Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan Page #4

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Now, this... You brought this

on yourself!

Now, I warned you.

Now, what the hell did you do?

He's mad as hell.

I ain't never seen him

so riled up.

- Wait a second.

We found this.

- Oh.

This is bad.

Now, this is very,

very, very bad.

- So tell us

what we're up against.

- Well...

(Sighs)

I guess you heard

all that nonsense about him,

Dragging his ax and making the grand canyon

And his footprints

making the great lakes.

- Paul Bunyan.

You're telling us

that's Paul Bunyan out there.

- Back in late 1800s,

There was a gentleman

by the name

Of captain larch Bunyan.

Now, he was a lumber baron

in these parts.

He married this woman, Helga.

She's new in town

And ain't nobody knew

from where.

Well, Helga,

she was ripe with child.

Well, she gave birth

To this big,

giant bodacious baby.

The doctor said,

"Well, this child

has a rare disease

Or a rare blessing depending

on how you look at it.

"Now, he's gonna be at least

twice as big

"As a normal man

"And gonna live

three times as long,

But he's always gonna have

the mind of a child. "

Of a child.

Well, by the time

he was five years old,

He was six-Foot-Tall,

still growing.

Now, young Bunyan was working

the lumberyards here

In this area.

He was... He was bringing down

them big old oak trees

With just three whacks

of that ax.

Of course all the competition

and everything

With the lumberjacks,

you know,

He won it all at the festivals

and the fairs and whatnot,

You know, hands down.

Well,

You see, them lumberjacks

had cut down so many trees

That the food

was getting scarce.

Animals were running off

to the high country.

Now, at this particular camp,

this foreman bill and his men

Were out hunting for a meal.

Well, snow come early

that year,

And death was in the air.

Now, the men

were following the tracks

Of this wounded animal

through the snow,

And that's when they came upon

Bunyans beloved friend,

Babe the blue ox.

Now, babe had wandered off

and stepped himself

In a big bear trap.

He was maimed, and he was weak,

And he couldn't find

his way home.

But the loggers, they found him.

- There he is,

Up behind that bush.

- What's he doing way up here?

- He's lost.

- No, he's dinner.

(Babe roars)

(Roars)

- Oh, sh*t!

(Guns cock)

- Back off.

I got him.

(Gunshot)

(Babe roars)

- Foreman bill shot babe

right between the eyes,

Killed him deader

than a dinosaur.

- Elmer, fire up the grill.

We're eating big tonight, buddy.

- Right, boss.

(Indistinct chatter)

- Bunyan, he went out looking

for babe,

And he found him.

And of course, he was too late.

- (Growls)

- The loggers had roasted up

babe's carcass,

And they were feasting on him

like he was a Christmas dinner.

- (Growling)

No.

- So when Bunyan saw what

they did to his best friend...

Well, the only friend

he'd ever had in whole world...

Well, he just went berserk.

He just got that ax

and just sliced them,

Every damn one of them

lumberjacks.

- (Screams)

- He killed 10 if he killed 40.

Whack! Whack! Whack!

- (Screams)

- Whack! Whack!

- (Screams)

- Whack!

- Die!

- Whack! Whack!

- No!

- Whack!

Why, he just made them kindling.

- (Screams)

- Foreman bill,

Oh, he got the worst of it.

Cut him such small pieces

that the coyotes had a hard time

Trying to find something

to carry away.

When Bunyan came to his senses,

He went and hid

until the snow melted,

And then he ran and he ran.

But the town-Folk,

they hunted him down,

Then caught up with him,

And they chained him up,

And they dragged him

through the town,

Back through the streets

for everybody to see.

The town-Folks,

they spit on him.

He was humiliated, embarrassed,

red-Faced.

Even Maybelle,

who Bunyan was sweet on,

She... She turned away.

- (Growling)

- They dragged him

through the forest...

- (screaming)

- Tossed Bunyan

in an old mine shaft

Loaded with dynamite.

One of them lumberjacks

lit a match.

(Imitates fuse lighting)

Ka-Boom!

(Explosions)

Sealed that mine shaft forever.

Well, then they made up

nonsense about...

(chuckles)

Paul Bunyan, the lumberjack,

You know, so they can keep

the prosperity going.

You know?

Well, memories fade.

People die.

People forget.

And you don't know when or who

or what happened back then.

(Chuckling)

I do.

I always knew.

That old mine shaft,

it couldn't hold him.

No, no, no, he escaped.

Bunyan, he escaped.

He made his way up

into the mountains,

Up into the high country,

And he took

babe's sacred remains with him.

And at the top of that mountain,

He made a shrine

to his only true friend.

Bunyan lived there undisturbed,

And he grew and he grew

bigger, bigger,

Alone, keeping to himself,

Keeping away from civilization.

He had a pretty good life

up there,

That is, until you went

and fouled babe's grave site.

You desecrated the resting place

Of Bunyans only friend.

- So we're stuck here.

- Hey, ain't nobody going

no place

Until you all put babe's horn

back where it belongs.

- We're not going back

out there.

He'll kill us.

- It's the only chance

y'all got.

(Dramatic music)

- No, Zack!

No, Zack, come back!

- Here!

Take it back!

This is what you want!

I'm the one who took it!

Take it back!

And leave them alone!

- Zack, get in here now!

- No, Zack!

No, no!

(Cries)

- (Gargling)

- (Crying)

- Come on.

- No!

- Get back.

- No!

- (Growling)

(Gunshots)

- No, please, Im sorry.

No, no, no, no.

(Screaming)

- (Crying)

no, no, no.

- What are you doing?

- I'm making something to eat.

- I just lost another kid.

- Yeah, well,

Im sorry for your loss.

That boy maybe just saved

all our hides.

Well, got his horn back.

Let him settle.

We get out of here first light.

(Mumbling)

- Tell my daughter I love her.

- Don't say that.

- I promised her

I was gonna pick her up

And get her from that place

And I was never

gonna leave her again.

(Crying) I promised her.

Marty.

- You're gonna be okay.

- Yeah.

- You're gonna be okay.

- Yeah.

- Here.

Like this.

Guess that's the benefit

of your dad being the sheriff.

You learn things.

I never told my dad

I loved him

Before he dropped me off.

- He knows,

And you're gonna get a chance

to tell him.

- Are we gonna make it

out of here?

- Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely.

- (Breathing hoarsely)

(Laughs)

- Sheriff Tanner, come in.

- Yeah, go ahead, Debbie.

- We have another bear sighting.

Hiker saw it a couple days ago.

Sheriff, can you swing on up

to cutter's peak?

- Yeah, actually,

Im in the area.

I'll go check it out.

- In the area?

What are you doing way up there,

sheriff?

- I'm on a sightseeing trip.

- Sightseeing?

- Hey, listen,

Ill be back later today.

I'll go check it out.

Tanner out.

- There was a reason

why Bunyan saved you

And split some of your friends

like two halves of a peach.

You know who you are?

You're the spitting image

of the little lady

That broke Bunyans heart.

(Paper rustling)

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