Awful Nice Page #9

Break the f***ing thing up.

You don't kiss anyone, ok?

Oh oh oh.

You kiss me. That is it.

Hold on miss commi salami.

I'm the only one around

here- what is that?

I'm the only one allowed

to have a gun around here.

[Gun shots]

Hey Bruce, you got any

bullet proof vests we can

f*** around with?

[Beeping]

Dave?

Dave!

Dave?

[Breaking glass]

We're under attack.

I think it's that Russian guy.

He's gonna tear down the

whole f***ing house, man.

He's trying to tear

down the house.

He's got a bulldozer.

They're not tearing it down.

They're fixing it up, dude.

I got Ivan to f***ing hook us

up with his crew last night, ok?

It's all taken care of.

It's all cool.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Can we talk about waking

somebody up by smashing, like,

a f***ing boat next to

them or whatever you did?

Is she breathing?

I don't know.

Check her pulse?

No, you check her pulse.

She's your f***ing girlfriend.

She say that?

No.

Alright, I'll do it.

You up?

Wake up.

Baby, wake up.

Get up!

C'mon babe.

There she is. See, she's fine.

Turn it off, turn

it off, turn it off.

You man, sparky, come here.

Get this f***ing

chain and throw it.

If you're doing, like, the

f***ing thing where it's like a

different state so it doesn't

count, that only works if you

went down on her.

Oh we got company.

Hey John.

What are you doin' here?

Oh, it was Edgar's idea.

Wanted to stretch his paws.

Thought we'd drop by.

Edgar?

My cat.

Sh*t.

Oh well.

Well, well, well.

Not too bad, huh?

If your father were alive

he'd be very proud of you.

Very proud of you.

I appreciate that.

Um, it's actually mostly Dave.

Is that a fact?

Surprising, right?

Well played, well played.

Thank you, John.

So I guess the boys will

do the work, and you can

get on with your lives now?

No, no, no. I work with these

boys all the time.

With all due respect, the only

thing that could go wrong

is if you hung around.

I'm just sayin' me and

you have something that we

need to finish here.

- No we don't, Dave.

Jim, can I talk to you

outside for a second?

Dave, we are outside

for a second.

I feel like you're kinda cuttin'

and runnin' here, and you know?

Real quick- real

quick brother session?

Ok. Alright.

What the f*** are you doing?

The house isn't done yet.

Yeah- we came down

to finish the house.

The house is finished for us.

It's not finished until-

we're getting our checks.

We'll put a pin in

this for now, ok?

But I need to finish

talking to you about this.

Arlight, pleasure

during business with ya.

You too.

Hey, John.

Um, I just wanted to thank you

for, uh, for everything that

you've done for us.

Work on your goodbye speech.

Sign the deed, get the checks.

Ciao.

Who wants some

f***ing lunch, man?

[Chainsaw hums]

Holy sh*t.

[Crack]

Dude, what is that thing?

Harpsochord?

Michelle brought it

back from Africa for me.

Cool, she just brought back one?

Yeah. Just one.

There's like an owl up there

I've been trying to hit

for like a half an hour.

You remember when

we were kids... and uh...

Dad would always just try and

get us to help out

We would always figure out

someway to either get out of it

Yes. Do it wrong.

Destroy it.

He kept askin' though.

I'll f***ing give

him that, dude.

He was a tenacious f***ing guy.

He just wanted to teach, man.

I remember when he, uh...

We made that rock tumbler

out of the washing machine.

Try to fix it with

the, uh- lawn mower.

Lawn mower, yeah.

Yeah.

He was pissed, but he still

tried to show us how

to put it back together.

Am I just taking you

to the airport, or what?

I don't think so, man.

What?

What are you going to do?

I'm thinkin' about just stayin'.

[Crack]

[Whistles]

Staying where?

Uh, here.

Like staying here.

Like in branson?

Like at this house.

We kinda- like we

got a plan, Dave.

We're supposed to go pick up our

checks from charbineau tomorrow

and sign the deeds.

I mean, you can still do that.

I'm just sayin' that...

I'm probably gonna sit that one

out, you know.

I mean I haven't found

my basketball cards.

I haven't found my karate

trophies, you know?

They're not even done

with the house really.

I feel like...

I just feel that you could buy-

you could buy

new versions of those. You could

buy all the basket ball

cards you want. All the- yeah.

You could become a

great karate guy.

I feel like I already did it.

I already got the trophies.

Just find the trophies.

That's all I need.

And I mean, I can buy basketball

cards, but why buy something-

you could buy- you could buy a

lot of stuff I mean, this is-

I mean we're gonna make a lot

of money with this thing.

But it's not the same thing. I

mean this place has got

the memories though, you know?

You can't buy those.

You kinda like go out and meet

new people, make new memories.

And half of it's mine,

so I figured-

yeah, but you can't sell

half a house.

Eh, that kind of sounds

like a Jim problem thing.

I know that's what

it sounds like.

I does sound like it, because

that's what's happening.

But I feel like, you're

kinda f***ing me by-

you can't stay in branson the

rest of your life because

you want to f*** some British

hooker. Alright, man?

Dude, she is definitely

f***ing British, and she is

definitely a hooker, and you're

definitely acting like

a f***ing idiot right now.

I'm not a f***ing idiot, man!

Yeah, you are a f***ing idiot.

What did I tell you?

Why does it have to be so

difficult all the time?

Because my life is

f***ing difficult, Jim.

Why don't you understand that?

The only different is, I don't

cry about it all the time.

I f***ing set goals and

follow through with them.

I don't bail at the

f***ing last minute.

Go somewhere, Dave.

F***ing do something!

Back to the f***ing Indian

reservation where I lived

in a f***ing teepee?

Or back to mom's basement, ok?

You have as many

opportunities as everyone else.

You don't f***ing know me. You

don't know anything about me.

You don't see these things

because you walk around with

your f***ing eyes

closed all the time.

And you just sit and you b*tch

and moan and-

I work for that! I worked for

everything I've had.

You don't work.

You don't f***ing try, David.

I've worked at a

lot of sh*t, ok?

And sometimes that sh*t

doesn't work out, ok?

I knocked my f***ing

girlfriend up in college.

So, you know what I did?

I married her.

I manned up and I married her.

And I took a shitty job

that I hate-

oh that sucks. My wife loves me

too much, and I have-

and awesome job and a car and

I write books all the time.

Oh my God, give me

a f***ing break.

Our house is on fire.

Oh sh*t.

- F***.

Do something!

Dave, that's not gonna help.

Oh sh*t, what do we do?!

Dave, we gotta get out of here.

No, this is all I have.

This is all I got.

This is all I got.

I can't bail. Alright?

I'm not bailin'. I'm stayin'.

Fine. Me neither.

You stay, I stay.

I'm not gonna bail on you, Dave.

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