Baby On Board Page #3

Come on!

You're pathetic.

Hey, this is my house.

If I want to knock one out

of the park now and then, I can do it.

Really?

Yeah, really.

Get out.

What?

I want you to move out of this house

before I actually catch you

f***ing some whore.

I don't f*** whores.

I'm so tired, Danny.

I'm tired of your staying out

all night, your drinking,

the lipstick on your underpants...

- What lipstick on...?

...cheap perfume.

I want you out of my life!

Fine, then.

Fine, then?

Fine, then. I'll move out.

Fine, then.

Then, move out.

Move out.

This is my house!

If I want to whack off all over

the thread pillows, then I will,

f*** you very much!

Who is she?

What's her name?

How long has this been going on?

- Hey!

- And why are you leaving me?

Hey! What is...?

What is wrong with you, Angela?

I know!

You know what?

For you, she... I know...

I saw that b*tch in the kitchen!

Okay, Angela.

You were dreaming.

It was a dream.

It was your dream.

But not my dream, because I've

been here, right here the whole time,

trying to sleep,

while you've been snoring,

belching, and farting, Angela,

bad, smelly farts.

So you're not cheating on me

with a model chick?

What model chick?

What did she look like?

A little Elle Macpherson action?

- I got your jacket.

- Thank you.

Do you got everything?

Sure do.

I'm gonna be a little late

tonight, honey,

so don't wait for me for dinner.

I don't think I could

even if I wanted to.

Kick Mary's ass today. I want

to hear all about it when I get back.

Love you, too.

Hey, honey.

Hey!

I'm so starving!

Angela, no.

No, you made me promise you.

- No more bad food.

- I'm letting you out of the promise.

- You said you'd say that.

- This is the last time.

- You said you'd say that, too.

- Give me a f***in' bite!

- Here, you can have the fries.

- Thanks.

Angela? Angela!

Mm, talk about choking the chicken.

Anyway, just...

Numbers are looking really good.

Mm, mm, the prelims

are coming in nicely.

We really got to wow

these money people.

Plenty of time

to reach wow status.

Really, I think everything

is gonna be fine.

I think it is gonna be

better than fine,

even though the Japanese

have upped their deadline to June,

I think we'll be fine.

June?

You need wow by June?

No problem.

This is your baby.

Don't f*** it up.

Mm, mm, mm.

Hello.

Sweetie, you give it

back to him now.

Hey!

Oh, hey. I'm so glad you could come.

Have you eaten?

- Uh, just a little lunch.

- You know what?

You two go over there,

and you shoot each other.

That's right. Go over.

You have my permission.

What's going on?

Well, I just needed to see you.

I'm so tired.

Cock-sucker, piece-of-sh*t footballs!

You seem tense.

I kicked Danny out last night.

Oh, my God, Sylvie!

What happened?

Yeah, but I probably would have

been okay with it, the cheating,

if he'd had the decency

to at least try to hide it from me.

You really would have been

okay with that?

I'm not stupid!

Danny has always been a wild pig.

I mean, hell, that's what attracted me

to his fat ass in the first place.

And I know I don't look the same.

I know.

I used to be so hot.

- And now I'm just...

- You are hot.

I'm not hot.

I will never be

that skinny ever again.

You... You are skinny.

You are.

I turned around the other day,

and my left tit

knocked over a toaster.

You have great tits.

Your tits are beautiful.

- They're not! They're saggy!

- No, they're not!

And after Ryan,

Jesus Christ, you could have

smuggled Mexicans over the border

in my vagina.

Enormous!

You have a great vagina.

Any man would be lucky

to be in your vagina.

You should see

the way he looks at me.

It is like I stole

something from him.

Of course I'm not okay

with the cheating,

but if that's what it took

to keep him, I would...

But at some point he just...

He just stopped caring.

And I can deal with a lot of things,

but I can't deal with that.

I wish I were a lesbian.

Hold on one second, okay?

Girl, I am not a doctor,

but you have got a bug or something.

So, how is my girl?

Not so hot.

Well, you look pretty hot to me.

What's, uh, what's going on

inside of you?

I can't keep anything down.

Really?

Have you experienced

morning sickness?

No way!

I mean, I threw up this morning,

but it's not morning sickness.

Gas?

What are we talking about?

Look at this.

Angela...

...you're pregnant.

No way!

Curtis wears protection.

Well, one little guy snuck in,

and it only takes one.

This can't be.

Damn him!

Angela, do you know how many

women who can't get pregnant

would love to be

in your shoes right now?

I can't fit into my shoes.

I have so much going on right now.

This is the wrong time!

Angela, as your friend,

I need to tell you this.

It's never the right time.

I see women in here all day long,

and even when they think they're

not able to handle this, they are.

Hey, you may not think you're ready,

but your body is telling you it is.

You feel better?

No!

Thank you.

Mrs. Jenkins, I've got it.

I bet you do.

Would you say

that your husband treats you well?

He gives me everything I want.

Okay, okay.

Is it good enough?

Oh.

Your pre-nup,

Section 14, Article 3A,

hinges on your standard of living,

which Mr. Jenkins

is obligated to provide.

If he does not,

your pre-nup is null and void.

So, I'm going to ask you again,

Mrs. Jenkins,

is it good enough?

I'm not pregnant.

I'm not pregnant.

I'm not pregnant, okay?

I don't want to be pregnant.

I don't feel pregnant.

And you know what?

I'm never having sex again.

He lied to me.

He said that Chucky was covered,

little Chucky with two raincoats.

Yeah, well, I got to go, lady.

Be glad you're not a woman.

Okay. Thank you.

I have never been

so turned on in all of my life.

Mrs. Jenkins! Mrs. Jenkins!

Mm, Mr. Marks!

Oh, Mr. Marks!

Mrs. Jenkins,

Mrs. Jenkins, Mrs. Jenkins.

Please, Mrs. Jenkins.

Mrs. Jenkins, stop it!

Mrs. Jenkins, get off of me!

Come on!

I'm sorry.

You're just so, so devious.

Yes, I... I took two classes

on the subject at Harvard.

I hated them both.

Mrs. Jenkins, please, please,

get my thumb...

You can't do that to my thumb.

Son of a b*tch!

He was making out with her

in front of the whole restaurant.

That son of a b*tch.

Sylvie?

Yeah?

I'm pregnant.

Son of a b*tch.

What do I do?

Oh, honey. I'm gonna

come right over right now.

I'll be right over.

- Hello.

- Oh, I'll call you back. He's here.

You call me right back!

Hi.

Hey.

Oh, okay.

What's up?

You know what's up.

Really?

You're gonna have to tell me,

because I have no idea what

you're trying to pull me into here.

- It's not a what. It's a who.

- A who? What who?

What who? You who!

That's what, who.

I'm sorry.

I don't speak Dr. Seuss.

Come on, Ang.

What's going on?

Nothing is going on here,

and nothing will go on here.

Okay. Well, then, this fight

that we aren't really having is over.

- No.

- No?

- Stop it!

- Stop what?

Answering with a question.

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