Bachelor Party Page #6

DEBBIE:

Oh, that's really sweet. I'd love

that.

PHOEBE:

We'll invite all the girls.

BOBBIE:

I don't believe it... Mrs. Rick Stahl.

The girls all start to scream and carry on all over again.

INT. RICK AND DEBBIE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Rick is cooking dinner in the cramped combination kitchen /

living room. He has about five dishes going at once as he

dashes from stove to refrigerator. He grabs some hamburger

meat, rolls it into a ball, then slaps it on the counter. He

then takes a steam iron and presses it on the patty.

Debbie comes in the front door and crosses to him and hugs

him tightly, kissing him sweetly.

DEBBIE:

(between kisses)

God, you're a slob.

RICK:

But a fabulous cook.

DEBBIE:

What are we having?

RICK:

It's either meatloaf, Swiss steak or

charred flesh. I won't know till

it's finished.

DEBBIE:

(looking at the stove)

I think your dinner's burning.

Rick crosses to the stove. A small fire is coming out of one

of the frying pans. He douses it with water.

RICK:

Don't worry... it's supposed to do

this.

DEBBIE:

(setting the table)

Want to hear something great? Bobbie

and Phoebe are throwing me a shower.

It's really gonna be fun.

RICK:

Not as much fun as the bachelor party

the guys are throwing for me.

DEBBIE:

You're going to have a bachelor party?

RICK:

Of course. I'm a traditional guy...

It's a traditional event.

(he brings all the

food to the table)

Well, what do you think?

DEBBIE:

It looks awful.

RICK:

Yes, but looks are deceiving...

(takes a bite)

Not in this case, however.

DEBBIE:

Are you going to have women at your

party?

RICK:

No, sweetheart, it's a stag party.

Does stay home.

DEBBIE:

I'm not talking about does. I'm

talking about hookers.

RICK:

Oh, those. Why do you ask?

DEBBIE:

Because from what I've heard, it's a

tradition and you're a traditional

guy.

Rick grabs her; starts kissing her passionately on the neck.

RICK:

Deb, you is my woman now. I is yo

man. No painted lady ever gonna come

between us.

DEB:

I need you to promise.

RICK:

Okay, you got it. I got a way we can

seal the deal -- what'd you say?

He grabs her. They kiss and slide down onto the table,

knocking the dishes to the floor.

EXT. BEL AIR-TYPE ESTATE - DAY

Through the iron gates of an impressive-looking estate comes

Debbie in her convertible VW Rabbit. She pulls up behind a

new Porsche 911 and a Jeep, all decked out with rifles, nets

and other hunting equipment. As she walks down the path toward

the house, she sees something off in the distance that

startles her.

DEBBIE'S POV

A large brown grizzly bear appears to be entering the side

door of the house.

ANGLE - DEBBIE

DEBBIE:

(calling O.S.)

Cole?... Cole!

DEBBIE'S POV

The "Bear" turns around. We SEE that the bear is, in fact,

dead. It is being carried by a tall, handsome HUNTER. He

waves to Debbie and indicates for her to follow him inside.

INT. COLE'S SMOKEHOUSE - DAY

Debbie opens a rustic-looking door and peers in.

DEBBIE:

Cole?

COLE (O.S.)

Over here, Deb... in the Smokehouse.

CAMERA PANS WITH Debbie as she enters the room. She passes

several trophies, guns and stuffed animal heads hanging from

the wall. She makes her way past some sections of an

undetermined animal's anatomy hanging from hooks suspended

from the ceiling. Finally we see COLE WHITTIER, a Steve Garvey

look-alike... rugged all-American, and heir to the Whittier

Plastic Wrap fortune. Despite his jockish good looks and

outward arrogance, there's something in his manner that is

definitely unsavory.

As Debbie approaches him we SEE that he is butchering some

unfortunate friend of the forest on the table in front of

him. (NOTE:
For the squeamish, all of this is done OUT OF

FRAME. The only thing we should HEAR are the delightful SOUNDS

of TAXIDERMY.)

COLE:

Hi, Deb. Just got back from the

mountains.

(as he cuts in with a

surgeon's skill)

Isn't this a beauty?... It's gonna

look great in the den.

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