Baby On Board Page #7

for any frivolous expenses

to look into

your ex-husband's accounts

for any monies

that may have been transferred

into banks based in Russia.

He cannot touch the house.

Why are you telling me this?

Today is your lucky day.

Damn, Counselor, you are fast.

My brother, what's up?

- What the hell?

- Here you are.

Wait.

Wait a minute.

Oh, Curtis.

You, you slimy bastard!

I am gonna hit you

with a lawsuit so huge!

You want to try?

Come and get me.

You'll be spending the rest of your

miserable life in a courthouse

balancing requests for

interrogatories, unnecessary motions.

I will depose every person

you've ever been in contact with

since the beginning of time!

Wow! You've got a great lawyer.

There's none better.

Medical Emergency!

Doctor coming through!

Let's go.

And, uh... And, uh...

Just keep it together.

Uh, let me open up

the floor to questions.

Angela! Angela!

- Yah!

- Oh! Oh!

Curtis!

Angela, take me back.

Oh, Jesus Christ!

I was a moron.

I was a... I was a stupid moron.

I don't care.

I don't care if that baby isn't mine.

I don't care if you had relations

with your doctor.

I don't care about any of that.

I only care about you.

Oh! Oh!

Is that a good scream

or a bad scream?

What are you trying to say?

I'm having a baby!

You're pregnant?

Of course she's pregnant!

You're pregnant?!

Oh!

Come on. Come on.

She told me

it was a glandular thing.

Angela.

You!

She's mine, Dr. Bob.

If you want her, you're gonna

have to go through me!

This is like Days of our Lives!

Curtis, I know

this has gotten out of hand.

No. I was stupid to ever let her go.

You can't have her!

I don't want her!

What?

She's always been yours.

Well, then, what are you doing here?

Hey, hey! I called him. I'm sorry.

- Hi, baby.

- Hi.

I know. I think

I'm out of my league, too.

So, you two are a couple?

That... I'm okay with that.

Oh, let's go.

- Okay, okay, okay.

Baby, baby, baby.

- Let's go. Here we go.

F***in' douchebag doctor...

Oh, hey!

Is it time?

Can't leave! Have to finish!

- We need to get you out of here.

- Angela, listen to the doctor!

Angela!

Take that back.

Ooh.

Excuse me?

I said, "Take that back."

That woman has been talking to you

for 30 minutes while she is in labor.

You want to talk about tough?

It doesn't get tougher than that.

I don't care about your money.

I don't care

about your Y chromosome.

I don't care about your snarky jokes.

Domo arigato.

Okay, just breathe.

All right. This way, this way.

Ah, your jacket.

What? What?

The whore with the lipstick!

Hold her!

What? What?

The business card!

Oh, her! Her!

Oh, no, no, no.

She wasn't a whore.

She was a relaxation therapist.

That's right.

You slept with her!

No, no, no. I didn't sleep with her.

Danny slept with her. It was Danny.

- You bastard!

- No, no, no, no.

It was a f***in' hand-job, and it

was after you kicked my ass out!

Oh, I love you, baby!

Oh, Curtis!

Here we go.

Okay.

I'll drive.

I hate you!

You did this to me!

I'll grab a wheelchair.

You got her?

Yeah. We're all good.

Just hurry, Doctor! Hurry!

Do your breathing. That's it.

Who was that b*tch

at the restaurant?!

What b*tch at the restaurant?

Ah!

What'd I miss?

The b*tch that you kissed

at the restaurant!

Wow, good timing for me.

She's a client.

Mrs. Jenkins.

She's married?

Ow!

Ow! Ow!

F*** me in the ass!

Tourette's.

She's getting a divorce.

She kissed me when I told her

of a way she could

get out of her pre-nup

and screw her husband

out of millions!

We have to split up now.

Can I go with her?

Curtis, a nurse will come

and get you in a minute.

Just let me get her hooked up first.

Are you sure

that it didn't mean anything?

It meant nothing.

It meant as much to me as your kiss

with gay Doctor Bob meant to you.

Thanks a lot.

Really?

Really.

Okay.

I can have this baby now.

I'll be right in.

You know, I knew

you wouldn't hurt my little girl.

Thank you, Mom.

But just for the record,

if you did...

Jesus Almighty himself couldn't

protect you or your genitalia from me.

And finally,

here in the States,

the Viking Pharmaceutical Company,

makers of Super Viking Prophylactics,

announced today a total recall of

their product Super Viking Condoms

when it was discovered

that a malfunction in the rubber

causes leakage.

The company announced

that everyone using the product

whose sex partners

had become pregnant

may return the unused portion

for a full refund.

Talk about a class-action suit.

Super Vikings?

Mr. Marks?

Good, Angie!

Presenting beautifully.

I'm right here, Angela.

I'm right here. How we doing, Doc?

She is doing fine.

Okay, push, Angela.

Push. Push.

Just remember your breathing.

How do you know what to do?

I went to all your Lamaze classes.

I wouldn't have

missed them for the world.

Now, push, Angela.

Push.

Here he comes.

He...?

Push, Angela.

Here he comes!

Hey.

Welcome

to the world, little one.

He's perfect!

Nice going, Mom.

Here we go. Here we go.

Hey, baby.

I'm your daddy.

Oh, baby. Hi.

Nice to meet you.

You're so beautiful.

Hi!

I hope I'm late.

Oh, what is it?

It's a boy.

Hello, little Mr. Marks.

Hey, wait till you

get to know your parents.

You're gonna love 'em.

Nice work, Bobby.

Thanks.

Where's my grandson?

Let me see him.

Oh! Hi, sweetie!

Hi.

Hello!

He's so handsome.

Oh, look at you!

Look at you!

Oh, my God!

Hello!

Oh, hello, sweet baby.

Oh, I forgot how cute they are

when they first come out.

Curtis, he has your ears.

Mary, those are beautiful flowers.

Please. I expensed it

to Mr. Nakashima's account.

Well, um...

...I'm gonna go.

Hospitals aren't really my thing,

but, um, I did want to say,

take as much time as you need.

Your job will be waiting for you

when you're ready.

Are you sure?

Never ask a woman if she's

sure about her vice-president.

Oh, my God.

Thank you, Mary.

Wow.

Okay, everyone.

What say we give the family

a moment alone?

Love you.

Hey!

Bye, sweetie.

- Congratulations.

- Thank you.

Just the immediate family

for right now...

I am immediate.

I'm the grandma.

And what

a lucky little boy he is.

You can come back in a little while.

Ta-dah!

There are gonna be pregnant women

all over the world craving your scent.

Thank you for everything.

Mm-hmm.

- He's so perfect.

- There's none better.

Hi.

He's tired.

It's been a long nine months.

I know how he feels.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Was that you?

I thought that was you.

What have

you been eating, baby?

Aw...

He's got your intestinal tract.

Oh, my God.

Come on!

All right, time!

Oh, that's low!

Don't move, don't move, don't move.

Look at that. Look at that.

Oh, look at that.

Oh, look at that!

You get that butt up in the air,

get those ass cheeks flapping,

your balls will be ricocheting

back and forth

like Hector "Macho" Camacho

f***ing in his speed bag...

da-da-duh, da-da-duh,

da-da-duh, da-da-duh, aah!

I really need you

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