Baby Mama Page #4

of our community?

Yes!

Thank you for that question.

Those are free, by the way.

You don't have to sneak them.

All of this stuff

is our gift to you.

Hey, Kate.

Hi.

What a spread.

Thanks.

So, I had one last question for you.

Okay.

You never told me how

you liked the smoothie.

Well, a little too much

banana for me.

Wow.

You know,

Mr. Ackerman...

No, no, no.

Mr. Ackerman's my dog.

You gotta call me Rob.

Okay, Rob. I really

don't want any tension

with the Small Business

Owners' Association.

So I would be happy to sit

down with you some time and...

You asking me

out on a date?

No.

You sure? 'Cause you

lied to me once already.

Yes, I'm sure.

See you around.

And then he asked me if I was asking

him out, and I was like, "What?"

Is he cute?

Yes, but you're

missing the point.

Hold on, Caroline.

Angie?

I'm starving!

Well, look in

the refrigerator,

there's a big container of

Monster Health Pea Soup.

This looks really weird and

healthy. I don't like it.

It's good for you.

I'm not trying

to be dramatic,

but I would rather be shot in the

face than eat this stupid food.

Angie, just eat it, okay? Bye.

Caroline? She's crazy. It

is like living with a child.

Well, you know,

you will literally be

living with a child soon.

Maybe you need

to just get used to it.

Alex! Alex!

Wait. I'm an adult. She's an

adult. We will work this out.

You know, studies show that babies can

learn a second language in the womb.

You know, you should play an English

tape, so it can come out talking,

and it can be in commercials,

and you'll make a lot of money.

Next. The elephant has big ears.

Your CD's skipping.

I'm gonna watch TV instead.

- Oh, man. This show's awesome.

- In this next clip is a dad playing baseball

with his son.

That kid's gonna

hit his dad in the nuts.

Beautiful day! What

could possibly go wrong?

Hey, have you seen

this one before?

You have a kid with a Wiffleball

bat and a dad with a crotch.

Proudest moment in any

father-son relationship.

You know, it's not gonna be

funny if you ruin the ending!

Here comes the pitch!

It is!

It's still funny!

Oh, man.

Did you just stick your

gum under my coffee table?

- I don't know.

- What do you mean, you don't know?

Do you think you're

at an Arby's right now?

You know what? I wish

I was at an Arby's.

'Cause there's better food

and cooler people there.

Did you stick all this gum under here?

I don't know!

Maybe you stuck

some of it under there.

Yeah, actually

you might be right,

because sometimes when

I work a really long day,

I like to come home and chew

a huge wad of Bubblicious gum

and stick it under my

reclaimed BarnWood coffee table!

B*tch,

I don't know your life!

All right, ladies,

there's no need to yell.

Well, the mystery remains as

to who put the gum under there.

No, it doesn't.

Kate, you're used to

being the boss,

and, Angie, being pregnant makes

you feel vulnerable and sensitive.

I know my hormones are on

a rollercoaster right now.

Are you saying...

That's right.

I'm expecting again.

Expecting what,

a social security check?

- It's weird, isn't it?

- Yeah.

These conflicts are normal.

This is a highly unusual relationship,

and that's what this support group is for.

Jonathan would

like to share again.

I mean, I'm only saying

because this reminded me

of something I was

journaling, just the other day.

I feel really bad because

Karen and I are fighting a lot,

because I think she's

becoming morbidly obese.

And I keep reminding him

that she is pregnant.

And then I realized

that I am...

I'm... No.

I am... Okay.

I'm anorexic, and it's really

hard, because she's so fat.

And I... I love

Christopher so much,

and he's fat, and I'm afraid

the baby's gonna be fat.

And it's just me

and two fatties.

I'm proud of you, Jonathan.

Thank you for sharing that.

Yeah, that's a...

Thank you.

Anyone else?

- I can go.

- Dave?

The wife and I are Methodists.

Ashley here is a Wiccan.

It's kind of like a witch.

They have stores, I think.

But, you know, at first, I was a little

worried about a witch carrying my child,

but I came around to the

idea, or she put a spell on me.

Did you do that, Ashley?

I'm sorry.

- I'd like to share something.

- Please.

Okay, I don't know,

like, all the therapy terms...

Well, I don't know the therapy

terms, either. I don't go to therapy.

Yeah, but I'd just like to say that

Kate is always up in my business.

Well, when someone falls asleep

with a curling iron in their hair,

it becomes necessary to insert

yourself in their business.

That happened two times!

Angie, bottom line,

you're carrying Kate's baby,

and you do

wanna get paid, right?

Yeah.

That means that Kate

does deserve some input.

But, Kate, you must remember that

a surrogate is not your employee,

but your partner.

Yeah, Kate, we're partners,

like Tom and Jerry.

Tom and Jerry

hate each other.

What? They love each other!

What show are you watching?

They're a cat and a mouse.

They have

so much fun together!

Children in Japan

can understand that.

You are dead wrong.

I want you two to

spend more time together.

- That's impossible. We're always together.

- I don't... Yeah.

Let Angie help you

get ready for the baby.

Decorate the nursery

together, pick out a crib.

Do all the things you would

do if you were pregnant,

just do them with Angie.

Wake up, partner.

It's time for birthing class.

Yay.

Welcome to

The Birthing Center.

In this birthing class,

we are going to help

you new mommies and daddies,

and our mommies and mommies,

lesbian lovers...

- No.

- No.

...prepare for

that marathon of labor.

Quick question

before we start.

How many of you are planning

on doing natural childbirth?

That's a good show of hands. That's

so great, you're all so great.

And how many of you are planning

on using toxic Western medications

to drug your baby for your

own selfish comfort? Anyone?

Now this, this is

the Lexus of strollers.

Got an iPod adapter, leather

trim. Check that out, feel that.

Back of your hand,

back of your hand.

Now, what's the first word you

think of when you think of stroller?

Baby.

Okay, what's the second

word you think of?

- Infant.

- No.

It's "top of the line safety

features. " Check this out.

I'll take it.

I'm never gonna dance again

Guilty feet

have got no rhythm

Though it's easy to pretend

I know you're not a fool

What is the point

of that game?

It gives you points depending

on how good you sing.

I'm the highest scorer.

You're the only one

that's ever played it.

What is that smell?

I'm dying my roots.

I was just trying

to get some highlights.

So many chemicals!

You're a brunette,

you don't understand!

You're a brunette!

I was blond

when I was a kid!

I'm clean.

I'm clean!

Hi.

I'm sorry, I think I may

have overreacted back there.

You think?

It's just this whole thing

is very important to me.

And frankly, it makes

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