Bachelor Party Page #20

COLE:

What? I'm sorry, sir, I can't hear

you.

Looking over into the next booth, he sees Thomerson's back.

COLE:

(continuing)

Some fat slob in the next booth is

making a lot of noise.

MR. THOMERSON

Well, tell the a**hole to shut up.

COLE:

Right.

(calling off)

Hey, shut up. Okay, sir.

MR. THOMERSON

Sorry, I can't hear you. Some pin

head's yelling...

(yelling O.S.)

Shut up, I'm talking here.

(into phone)

Now look, I want you to go back and

I don't care what you do. Stop that

marriage.

He slams the phone down and EXITS SCREEN RIGHT. Cole starts

to exit left when he spots Chulo getting into the elevator.

CHULO:

Hey, man, your car's looking good.

COLE:

(crazed)

Where is it?

CHULO:

Out front.

The elevator doors slam shut. Cole races out into the street.

EXT. HOTEL

Cole comes bursting out into the street. We can tell by his

shocked expression he doesn't like what he sees.

COLE:

Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

CAMERA PANS as he charges to his Porsche. His pride and joy

has now, thanks to Chulo, been customized into a Chicano

special. It's chopped and channeled; dingleberries rim the

back window, flames have been painted on the rear fender; a

chain steering wheel, fuzzy dashboard, dice hanging from the

mirror. A real East L.A. beauty.

ANGLE - COLE

He's snapped -- totally flipped. He turns and yells up to

the hotel:

COLE:

(screaming)

Rick... Rick... Goddamn it.

INT. HOTEL SUITE - ANGLE - RICK

He's standing near the window.

RICK:

Gee. I think that's for me.

He looks out the window and sees Cole standing next to his

transformed Porsche.

COLE:

Rick... Debbie is mine. She'll always

be.

RICK:

(yelling back)

Cole, when was the last time you had

a lobotomy?

COLE:

(furious)

You've had it. I'm gonna get you.

ANGLE - THE STREET

Cole hops in his car and drives off, blowing his HORN at

oncoming traffic. The HORN PLAYS "LA CUCURACHA." Cole slams

his fist on the steering wheel in disgust.

INT. HOTEL SUITE

RICK:

(to guys)

Don't you love it when old friends

stop by?

O'NEILL

(to Rick)

Hey, I'm starved... Let's go get

something to eat. We'll bring back

food for everybody.

RICK:

I'm not really hungry.

O'NEILL

C'mon. I insist.

He grabs Rick by the arm and leads him out of the room.

INT. HOTEL RESTAURANT

Rick is finishing giving the food order to a WAITER. In the

b.g. we SEE O'Neill talking to a BELLHOP. The Bellhop is

pointing to a table. O'Neill thanks him and slips him some

money.

RICK:

...couple more on rye. Lots of

fries... and a burger and diet soda.

Waiter acknowledges he's got it and exits. O'Neill joins

Rick.

O'NEILL

Let's sit down.

O'Neill leads Rick to the table the Bellhop pointed out.

They sit down. Immediately O'Neill takes some cash from his

pocket and holds it under the table.

ANGLE UNDER THE TABLE

Huddled underneath the table, hidden by the tablecloth, is a

HOOKER. Her specialty is coming right up. She grabs the bills

from O'Neill's hand. She tucks the money in her cleavage and

turns her talents to Rick. She unzips his fly.

RICK:

He reacts to the ZIP SOUND.

RICK:

What the hell is that?

O'NEILL

My gift to you.

RICK:

Under the table!

O'NEILL

The best table in the house.

The Hooker has begun to do what she does best. And Rick loves

it.

RICK:

...I think we can skip the wine list.

Oh, gee...

FATHER FALWELL:

enters the restaurant. He spots Rick and O'Neill and crosses

to them.

FATHER FALWELL:

Boys, good evening to you.

Rick tries to maintain his dignity. But from under the table

a blue ribbon job is being applied to his fun zone.

O'NEILL

Father Falwell, good evening.

Falwell shakes Rick's hand. Rick hangs on for dear life.

Pumping the hand up and down at a faster and faster rate.

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