Bachelor Party Page #8

PATIENT:

(without turning around)

Congratulations.

Tina turns to a NURSE.

TINA:

Nurse, will you take over?

The nurse shrugs and sticks her finger up the patient's rear

end as Tina hugs Rick.

TINA:

(continuing)

I'm so happy for you.

Rick hugs her, uneasily trying to make sure her right hand

doesn't come anywhere near his face.

EXT. DEBBIE'S PARENTS' HOUSE - BACKYARD - DAY

Debbie and Rick and her MOM and DAD are having a frustrating

game of tennis behind her parents' plush home. Mr. Thomerson

is a stockily-built guy in his fifties who prides himself on

being tough and competitive. His wife loves to shop. As far

as she's concerned, appearances are everything. Neither of

them likes Rick's appearance or anything else about their

future son-in-law. Mr. Thomerson slams the ball to Rick;

Rick slams the ball back and drives it over the fence, out

of the court.

RICK:

Oops!

MR. THOMERSON

(frustrated)

All right, who serves?

DEBBIE:

You do, Daddy.

Mr. Thomerson serves the ball to Debbie, who hits it over

the net to her mother, who hits it to Rick, who slams it

over the fence, out of the court. Mr. Thomerson does not

look pleased.

MR. THOMERSON

Rick, hit the ball easier, son. You

don't have to kill it.

RICK:

Can't I just maim it a little?

MRS. THOMERSON

Er... perhaps we ought to stop now.

MR. THOMERSON

No. Let's at least finish the set.

Rick starts humming the "ABC Wide World of Sports" theme

loudly. Mr. T. gives him a disgusted look and serves the

ball. Rick smashes the ball and sends it over the fence, out

of the court.

EXT. THE THOMERSON'S NEIGHBORS' BACKYARD - DAY

A middle-aged COUPLE are sitting on some lawn furniture trying

to read the newspaper. A tennis ball comes down from the sky

and hits the guy squarely on the top of the head. PULL OUT

to REVEAL that they're surrounded by dozens of tennis balls.

MAN:

One of these days I'm gonna burn

Thomerson's court to the ground.

EXT. THE THOMERSON'S - MEDIUM SHOT - DAY

Rick and Mr. Thomerson are having a heart to heart chat over

some lemonade in front of the tennis court.

RICK:

Well, I have to admit my game's a

little rusty, but I love polo. It's

unrelenting, a constant challenge to

the senses. Really a beautiful

experience.

MR. THOMERSON

Rick, I want to cut through the b.s.

RICK:

I'd love that.

MR. THOMERSON

(sitting on his anger)

Good. I think you're an a**hole. No,

let me correct that, an immature

a**hole. Which is fine, except you're

marrying my daughter and I'm afraid

my grandchildren are going to be

little a**holes.

RICK:

Mr. Thomerson, I...

MR. THOMERSON

Let me finish. Debbie's an adult.

She can do what she wants. But if

you want your marriage to last, you're

going to have to change some things

about yourself. If I may make some

suggestions...

RICK:

Feel free.

MR. THOMERSON

First, you're a slob. You have to

dress for success. Second, your

outlook on life...

As Mr. Thomerson drones on, Rick shifts uncomfortably in his

chair, focusing his attention on Debbie, her mother and her

older, cynical cousin, ILENE, who are sitting nearby on the

rear patio.

ANGLE - DEBBIE, MRS. THOMERSON AND ILENE

MRS. THOMERSON

I'm using the same caterer for the

shower I had for our Christmas party

last year.

DEBBIE:

Great, Mom.

ILENE:

If I were you, I'd worry less about

the shower and more about Rick's

bachelor party.

DEBBIE:

Ilene, why would I want to do that?

I trust Rick.

ILENE:

Of course you do. I trusted my ex,

Mel, too. Cousin, I can only talk

from experience. What do you think

they do at these parties, have tea

and play scrabble?

DEBBIE:

Ilene, Rick promised...

ILENE:

Debbie, don't be naive. Men are pigs.

MRS. THOMERSON

(trying to change the

subject)

Girls, why don't we go inside for

lunch.

(calling to Mr. T)

Boys, would you mind bringing in

that lemonade?

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