucks.

It's the worst.

When was the last

time you saw him?

Can we not talk about this?

So this is it, huh?

Yep, two years of my life, man.

Two years.

Gives you that much.

You didn't do any bullshit

double sp- oh yeah.

I don't wanna be a weirdo...

But could you maybe put

your pants back on?

While we're in the car?

Oh I never wear

pants on the road.

Why?

You should try it,

man, I'm telling you.

Real freedom of

movement down here.

If you weren't in here, I

wouldn't even have boxers on.

And the car wouldn't be moving.

Good news is I got

a lot of tapes.

I picked up a lot a-

couple of mixed tapes.

Couple of classics I just

brought along anyways.

What the f*** are you doing?

You're- you're ruining

my car with my books.

How am I ruining it?

No, I want you put them

in a bag or something.

Where do you want me to do it?

In your hand. I don't know.

[Mockingly]In your hand.

Haven't you ever eaten

peanuts before?

We'll just do- well...

Do we even have a tape deck?

I don't know if it's the

frequency of the radio, or the

lines running together, I

just get like hypnotized.

full-time passenger for

the rest of the trip.

Oh my God. What are you doing?

What? I'm eating these donuts.

You're eating out

of the garbage?

So, that's disgusting.

What's wrong with you?

They're not touching anything.

They were just on top.

Everything in that bin is dirty.

So it doesn't get all the rest

of this clean stuff dirty.

You ever think that maybe

I'm the way I am because

you made me this way?

You literally have a mouthfull

of trash right now, and

somehow this is my fault?

Well...

You know what they

say, one man's trash...

Another man's treasure.

Another man's treasure.

Perfect example.

Hope you get hepatitis.

No way. Iron stomach.

Not a rumble.

Are these hotdog cheeseburgers

more cheeseburgery or hotdogy?

Check it out.

The gal said nobody bought

one in like a week.

Gonna throw them all out.

Total score, huh?

Please get rid of those.

You don't have to tell

me twice, brother.

Mm mm mm.

She wasn't kidding.

I don't know about a week.

C'mon, man! Jesus Christ.

Looks like dad's watch.

Where'd you get that?

It is dad's watch.

He gave it to me.

He gave- like after he

died you stole it from him?

He gave it to me two years

ago when I graduated college?

Really?

- Yeah.

Let me see it.

No. It's the only thing I have.

I don't even want a watch.

It's a road trip dude,

we need some tunage, ok?

That's half the

fun of road trips.

A. Taking your pants off.

B. Listening to tight tunes

with your brother.

[Playing recorder]

So you got a kid, you wrote

a book, what else is new?

See summer slam?

It's a roadtrip, we need music.

What are you doing?

I want to listen

to the twins game.

Well I don't, ok?

Well, I don't care.

You're really f***ing harshin'

the buzz on this roadtrip.

At least let me buy a discman

and some fireworks over here.

Let me get some

inexpensive headphones.

Dave.

Dave?

Dave!

Your f***ing stereo is f***ing

sucking up all the juice.

Well, don't wear so many

f***ing layers.

I'll wear whatever I want.

It's my car.

I can't listen to music

on my own discman?

I can't do all these

rules anymore, man.

There wouldn't be any rules

if I didn't have to

Just like act like a normal

person for once in your life.

And you're just f***ing

laying these rules on me.

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