Baby On Board Page #4

Angela, something's wrong.

I don't know what it is.

Did something happen

at work today?

- Don't change the subject!

- What subject?

I'm pregnant.

You're pregnant?

Angela, that...

That's amazing.

That's... That's wonderful.

It's, it's...

- No, it's not.

- Yes. Angie, Ang.

I know we didn't plan for this,

but we're gonna make it work, okay?

What is wrong with you?

I know plenty of women who

would be jumping for joy right now.

Oh, you know plenty of women?

How many women do you know?

Okay. Angela,

we're gonna be parents.

Let's just calm down

and be happy about this.

Oh, how can I be happy

when the father of my child

isn't who I thought he would be?

She's cheating on you.

Don't be ridiculous.

You said it yourself.

She's hiding something, right?

"The father isn't who I thought

he was." What's that bullshit?

She's probably banging

some 7-foot-tall black brother.

You always use two skins.

You always double-bag it, right?

- Yes.

- All right. Look here.

Look. It says right here,

Now, I'm no math wizard,

but 97 times 2,

that's like, you know,

infinite protection.

I can't believe she would do this.

Don't be a putz.

We see this sh*t all the time.

This sh*t paid

for our houses, all right?

Just 'cause it's happening to you...

no different.

Oh, look at that.

Curtis, I'd tear that ass up.

Be like Roberto Duran

on a speed bag

with my nuts flying off her ass,

dah-duh-duh, dah-duh-duh,

dah-duh-duh, dah.

Are you moving in with your whore?

Whose baby is that?

What did you say?

F*** you, a**hole!

Excuse me?

You're the one who cheated here.

Why is this my fault?

Why is everything my fault?

Don't throw this on me.

Take some responsibility.

Don't push this on me.

Get out!

Fine.

Good.

Tell me what happened.

I'm a mess.

He just stormed out.

Say something.

Statistically, women live five years

longer than men.

Keep going.

Women use their brains

a lot more than men.

It's not working.

I'm still crying.

There's a handbag sale at Macy's.

He's gone.

I'm coming over.

What about the kids?

They're fine.

They're fine.

You know, I'll come to you because

I have to get out of this house.

Just look.

Just look and learn.

Oh, this is Curtis, girls.

I'm paying you per the hip thrust.

Shake a leg!

Sit down, my man.

You should have seen Angela's face

when we were arguing.

She was definitely

hiding something,

the way she wasn't saying anything

and kept backing me in a corner,

like I was the one who was cheating.

Oh, yeah. Sylvie used to do

that sh*t to me all the time.

But you were cheating.

Yeah, yeah, but she was still

very good at it.

Look, I've got these girls

for, like, 19 more minutes.

What do you say we get out of here

and go to the Korean after that, huh?

Korean parlor?

Can't trust women.

Can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Here it comes.

Ooh!

I don't know, Danny.

I still love her.

She's my world, you know.

Yeah, your world

was banging another dude.

Smell her right there.

You wouldn't even know about it

if she didn't get knocked up.

Maybe you should think about that.

- You're right.

- You're right I'm right.

You got screwed.

You're right. I'm done.

No, I, I'm...

With my marriage, I'm done.

Hey, she's sleeping

at your house.

Probably got some jizz monkey

over there right now.

- She wouldn't.

- Oh, oh, oh, yeah.

'Cause you know her so well.

Mm, look at this.

Hey, honey, I got more cash

back in the boudoir.

Oui, oui!

How are you doing?

I'm... I'm Curtis.

Nice to meet you.

Um...

Um, do you go to school

around here or something?

Thanks.

What am I supposed to do?

What I did with Danny...

Get him to confess and then

kick his ass out on the street.

Well, I can't do that.

I love him.

And I love Danny,

but, honey, let's face it.

Our husbands are lying

and cheating bastards

who deserve to have their balls

Zip-locked and stored in a freezer.

You and I don't deserve that,

and neither does your baby.

Sweetie, it's not just

about you and Curtis anymore.

Mom, I'm hungry!

Eat your brother.

Yes!

I got to go fix her something.

Do you want some broccoli?

What do you want?

My baby.

Hey, Ryan, what's the matter?

I peed.

Of course.

Ah, ah!

Oh, even after I've given it

to you, I'm giving it to you.

Mm.

Here comes the magic sock!

- Oh, please!

Here comes the sock.

Here it comes. Oh!

Uh, really,

I'm, really, I'm okay.

I just got out of a relationship.

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

No. I'm sorry. Not you...

That was fast.

Whew. Yeah,

it was good for you, huh?

Best two seconds of my life.

Let's go, Delilah!

Thank you, girls.

Ooh! Whoo!

Two hundred bucks

for that piece of ass.

Terrific.

That means it cost $100 a second.

Yeah, just kidding.

I couldn't get it up.

- What? I heard you.

- Faked it.

Every time I looked

at her snatch, I saw Sylvie.

Hey, Danny, do you

really think it's possible

that somebody's

with Angela right now?

Yeah. I do.

Round 2, buddy.

Whoo!

I'm not leaving.

I'm staying right here in my house.

You want to leave and go stay

at your man's place, feel free.

I'm sure he'd love to have his

whole family under the same roof.

Mature. Real mature.

I'm not leaving.

Great. I'm sure my mom

would really like to talk to you

when she comes over.

- Your mom is coming?

- Yeah. In an hour.

Hi, Mom!

Don't you "hey, Mom" me!

I want kisses!

Oh, mm, mm, mm.

Oh, my gosh.

It's only been a week.

Oh, my baby, baby girl.

Yeah, a week ago I didn't know

you were giving me a grandchild.

Oh, baby, look at that belly.

Oh, my God!

I remember when you were in me!

- Gross!

- It's nature, sweetie.

Ooh! Feels like a boy.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's a boy.

It is too soon.

You cannot tell that now.

Angela, I know.

Mothers always know.

So, where's Curtis?

Tea.

It can't be that bad.

Mom, how did you know

when Dad was...?

Was what, dear?

Was cheating on you?

That son of a b*tch.

With the baby coming.

Where is he?

He's not here. Just calm down, okay?

Because I want to run this by you.

I just want to make sure

that I'm not crazy.

How did you know?

It was little things.

All of a sudden he was

working all kinds of hours,

he was preoccupied with work.

He... Well, you know,

he didn't want to...

Sex?

Mmm...

I didn't know for sure

until I snuck into his office.

Remember that room?

It was always such a mess.

And I looked at the phone bill.

You don't call Suzie Edelstein

because of her

sparkling conversation.

Ugh.

God, I hated him

for what he did to you.

It's in the past.

Honey, do you really think Curtis is?

Yeah. I do.

I don't know what I did wrong.

I know I work hard,

but I really try to make him happy.

I blow him, like,

three times a week.

Okay. All right.

Details are not necessary.

I think I have to leave him.

That's a big decision, honey.

Maybe now is not the time.

Well, I promised myself that I would

never sit home and wonder,

and that's what I'm doing.

Well, then, I'll tell you what to do.

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