Bachelor Party Page #7

Debbie tries her best not to look down at what he's doing.

DEBBIE:

Cole, we've got to talk.

COLE:

Finally realized Rick's a jerk, huh?

DEBBIE:

No, Cole, I...

COLE:

(lifting an organ of

some sort O.S.)

It's all right, I forgive you. I'm

not the vengeful type. We'll forget

what happened. Why don't we take a

trip together? Maybe kill a few lions

in Kenya over Christmas.

DEBBIE:

Cole, listen to me... I've got to

tell you...

COLE:

You know, when you dumped me for

that wimp, I thought, Cole, she'll

be back. God wants the two of you to

be together, and sure enough...

DEBBIE:

Cole, I'm marrying Rick.

COLE:

(confused)

You're marrying him? Then why are

you coming back to me?

DEBBIE:

I'm not. I just thought I should

tell you myself before you heard it

somewhere else.

Cole stops what he is doing for a beat and just stares at

Debbie intensely. Then he returns to his work with a renewed

enthusiasm, chopping, slashing and slicing.

COLE:

You know how that makes me feel,

Deb? Wanta know how that makes me

feel?

(softly)

Angry, Deb.

(a little louder)

Yesss, that's the word, angry. But

if he makes you happy, you go right

ahead. I want you to be happy, Deb.

(a little nuts)

No matter what, no matter how angry

it makes me, no matter how much it

hurts. Be happy, Deb. Be oh, so very,

very happy.

DEBBIE:

Cole, I'm sorry, I...

COLE:

That's all right, Deb. Go be happy

and smile a lot, Deb. Do it for me.

DEBBIE:

(uncomfortable)

I'm going now, Cole.

COLE:

I understand, Deb. 'Bye... be happy.

Debbie exits and we PUSH IN ON Cole. Something on his face

says, "Hi! I'm really out of my mind."

INT. DR. STAN STAHL'S OFFICE - DAY

DR. STAN is Rick's older brother and a proctologist. Although

he's only in his early thirties, he thinks and acts like

someone in their early 70's. A little on the pompous side,

Stan is never without his pipe.

STAN:

Okay, Rick, hold out your arm.

He crosses to a sterile container and takes out a syringe.

RICK:

You wouldn't hurt your own brother,

would you?

(looking at the needle

cautiously)

I changed my mind. I don't need a

blood test. The marriage is off. I --

Just then, Stan sticks the needle in his arm.

RICK:

(continuing)

You always were sneaky, Stan, very

sneaky.

STAN:

Rick, marriage will be good for you.

It's done wonders for me.

RICK:

True, you're a lot handsomer now.

Don't you have enough blood already?

STAN:

(without much

conviction)

You won't miss a thing about being

single... The wild parties, the

different girls every night, running

around like a maniac... God, I miss

that.

RICK:

Stan, you're depressing me... Hey, I

didn't know you were going to fill

'er up. Just take a couple of gallons,

okay?

Stan removes the needle and hands Rick a cotton ball.

RICK:

(continuing)

That's an even trade... a cotton

ball for all my blood.

STAN:

(returning to this

world)

Okay, Rick, all finished. I can't

wait for that bachelor party... I

need the action.

CAMERA FOLLOWS them as they go out into the hall.

STAN:

(continuing)

Don't say anything to my wife about

it.

They pass an open examining room. Stan's wife, TINA, is also

a doctor and is examining an old man. She's not as tiny as

her name suggests. In face, she's more like over-sized.

RICK:

Hi, Tina.

Rick moves to hug her and he notices that Tina has her finger

up the old guy's ass.

TINA:

(looking up)

Rick...

(to PATIENT)

Mr. Goldsmith, this is my brother-in-

law. He's getting married.

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