Baby Mama Page #8

Yeah, but the longer I wait,

the weirder it's gonna be.

It's gonna be weird

no matter what.

He'll know I'm hiding

something. I'm the worst liar.

Okay, tell me three things about

yourself and make one of them a lie.

Okay.

I'm from Pennsylvania,

I am a Leo,

and I am 5'9".

I don't want to... This

is why I can't lie to him.

You're not lying to him,

you're just not telling him the

truth, there's a big difference.

Is there?

I don't know.

Don't ask me.

Don't speak

I can't even take it

And I don't

need no reason

Hi.

I'm Rob. I'm here to pick up Kate.

Oh!

Sorry, I'm a little early. I was

just in the neighborhood, so...

Do come in.

Hello, I'm Angela.

Okay.

I'm Kate's sister, so...

We are in the same family.

And I was just practicing the

ancient Japanese art of karaoke.

- Karaoke?

- Yes.

You delightful...

Hello. Oh, well.

I can see how she

likes you so much. Kate?

- You live here?

- No,

no.

I live in New York City

in a pied--terre apartment

with a husband

that I have.

Wow, so you're just

kind of visiting here, or...

He's in the stock market.

So we go from city to city,

visiting other stock markets.

And that's how we roll.

It's funny, 'cause you guys

don't look alike at all.

Oh, well.

- Different dads?

- Yes.

We have different dads.

That's what we have.

We have different dads.

Thank you for that.

Is that my phone?

I didn't actually hear...

It was. Hold on, it's

from Europe. Hello?

Yes, interesting. It's a business

call. So nice to meet you.

- What?

- Yes.

What? How long

did he talk to you?

Hi. Look at you, early bird.

Okay, it's nice to see you.

Oh, my gosh,

well, let's go.

Yeah.

Does your sister

want to come with us?

No, she's not well.

- Bye, Angela.

- Adios.

Push, woman.

Yeah, good. Push, and

boom! Congratulations. Look.

Popcorn.

See?

It's that easy.

What movie we watching?

Extreme Vaginal Delivery.

The miracle of

really big childbirth.

Oh, damn!

You can't come

back from that.

That's why you always

want to stay over here, huh?

- It's one of the reasons.

- Well,

how long is your sister in town?

Angie's not

really my sister.

I know. She's your

half-sister. She told me.

What else did

Angela tell you?

Well,

she told me

that you like me a lot.

Well, she's a liar.

She's a known liar.

What is this?

Jillian wants me to take her to an exhibit

of abnormal skulls at the Mtter Museum.

Do you need me

to get out of here?

No, no. No, I was gonna

see if you wanted to come.

You want me

to meet your daughter?

Is that a bad idea?

No. I really,

really like kids.

- Oh, my God.

- I know.

Have you read

this article?

This Chaffee Backnell lady.

- Bicknell.

- She is a piece of work.

I mean, her whole surrogacy

process is very science-fictiony.

There's so many kids

that need to be adopted.

Well, adoption

can take years.

And these people would pay, like,

you know, $50,000, in order to...

It's $100,000, actually.

You know, have your baby

custom-carried by a gestation assistant.

What is that?

Well, I think it's probably

more complicated than it seems.

A lot of rich people

getting what they want.

I hate that song.

- Here you go. You got it?

- Yeah, I'm good.

So, do you feel

good about yourself?

You're just going to let Kate go ahead

and have this whole baby shower, right?

You don't realize

how ruthless that is, right?

Hey, man, that's a sweet cake.

That's tight. That's tight.

Service entrance,

straight to the terrace.

What am I

supposed to do?

Tell her today, in front of all

of her friends and her family?

No, no, no. Wait till the

child is, like, nine years old,

and then tell her,

like my first ex did me.

Okay, I'm going to

tell her tonight.

Or Monday.

But then it'll ruin her week, so

maybe I should wait till Friday.

Then it would ruin her

weekend, so maybe I should...

I don't know

when I'm gonna tell her.

When's the best day to

tell someone horrible news?

Yesterday.

I tell you, a pagan birth

is a fascinating thing.

You know, now that

I've done it myself,

it seems crazy

not to eat the placenta.

I'm sorry, did you say

polenta or placenta?

Placenta,

the afterbirth, yeah.

Ashley turned us onto it...

Angie.

Hi, I'm Caroline,

- Kate's sister. Nice to meet you.

- Hi, nice to meet you.

And this is

our mother, Rose.

Hi, nice to meet you.

How do you do?

So, tell me,

once the baby is born,

will you just go away, or

shall I expect you at Christmas?

Mom.

What?

This is a reasonable question.

All my friends are asking.

Well, we haven't

really talked about it.

No, there's not a lot of

stuff we've talked about,

we have a lot of stuff

to talk about.

I think Angie might want to

visit the baby a few times a year.

You know, or I might be out of

town, I don't know where I'm going.

I mean, I think I've got

plans, but I'll definitely call.

Summer, if we're on vacation, maybe Angie

would want to come with us some time.

And who knows where we're

going to be in a year?

I think it's really important that

she remain a part of the baby's life.

Yeah, you know,

or completely separate.

We're just going to

play it fast and loose,

you know, just see

how it all shakes out.

Always been my motto.

- Rob? Hi.

- Hi.

Hey, I know it's your

sister's baby shower,

just, you haven't called me in days.

I thought maybe I did something wrong.

No, you didn't do anything.

Is it because I wanted to

introduce you to my kid?

No, Rob, I just...

I think you and I

view the world differently.

Bad news people,

party's over.

- Start heading for the door.

- Who let him in here?

Carl, don't say

something stupid.

She hasn't told you.

I thought since you

guys were best friends,

she probably

told you everything.

- Shut your mouth, Carl.

- What is going on?

She's not even pregnant, okay?

I mean, look.

Angie what is that?

Feel it.

- It's moving.

- Yeah, it's a baby.

And it's yours.

What are you saying?

Kate,

I really tried to make

you a baby, I swear.

What are you saying?

We took a test

as soon as we got home,

and the procedure didn't work.

And I was real, you know, horny,

because of all the hormones.

So we did it.

I felt like a failure.

And Carl told me you were

going to get somebody else.

Those hormones can also

give you a false negative.

That's why they want you to wait

two weeks before you take a test.

- Wait, what?

- So she might not be pregnant?

Yo, where you

escape from, man?

I'm saying the baby might be

Carl's, but it might still be mine.

Okay, then

forget what I said.

I'm trying to

play catch-up here.

So you get

your sister pregnant,

- but she slept with him?

- No, she's not my sister.

She's an ignorant white trash

woman that I paid to carry my kid.

I deserve that.

No, you don't.

How could you do that?

This is why I didn't

call you back, Rob,

because this is the kind of

selfish, science fiction sh*t

that you don't

want any part of.

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