Baby On Board Page #6

Ah!

That's gonna hurt more tomorrow.

That's good to know.

You can have the bed if you want,

and I can just go to...

Dr. Bob's?

Go ahead. Be my guest.

Curtis.

How long have you been seeing her?

Again?

You keep turning this around on me.

Don't I get a coma reprieve?

Why don't you just go see your

doctor friend and leave me alone?

Okay. You win.

I can't do this anymore.

Did you step it up?

Is he eating out

of the palm of your hand?

Honey, I'm sorry.

I'm so, so sorry.

Come on.

Let's go inside.

Raphy! Raphy, Raphy!

Oh, where is she?

Uh, who? Angela?

Oh, I don't know.

She's not in her office?

I thought she was in her office,

because if she's not,

then I don't really know, Mary.

Oh, there she is!

Angela, I really, I really, really

need you to listen to me.

The Japanese love us.

The head of Nakashima Distribution

is going to be here in a few hours.

And I want you to present it to him

and his team.

I thought you already did that.

Angela, I'm thinking

maybe you should take

a little less time

at the refrigerator

and start focusing on your work.

Where's my coffee?

That's his secondary team.

Mr. Nakashima never goes

to the initial first-pitch meeting.

Oh, no. He just flies halfway

around the world to do that.

He's on his way to Hawaii

for the re-enactment of Pearl Harbor,

and he is blessing us

with a few hours of his precious time.

Now, have you taken care

of your glandular problem?

'Cause I've got to tell you something,

the Japanese, they're not

too wowed by fat women.

Uh, don't worry. I'll lose 20 pounds

by the time they get here.

Today, 4:
00...

...wow time.

Well, that was some fancy footwork

for a fat woman.

What?

Hello, a**hole.

Is A**hole Number Two here?

He's in his room.

What are you?

The gatekeeper now for his fat ass?

How's Angela doing?

She's just fine.

Good.

You look like sh*t.

I feel worse.

Well, that's a start.

Curtis, why did you

have to go and f*** up

the best thing in your life?

I didn't know I did

until after I did it.

Guess nothing I did

was good enough.

Oh, what you did

was good enough.

It worked. She's gone.

What did you expect?

You just cannot take responsibility,

either of you.

You're just boys.

You're both just boys!

Can't beat 'em, join 'em.

What does that mean?

What the f*** is that?

Nothing. You scared me.

Oh, you're making it official now.

It's been months. We either

have to sh*t or get off the pot.

You look good.

Stop f***ing around.

I'm not f***ing around.

You look good.

I didn't lose a single pound.

Well, you look pretty.

Where's Curtis?

He said something about

"if you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

He said that?

Yeah. Something like that.

What's wrong?

Hey! Voicemail.

- Where are we going?

- Come with me.

- Where are we going?

- Follow me!

Where are you taking me?

- Just look.

- Where are we going?

In a whorehouse.

Okay, let's get started.

Mr. Nakashima and company,

on behalf of my staff and colleagues,

we are more than happy to welcome

you to Chateau Cosmetics.

Ahh! Ahh!

You okay?

Is it the...?

Oh! Jesus! Okay, uh,

we have to get you to a hospital.

Now, Mr. Nakashima, I'm sure

your team has informed you

we've been working

on something very special.

Raphy, in the last nine months,

I've lost my husband,

my dignity, and my life.

I'm not losing this project.

Extremely special

that is going to take this company

to new heights.

Angela!

I can do it.

to introduce you

to the woman that's going to...

...Angela Marks.

Don't forget, this is your baby.

First of all, I would like

to welcome you to America.

And secondly, I would like

to thank my boss, Mary Radcliff,

and my valued colleague, Raphy,

for bringing this project to fruition.

Excuse me.

I would like to introduce you

to a revolutionary new concept

in women's fragrances:

Baby on Board.

Wow!

A real Korean hand-job joint.

You really know

how to make a girl feel special.

Oh, Mister Danny!

- Oh, is so good to see you again!

- Ay.

Why I not see you in so long?

It's been months, Mr. Danny.

Oh, you have pee-pee disease, mm?

- Oh, you need more Niagara, huh?

- I'll be right back.

Mr. Danny, you don't go...

You're not supposed to go back there!

I know exactly how you feel.

Oh, oh, oh.

Ah, ah, ah.

- Huh?

- Sorry.

Ah, I think I'm in love.

Hey, Maureen!

I'm just looking for my, uh...

Dude.

Sorry.

Easy.

- Candy?

- Danny?

Curtis?!

No, no, no, no, no!

Don't roll over.

Don't roll over, whatever you do.

If you roll over right now,

Candy is going to jerk you off,

and that's gonna be the biggest

mistake you could ever make.

Curtis, I know I talked a mean game.

Hell, I played a mean game.

Half the stains on this ceiling

have come from me.

A hand-job's just like jerking off.

It's all the same in the end.

Truthfully, I give myself

a hell of a great hand-job.

But, look, forget about that.

I know I said the only honest

relationship a man can have

is with somebody

he's paying, all right?

But that's not true.

It's bullshit.

Man, your wife's a real pain

in the ass. They all are.

But, f***, dude, she knows you

better than anyone,

and she still puts up with you.

And that, that's the most

beautiful thing

you're ever gonna have in your life.

And I know

you want to blow that load,

but I'm talking to you

as a friend and a man.

Don't blow that load!

My God. You are so right.

Thank you, mysterious stranger.

Okay, thank you.

All right. Thank you.

That was beautiful, man.

Just thank you.

Beautiful, beautiful. Beautiful.

Did you mean all that?

- Yeah, but...

- But what?

It didn't help Curt.

Danny.

Curt?

Danny. That was a real

touching speech, man.

Am I too late?

No, no. I chickened out.

I've been hiding out

in the bathroom the last 40 minutes.

Thank God you're a quarter queer.

- I'm such an idiot.

- Yes, you are.

I really screwed things up.

Me too.

I need to fix this.

You bet your ass

you need to fix this.

I need to fix everything.

I'm sorry.

Hey, sorry.

Can you give me a ride?

As you can see, the 4th Quarter

projections for the U.S. alone

are 14% higher

than Chanel's latest line.

As we move

into publicity and advertising...

And now, as we move

into publicity and advertising...

Go get her!

Angela!

Curtis, she locked me

out of my own house!

I want my magazines,

and I want my swordfish,

and I want you out of here now!

Oh, this is good.

She's gonna call her lawyer now.

Listen, just talk to her

and say some of that fancy lawyer

jargon that I pay you so much for

and make her leave, will you?

Bill, put her on the phone.

Oh, my lawyer

wants to talk to you now.

Oh, really?

'Cause I'd love to talk to him, too.

Here you are.

The house?!

He wants the house now?

- How do you sleep at night?

- Ms. Black, please.

This is a crock of sh*t!

Agh!

The law protects a**holes like him

instead of punishing him.

- Ms. Black, you are right.

- What?

Tell your lawyer if he's looking

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